Wedding Etiquette Forum

Party Bus and After Party?? Itinerary Attached.

teacherjodeeteacherjodee member
100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
edited August 2013 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
FI is in a wedding this weekend and the bride sent him this itinerary. I'll let it speak for itself. I think some of this wedding party only stuff is a little rude. Of course, I'm extra annoyed being as FI has to attend all of the extra stuff and I'm not invited. We are from out of state, so I get to sit in the hotel all alone.
Wedding Countdown Ticker

Re: Party Bus and After Party?? Itinerary Attached.

  • Ugh that's a long gap. You can go to the after party, right? If you were excluded from that I'd be extra mad.

    FI was in a wedding like that once, and at the time I didn't know it was rude. I ended up befriending some other GM wives and we had a blast at the 2.5 hour cocktail "hour" together. It's definitely a rude schedule, but hope something like that happens to make it a little better for you. Good luck!
  • We have a 3 year old, so no I can't go. I understand a gap for pictures, but getting on a bus and stopping at bars doesn't sound very considerate of guests.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Blue_BirdPrettyGirlLost
  • Long time lurker... first time commenter! Where do I find the attachement?
  • Meeles said:

    Long time lurker... first time commenter! Where do I find the attachement?

    It shows up as a picture right under the post. You might need to refresh.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Weird, it doesnt show up for me! Im at work though so its probably the computer! Thanks!

  • Gotcha. I definitely think your FI can consider the after party optional. And I agree that randomly stopping at a bar is not cool. It doesn't even make sense to me-I'd love to skip pictures for my cocktail hour (couldn't talk FI into a first look) but I can go to a bar any old day!
    PrettyGirlLost
  • That gap isn't just rude to you but to all the guests. Badly done. I do not understand how they can take 5 hours of pictures.
    Your fiancé should just skip the after party.
    I'd have your fiancé find out how long the Firestation stop is; if it's an hour or more your fiancé could drive separately and meet up with you as soon as pictures were over. (They can't MAKE him go on the bus if he'd rather spend time with you)

    But a nap is always nice. That might be a nice break before the reception.
    Dare I ask if they are letting you sit together at dinner or are they rudely separating you there too? (If they are, and it was me I'd probably just skip the wedding completely and not travel. But I'm not really a team player)
    Blue_BirdPrettyGirlLost
  • aurianna said:

    That gap isn't just rude to you but to all the guests. Badly done. I do not understand how they can take 5 hours of pictures.
    Your fiancé should just skip the after party.
    I'd have your fiancé find out how long the Firestation stop is; if it's an hour or more your fiancé could drive separately and meet up with you as soon as pictures were over. (They can't MAKE him go on the bus if he'd rather spend time with you)

    But a nap is always nice. That might be a nice break before the reception.
    Dare I ask if they are letting you sit together at dinner or are they rudely separating you there too? (If they are, and it was me I'd probably just skip the wedding completely and not travel. But I'm not really a team player)


    We are sitting separately at the reception. So basically, we won't see much of FI. He feels obligated to attend the events.

    It's too late, we are already here but we also visited his family so it wasn't just for this wedding. However, I'm debating just skipping it all since I'm not included in most of it anyway.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • That long gap for pictures and stops is bad, as is having to sit separately at the reception.  It's not so nice to RSVP yes and then no-show, but I wouldn't blame you if you felt under the weather day-of and stayed in the hotel.  How does your FI feel about it, though?  If he would be disappointed if you didn't attend, I would either go to the ceremony or the reception and suck it up.  
  • This bar may have significance to this couple. People take pics in all kinds of whacky locations for their wedding.
  • That gap isn't just rude to you but to all the guests. Badly done. I do not understand how they can take 5 hours of pictures. Your fiancé should just skip the after party. I'd have your fiancé find out how long the Firestation stop is; if it's an hour or more your fiancé could drive separately and meet up with you as soon as pictures were over. (They can't MAKE him go on the bus if he'd rather spend time with you) But a nap is always nice. That might be a nice break before the reception. Dare I ask if they are letting you sit together at dinner or are they rudely separating you there too? (If they are, and it was me I'd probably just skip the wedding completely and not travel. But I'm not really a team player)
    We are sitting separately at the reception. So basically, we won't see much of FI. He feels obligated to attend the events. It's too late, we are already here but we also visited his family so it wasn't just for this wedding. However, I'm debating just skipping it all since I'm not included in most of it anyway.

    I wouldn't go at all.  There's really no point for you to be there.  Clearly the bride and groom don't care about the comfort of their guests or the feelings of their bridal party.  Hopefully, you won't have to see much of these people after the wedding.

