would this be rude?

shavasana · August 2013

I am planning to have about 200 guests for my wedding. We are on a very limited budget, so I plan on having an early afternoon wedding with an appetizer/cake reception afterwards at the same venue. The reception will end around 5 or 6 pm. I would like to invited the WP, immediate family, and some close out-of-town guests back to our house for dinner afterwards, probably ~20 people total. Would this be rude?

FizzySips · August 2013

If the reception ends before 5 I don't see a problem with this. Eta: grammar is hard!

phira · August 2013

I don't think this would be a huge problem if you made it clear to everyone (including the wedding party, immediate family, and close out-of-town guests) that the reception was ending at that particular time AND if the people you'd be having over for dinner could keep super quiet about dinner afterwards.

SomethingBeautiful08 · August 2013

I this that you are in the clear as long as the reception does end before normal dinner time 6 at the latest. Considering what your plans are I wouldn't push it to last longer then it needs to. Remember the critical thing is for you to great your guests and that won't take 3 hours. Also keep the dinner invite out of the wedding invite. Invite them personally with a phone call or send out a separate invite.

mlg78 · August 2013

I don't think it's close to a tiered reception. It goes from 200 to 20...way too big of a drop. Clearly it's a small select group of individuals invited back to the home.

OP - go for it I would just make sure it's listed as a "private dinner" however you end up inviting them.

allispain · August 2013

I think it's fine to do, as long as you indicate to those you're inviting to dinner that this is a private get-together (ie - they know not to talk about it to other people during the reception). Also, as one PP said, make sure that you keep any invitation to the dinner completely separate from your wedding invitations. They should be billed as two separate events, not a continuation of the reception.

harper0813 · August 2013

I agree that it sounds fine as long as it's kept private. Not on the website, invite or program. No mention of it during the reception. If you phrase it to the dinner guests as a "hosted private dinner after the reception", you should be good.

itzMS · August 2013

I don't think it would be rude necessarily, but I could see it snowballing.

We'll just invite one more couple over to the house...just ONE more...and it turns into everyone asking if just ONE MORE couple can be added to the guest list.

You know like "Oh, I've been having such a great time talking to Aunt Jane and Uncle Don, Bride and Groom...can't they stop over to the house for a little while?"

Maggie0829 · August 2013

I don't think it would be rude necessarily, but I could see it snowballing.

We'll just invite one more couple over to the house...just ONE more...and it turns into everyone asking if just ONE MORE couple can be added to the guest list.

You know like "Oh, I've been having such a great time talking to Aunt Jane and Uncle Don, Bride and Groom...can't they stop over to the house for a little while?"

This. Also I think since the dinner is going to happen directly after the reception it seems a bit tiered. Now if the dinner took place a few hours after the reception was over with I really wouldn't think anything of it because wedding/reception has been over with and there is nothing saying that the couple can't do whatever they want the rest of the day. I just think with the dinner happening right after the end of the ceremony it could be seen as "hey 180 guests thanks for coming but get the f out because I got a dinner to get to." KWIM?

KatWAG · August 2013

I agree with PPs. I dont love the idea. Can't you just telling all 200 that you and your H will be going out to X bar at Y time. Come if you like. Then its clear that you arent hosting and everyone can be invited.

Jessa617 · August 2013

If I was one of the 180 that didn't get invited to dinner and I found out that there was a VIP list for dinner, I would be incredibly hurt. I was good enough to watch you say your vows, but I can't have dinner with you?

If you were 100% positive that everyone invited to dinner would never tell another soul, not share any photos on social network, or in casual conversation.... you might be ok.

BMoreBride6 · August 2013

Maggie0829 said:

I don't think it would be rude necessarily, but I could see it snowballing.

We'll just invite one more couple over to the house...just ONE more...and it turns into everyone asking if just ONE MORE couple can be added to the guest list.

You know like "Oh, I've been having such a great time talking to Aunt Jane and Uncle Don, Bride and Groom...can't they stop over to the house for a little while?"
This. Also I think since the dinner is going to happen directly after the reception it seems a bit tiered. Now if the dinner took place a few hours after the reception was over with I really wouldn't think anything of it because wedding/reception has been over with and there is nothing saying that the couple can't do whatever they want the rest of the day. I just think with the dinner happening right after the end of the ceremony it could be seen as "hey 180 guests thanks for coming but get the f out because I got a dinner to get to." KWIM?

off topic, but good luck at the race this weekend @Maggie0829 ! my mileage has been suffering from my current plantar fasciitis (all brought upon myself) so I won't be running but have a blast!

Maggie0829 · August 2013

@BMoreBride6 Thanks!! I am getting a bit nervous because I didn't get one last big run in and the weather is getting more and more iffy every day. But no matter what, I am going to cross that finish line even if I have to crawl across it LOL!

shavasana · August 2013

Thanks, I've been struggling with this. If it matters, our house is an hour away from the venue. We could have the dinner start later but I'm not sure what folks would do in the meantime.

itzMS · August 2013

shavasana said:

Thanks, I've been struggling with this. If it matters, our house is an hour away from the venue. We could have the dinner start later but I'm not sure what folks would do in the meantime.

An HOUR?!?!!?

Holy crap. Ummm. Are people going to be drinking at either the larger reception or at your house?

Is there a hotel or place that the guests will be staying near your house?

Otherwise I think you might have to seriously consider scrapping this idea...

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

I think your idea is fine, but I'd probably do it this way:

1:30pm - wedding and reception

4:00pm - appetizer/cake reception ends (clearly before meal time)

5:30pm - dinner

shavasana · August 2013

itzMS said:

shavasana said:

Thanks, I've been struggling with this. If it matters, our house is an hour away from the venue. We could have the dinner start later but I'm not sure what folks would do in the meantime.

An HOUR?!?!!?

Holy crap. Ummm. Are people going to be drinking at either the larger reception or at your house?

Is there a hotel or place that the guests will be staying near your house?

Otherwise I think you might have to seriously consider scrapping this idea...

I just checked google maps and its 40 minutes. Its a fairly rural area and folks are used to driving to get to places. We will be serving beer and wine at both reception and dinner. My crowd isn't that big on drinking and I don't think it will be a problem. Do people really get trashed at a park wedding in the middle of the afternoon? The hotel is about 10 minutes from our house and we can call a cab for anyone who needs it after dinner.

Havana2014 · August 2013

Jessa617 said:
If I was one of the 180 that didn't get invited to dinner and I found out that there was a VIP list for dinner, I would be incredibly hurt. I was good enough to watch you say your vows, but I can't have dinner with you?

If you were 100% positive that everyone invited to dinner would never tell another soul, not share any photos on social network, or in casual conversation.... you might be ok.

As a guest at a wedding I would not be in the least offended. The B&G's family and very close friends are obviously 'more VIP' than some others at the reception. I went to my bosses wedding recently. I did not consider myself anywhere near as important as her family and friends and if I knew they were all doing something afterwards to which I was not invited it wouldn't faze me in the least.

NYCMercedes · August 2013

I agree with Havana. 200 down to 20 is fine. Say goodbye, we're going home now, at the reception. No big deal. Have fun.

would this be rude?

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