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no kids wedding

My daughter is getting married Sept. 28th.  Were having a no kids wedding because we would have about 15 kids and besides our head count we can't do it.  Some of my nieces and nephews are upset because their kids are not invited.  One couple said they would have to leave early because of this.  If they did bring their kids they would still have to leave early.  There pissed off so am I and my daughter.  You would think they would want to come without tagging along little kids.  This couple in particular has a 1 year old and 2 year old. Anybody with this problem?  I'm sure were going to have some couples bringing their kids even though they were told not to.
desiluna

Re: no kids wedding

  • Many families see weddings as a family occasion and prefer to attend with their children--this opinion is not bad in itself.  However, if you have kindly but firmly expressed that you cannot accommodate children then they can be expected to behave like adults about it.  That may mean that you have guests leave early or choose not to attend--that is their choice.  

    I"m not quite sure why you or your daughter are upset.  When you choose to have a child-free event, and many of the people invited have children, it may mean that some of your guests can't come, would rather not come, or wish their children could come.  That's just a part of it...just stay kind and firm with the event you are having.  
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Some people just don't understand that some events are not for children.  You're fine not to invite children, and those guests are being ridiculous to get upset about it.  

    But, you need to remember, an invitation is not a subpoena.  If they choose not to come or to leave early because their children aren't invited, you have no right to be upset.

    If you truly think that someone would bring uninvited children, you could alert your venue staff, and have them direct the guest that the child is not permitted inside, but that's a little extreme.  If someone brought an uninvited child, they'd surely be mortified to find that there is no seat or meal for the child, and that they're attracting attention from the rest of the guests.  They'd likely escort themselves out pretty quickly.  
  •  Our reception is not kid friendly.  It's in a restaurant and their are stairs   There are no extra rooms for the kids to go in with a babysitter.

    I  know someone that went to a wedding and a kid got hurt and had to go to an emergency room.  I'm glad with our head count we can't include them.

  • There is nothing wrong with wanting to have a kid-free wedding.  That's a perfectly valid choice.

    However, an invitation is not a summons.  Invited guests have every right to decline all or part of the event for any reason.  Every family dynamic is different.  While FI and I will probably be the type of parents who jump at the opportunity to have a kid free night once we have them, not all parents feel the same way.

    Yes it was shitty of them to try to guilt-trip you into inviting their children, but you really don't have any right to be upset that they are planning on leaving early.  Many brides come on here talking about guests who decline the entire event because they did not include children, so at least they are coming for part of the event.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
  • I'm not upset that they want to leave early.  What one couple was saying did not make any sense, if you bring kids to a wedding your going to leave early.  Same thing if you leave them with a sitter.  Your going to leave early also.  I could care less how long  guests stay.  You guys missed my point.
  • marip123 said:
    I'm not upset that they want to leave early.  What one couple was saying did not make any sense, if you bring kids to a wedding your going to leave early.  Same thing if you leave them with a sitter.  Your going to leave early also.  I could care less how long  guests stay.  You guys missed my point.
    Can you clarify what you meant in your original post, what are you and your daughter upset about?  I guess I don't understand how the leaving early part plays into this situation.

    If you're upset that they're giving you a hard time about not inviting children, that's totally fair and I'm sorry that you have to deal with it.  It's perfectly acceptable to not invite children, but unfortunately lots of people react the way your relatives did.  It was rude of them to give you grief about not inviting their children.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
  • Were upset how their acting.  We told them about the head count.  You think they would be more understanding.  Your right they are rude for giving us grief.  Even my sister who is their mother she's upset how their acting.
  • scribe95 said:
    Who says they have to leave early if they bring the kids? At weddings, kids' bedtimes are usually happily busted. I think you made a logic leap there.
    Yes, feel free to have a kid free wedding - though I still think you shouldn't make an overall statement that weddings aren't a place for kids. And no they shouldn't have whined about it. Also, you shouldn't whine about them having to leave early. Maybe the babysitter has to get home.
    This is what I was going to say. The 2 year old might be all excited and having a blast. Maybe the 1 year old passes out in her carrier (are one year olds too big for those things?).

    They have a right to be upset, they don't have to understand or accept that not everyone wants kids at their wedding. They shouldn't give you grief about it, but if they decline to attend, that's their right to do so.
    Anniversary
  • I didn't say weddings are not a place for kids.  It depends on what type of reception you have and where.  In this restaurant it's not kid friendly.   As for the guests who are giving us grief I don't care anymore if they come or not.  Less guests to pay dinner for.  And you people are still not getting it.  We don't care if guests leave early.
  • We still don't get what your point is.  What is your point?

    Your first post is confusing because you spent more than half of the post talking about them leaving early but then said later that you don't care if they leave early.

