Thank You Notes

rkbo · August 2013

My fiance and I are not registering for gifts for our wedding. We don't need anything, and we have just requested that people come and have a good time.

We're not dumb, we know people will show up with gifts. I was told to be prepared with a gift table, so I will do that.

We are planning on sending thank you cards to everyone that attends not just those that give gifts. Is that something weird to do? Will it offend the non-gift givers by seeing that some people bring gifts, and they didn't?

Maybe I'm thinking too much into this.

Clpapke83 · August 2013

We did register with 2 stores because we had several people ask us to. But I think those are about the only people that know we registered. We are planning on opening the gifts at home a few days later so nobody will get offended. I'm also gonna send thank you to everybody. They took time outta their lives to be with us on our special day, so I want to thank them. I hope that makes sence.

rustytammy · August 2013

I wouldn't worry that guest A brought something but B didn't. As you didn't register, IMO, that leaves the guest with the choice to gift or not to gift.

I think it is wonderful that you want to send thank you notes to all of your guests! I hadn't thought about that but I'm definitely adding that!!

amaryann210 · August 2013

rhawndas said:

My fiance and I are not registering for gifts for our wedding. We don't need anything, and we have just requested that people come and have a good time.

We're not dumb, we know people will show up with gifts. I was told to be prepared with a gift table, so I will do that.

We are planning on sending thank you cards to everyone that attends not just those that give gifts. Is that something weird to do? Will it offend the non-gift givers by seeing that some people bring gifts, and they didn't?

Maybe I'm thinking too much into this.

Isn't the reception your thank you to your guests, whether or not they brought a gift?

I will not be sending guests thank you notes for attendance. It's not that I'm not grateful they came to celebrate with me, but I don't feel it's necessary.

kmcgann312 · August 2013

I will be sending thank you cards to all of our guests who attend as well. Although technically the reception is the "thank you" for attending the wedding, we have many guests coming in from out of town. They are making the effort to spend their personal time and money to share in our day, the least i can do is take 2 minutes to write a thank you card, whether or not they bring a gift. IMO, you're definitely making the right decision for your guests.

[Deleted User] · August 2013

I've heard conflicting things on this - though, I am fully planning on sending a thank you card to every one of my guests that RSVPs yes, gift or not. I did it for my shower, and have no reason not to thank my friends and family for trekking out to Indiana to see me & FH get married.

SewInLoveWithDMB · August 2013

I have mixed feelings on this and haven't decided what to do yet. I agree that a thank you note is nice for everyone who does attend, but I also have heard that the reception is a form of "thank you" for coming to the wedding ceremony.

I also fear that if I write a "thank you for coming" it's sort of pointing out the fact that they did not give a gift.

I guess as with everything else, it totally depends on the situation. Almost all of our guests are local, so there is really no travel involved. But, for the few that did have to travel, if they did not give gifts, I could understand writing a note thanking them for coming. But, for local people? I probably wouldn't.

(And one relative is traveling far, and has already purchased wedding gifts off of the registry and they have arrived - so the thank you is already sent. I will probably not write them another.)

bakerie · August 2013

I know a lot of people say don't write thank yous for those who attended with no gift, but I'm probably going to anyway. My wedding is OOT for everyone, so I feel like with people spending so much money on airfare and hotels, I really just want to send them a nice thank you note.

SewInLoveWithDMB · August 2013

Also, do people generally not give gifts? I wouldn't care if someone did not bring a gift, but I can't imagine ever attending a wedding myself and not giving a gift. So, I don't even know if this will apply. Or, it might. I think everyone who attended my sister's wedding gave a gift (varying sizes, which is to be expected), so I dunno. We'll see!

Sometimes if I travel to a wedding the gift is smaller than if I didn't need to (sorry if that's rude, but we do have to follow a budget - hotel rooms eat into our "gift funds"), but I still wouldn't give nothing...

rkbo · August 2013

Personally, I would never attend a wedding without giving a gift. But that is me, I do know that quite a few people are traveling from the East coast to be at our California wedding, I would feel bad for them to buy a gift on top of travel costs.

amaryann210 · August 2013

I think the only time I did not give a gift was a wedding I was in that was OOT and I was a broke grad student. I wrote a very heartfelt card and apologized for my lack of monetary funds, but it was a very understanding and forgiving friend.

I would never not give a gift now, regardless of how far I traveled. If I didn't have the money to go to the wedding and give a gift, I'd stay home and send a gift.

schellzinator · August 2013

I've never intentionally gone to a wedding without a gift. But sometimes I have the card in my purse and forget to put it on the table and have to send it later. With that being said - I don't expect everyone who is invited to our wedding to bring a gift and I am A OK with that.

As for thank yous to everyone regardless of gift - I think its thoughtful as well - but I'd like to hear more about what people think if it emphasizes they didn't give a gift - like would it be seen as passive aggressive?

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