    The only advice I'd give is if you do invite this couple to your wedding, be over the top inclusive and gracious.  Nothing shows people how rude their behavior is than when they are confronted with the complete opposite and see how well it goes over.

    image
    Blue_BirdPrettyGirlLost
  • I'd still go, too. The sitting separately would be the worst part for me, but I agree with the PP who said the best way to handle it is to kill them with hospitality at your own wedding. If your FI wants to go to the after party I'd say let him, if not maybe you can cut out early together.
    STARMOON44
  • scribe95 said:
    Look, while this gap is ridiculous and rude to everyone - NOT JUST YOU - I think you are overblowing these other things. He's a member of the wedding party. You knew that going in.

    I don't think you should renege on your RSVP for such a childish reason. Two wrongs don't make a right.

    Agreed. While the gap is a little annoying that's pretty much the only valid complaint you have in my opinion...and you're not the only one affected.  Deal with it.
    STARMOON44
  • I'm planning on attending. I was always planning on attending, but I just find it strange that they are doing a bar stop in the already long gap. Is that a normal practice?
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • No, it isn't normal. It is rude and indicates the bride obviously has been under the impression that it is "her day" and she can treat her guests poorly. I'm sorry you are facing this. That entire schedule is completely rude and self centered.
    *** Fairy Tales Do Come True *** Wedding Countdown Ticker
    MandyMostPrettyGirlLost
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited August 2013
    I'm planning on attending. I was always planning on attending, but I just find it strange that they are doing a bar stop in the already long gap. Is that a normal practice?


    Unfortunately, the trend to disregard the comfort and hospitality of guests seems to be on the upswing.  A gap should be avoided at all costs.  When a gap must occur, the proper solution is to host something for your guests.  The gap at this wedding does not HAVE to occur.  But it is beyond unfathomable that this B & G would go out of their way to unnecessarily prolong the gap by stopping at a bar for drinks. If the bar is that significant to the couple, they could have had engagement pictures taken there.  Hell, they could have held their rehearsal dinner there.  
    Blue_BirdPrettyGirlLost
  • mlg78 said:
    scribe95 said:
    Look, while this gap is ridiculous and rude to everyone - NOT JUST YOU - I think you are overblowing these other things. He's a member of the wedding party. You knew that going in.

    I don't think you should renege on your RSVP for such a childish reason. Two wrongs don't make a right.

    Agreed. While the gap is a little annoying that's pretty much the only valid complaint you have in my opinion...and you're not the only one affected.  Deal with it.
    I second this. Also, if the ceremony ends at  about 4:00 (after the receiving line), and dinner is served at 6:00, if non-WP guests are at a cocktail hour (I'm not sure if this is the case or not), I don't even see the timeline as much of a problem, other than the fact that the cocktail hour is a little long.  It is also crappy that you two won't be seated together, but I don't think that it is worth getting so upset over.  The fact that they are asking the WP to be there early for pictures or inviting guests to an after-party is not rude.  I'm sorry that you can't go to the after-party because you have a young child, but it still isn't rude of the bride and groom to have an after-party.
    STARMOON44SKPM
  • My nephew and his wife went off on a party bus with their wedding party. They were out bar-hopping for 2 hours, posting pictures of their adventures to Facebook along the way.  While their 400 guests sat in a ballroom with one bar and a couple tables of cheese and crackers.  Dinner wasn't served until 9:30 because of this.  I took my kids and left right after dinner.  Not cool.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    MobKazPrettyGirlLost
  • libby2483 said:


    mlg78 said:


    scribe95 said:

    Look, while this gap is ridiculous and rude to everyone - NOT JUST YOU - I think you are overblowing these other things. He's a member of the wedding party. You knew that going in.

    I don't think you should renege on your RSVP for such a childish reason. Two wrongs don't make a right.


    Agreed. While the gap is a little annoying that's pretty much the only valid complaint you have in my opinion...and you're not the only one affected.  Deal with it.

    I second this. Also, if the ceremony ends at  about 4:00 (after the receiving line), and dinner is served at 6:00, if non-WP guests are at a cocktail hour (I'm not sure if this is the case or not), I don't even see the timeline as much of a problem, other than the fact that the cocktail hour is a little long.  It is also crappy that you two won't be seated together, but I don't think that it is worth getting so upset over.  The fact that they are asking the WP to be there early for pictures or inviting guests to an after-party is not rude.  I'm sorry that you can't go to the after-party because you have a young child, but it still isn't rude of the bride and groom to have an after-party.