    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Kid-free weddings are valid and reasonable.  If invited guests who are parents refuse to attend without their children or threaten to leave early, don't take it personally-they're the ones being rude.  No parent has the right to bring their kid everywhere or expect an invitation for them simply because they are invited.
  • Jen4948 said:
    Kid-free weddings are valid and reasonable.  If invited guests who are parents refuse to attend without their children or threaten to leave early, don't take it personally-they're the ones being rude.  No parent has the right to bring their kid everywhere or expect an invitation for them simply because they are invited.
    The italicized part is correct, but I disagree with the bolded.  Parents have no right to expect an invitation for their children and are rude if they try to pressure the B/G into giving them one.  However, it is not rude to decline a wedding invitation for any reason.  If parents don't feel comfortable having a night out without their children, they are within their rights to decline.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    [Deleted User]
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    NYCBruin said:
    Jen4948 said:
    Kid-free weddings are valid and reasonable.  If invited guests who are parents refuse to attend without their children or threaten to leave early, don't take it personally-they're the ones being rude.  No parent has the right to bring their kid everywhere or expect an invitation for them simply because they are invited.
    The italicized part is correct, but I disagree with the bolded.  Parents have no right to expect an invitation for their children and are rude if they try to pressure the B/G into giving them one.  However, it is not rude to decline a wedding invitation for any reason.  If parents don't feel comfortable having a night out without their children, they are within their rights to decline.
    I agree that they are within their rights to decline, but I do not agree that they have any right to expect their children to be invited in the first place or to use threats of declining or leaving early to manipulate the hosts into inviting their children.  That is rude.
  • OP - there's nothing wrong etiquette-wise with a kid free wedding. You invite who you want. Don't talk to them about it anymore. They know who's invited and who's not, they're just grumbling about it. Let them grumble. 

    It sounds like you're letting their dissatisfaction get to you. Don't. You didn't do anything wrong.
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  • Kid free weddings are fine in my opinion. Just be firm because once you let one kid you have to let them all. Your guests who left their kids at home will feel terrible if they see someone snuck one in and you're ok with it.
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Kid free weddings are fine in my opinion. Just be firm because once you let one kid you have to let them all. Your guests who left their kids at home will feel terrible if they see someone snuck one in and you're ok with it.
    Actually no, that's not true.



    NYCBruin
  • Viczaesar said:
    Kid free weddings are fine in my opinion. Just be firm because once you let one kid you have to let them all. Your guests who left their kids at home will feel terrible if they see someone snuck one in and you're ok with it.
    Actually no, that's not true.

    Actually, I think it's very true.  Because if you let one person bring kids, everyone else will literally throw a fit.  She thinks she has problems now?  Just wait for it to get out that she's letting one person bring their kid, but not others.  

    OP, stick to your guns.  Don't discuss it anymore with anyone- it's no one's business who you invite.

    May 2013 February Siggy: Invitations

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  • Viczaesar said:
    Kid free weddings are fine in my opinion. Just be firm because once you let one kid you have to let them all. Your guests who left their kids at home will feel terrible if they see someone snuck one in and you're ok with it.
    Actually no, that's not true.
    I second this.  I absolutely can't stand the idea that you have to invite all kids or no kids.  Kids are people just like the rest of people that may or may not make the guest list.  Just like you can be closer to one adult than another, you can be close to some kids and not others.  The only thing that I think would be wrong would be to split up siblings.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    melb2013 said:
    Viczaesar said:
    Kid free weddings are fine in my opinion. Just be firm because once you let one kid you have to let them all. Your guests who left their kids at home will feel terrible if they see someone snuck one in and you're ok with it.
    Actually no, that's not true.

    Actually, I think it's very true.  Because if you let one person bring kids, everyone else will literally throw a fit.  She thinks she has problems now?  Just wait for it to get out that she's letting one person bring their kid, but not others.  

    OP, stick to your guns.  Don't discuss it anymore with anyone- it's no one's business who you invite.
    Kids are not an all or nothing proposition.  You can invite some kids and not others.  I'm not personally a huge fan of doing so, but it doesn't break any etiquette rules.



  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    NYCBruin said:
    Viczaesar said:
    Kid free weddings are fine in my opinion. Just be firm because once you let one kid you have to let them all. Your guests who left their kids at home will feel terrible if they see someone snuck one in and you're ok with it.
    Actually no, that's not true.
    I second this.  I absolutely can't stand the idea that you have to invite all kids or no kids.  Kids are people just like the rest of people that may or may not make the guest list.  Just like you can be closer to one adult than another, you can be close to some kids and not others.  The only thing that I think would be wrong would be to split up siblings.
    Exactly.



  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    What the hell is this thread about? Just a general discussion about children in weddings? And too many family members discussing whether or not they're going to leave early? Oh wait, OP brought that up a bunch of times but apparently it's totally irrelevant.

    *sigh* Where the fuck is stage?



    Anniversary
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    SKPMNYCMercedes
  • This thread is about how rude guests can be when their told it's a no kids wedding even when you tell them it's because of the head count.  At first we were upset by this but now we don't care if they like it or not,  You can't please everyone.  In my original post I got off the subject a little bit by remarking what a couple had said about leaving early.  I didn't agree what the couple said.  Even if you bring little kids under the age of 5 your still going to leave early.  At this point I really don't care if some guests don't show up because of the no kids wedding.
  • Our wedding is not a "no kids" wedding, however we did not invite too many children. The only kids are my fiance's brothers (10 and 11) and my nephew (10). Other than that we only invited couples because we are keeping to small guest count. Some people complained but my FMIL told them it's not no kids and they can use their 2 invites however they want. 


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