    There is no cocktail hour and it's only the wedding party invited to the after party. Even if I could go, I wasn't invited.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Of course you can go to the afterparty! No where does it say "wedding party ONLY". And no, you don't have to sit in the hotel alone from noon until the wedding. That's on you- you could rent a car and go exploring, enjoy the pool, rent a movie, etc. The only part of this plan that sounds rude to me is the gap. Honestly you just sound sulky about being stuck with your 3 year old instead of having fun.
  • Of course you can go to the afterparty! No where does it say "wedding party ONLY". And no, you don't have to sit in the hotel alone from noon until the wedding. That's on you- you could rent a car and go exploring, enjoy the pool, rent a movie, etc. The only part of this plan that sounds rude to me is the gap. Honestly you just sound sulky about being stuck with your 3 year old instead of having fun.
    No. The bride who planned this mess is completely inappropriate and self-centered. The OP has a right to be upset...as do the rest of the guests that are invited to this mess and being treated so poorly. When you have gaps and don't host your guests properly, this is what happens. People judge you, your wedding and how self-centered the bride is acting. It's a consequence of poor planning and thinking "it's my day, I can do what I want" style wedding planning and what we try to warn people about.
    *** Fairy Tales Do Come True *** Wedding Countdown Ticker
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Gaps are always rude, but if this is a church wedding I am sure the issue was that the church schedule and the reception hall schedules don't align (eg., the latest available ceremony time is 2, but the earliest the reception venue can be booked is 6). This does NOT make the gap okay, but if there is gonna be a 2 hour gap I don't see what difference it makes whether the WP is doing pictures, going to a bar, or bungee jumping. It's still gonna be 2 hours of rudeness,
    STARMOON44mlg78PrettyGirlLost
  • mlg78 said:
    scribe95 said:
    Look, while this gap is ridiculous and rude to everyone - NOT JUST YOU - I think you are overblowing these other things. He's a member of the wedding party. You knew that going in.

    I don't think you should renege on your RSVP for such a childish reason. Two wrongs don't make a right.

    Agreed. While the gap is a little annoying that's pretty much the only valid complaint you have in my opinion...and you're not the only one affected.  Deal with it.
    I second this. Also, if the ceremony ends at  about 4:00 (after the receiving line), and dinner is served at 6:00, if non-WP guests are at a cocktail hour (I'm not sure if this is the case or not), I don't even see the timeline as much of a problem, other than the fact that the cocktail hour is a little long.  It is also crappy that you two won't be seated together, but I don't think that it is worth getting so upset over.  The fact that they are asking the WP to be there early for pictures or inviting guests to an after-party is not rude.  I'm sorry that you can't go to the after-party because you have a young child, but it still isn't rude of the bride and groom to have an after-party.
    There is no cocktail hour and it's only the wedding party invited to the after party. Even if I could go, I wasn't invited.
    If that's the case, then they are being pretty rude.  
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Woah!  I feel like the emotions on this thread may be getting out of hand.  You should go!  If these people are close to your FI, then it's important for you to support them even if that large gap is rude.  If you don't show up or pout about the way they planned things, it will only make YOU look bad.  Imagine if the bride in this wedding didn't show up to your big day because of something she didn't like.  Wouldn't you be calling her a B**** behind her back?  Just suck it up, let your honey have some fun, enjoy the free food/open bar, and go back to the hotel and relax.
  • Ah. I skimmed over the part that said it was this weekend. Yeah, if you RSVP'd yes it is too late to change your mind without being rude.

    The situation sucks. The couple is being really rude. I guess try to get through it all best you can and take pride that you won't do the same rude things at your wedding.

    And I just realized that the weekend is over so never mind to all that. How did it go?
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    FI is in a wedding this weekend and the bride sent him this itinerary. I'll let it speak for itself. I think some of this wedding party only stuff is a little rude. Of course, I'm extra annoyed being as FI has to attend all of the extra stuff and I'm not invited. We are from out of state, so I get to sit in the hotel all alone.
    OMG, that itinerary sucks!  Why the hell does this couple need their WP with them for pictures 3 hours before he ceremony and then an additional 2 hours afterwards?

    This would not fly with me at all, especially if my FI was not invited.  I'd have to have a little chat with the couple.  Unless it's a space issue, there is no reason your FI can't ride along with you in the party bus for all of those stupid pictures.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    mlg78 said:
    This bar may have significance to this couple. People take pics in all kinds of whacky locations for their wedding.
    Then do that shit as a couple, because these wacky, off beat places that have significance to the couple have zero significance to their WP.    If you as the Bride and Groom want to take a 2 hour trip all over God's acre to take photos, then let your WP go to the cocktail hour and start socializing and eating/drinking with the rest of your guests.

    And if you as the Bride and Groom feel the need to take 5+ hours of pictures on the day of your wedding, then re-hire your photographers, re-rent the tux, put your dress back on and do that crap on another day.  Your guests don't want to wait around all day waiting for you to show up to your own reception.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    [Deleted User]OjitosVerdes
  • My ex was a pretty popular guy, so he was in tons of wedding parties. All I remember of those weddings is how much it sucked so bad that I had to sit around bored during the gap/cocktail hour time, at a table with people I don't know during dinner, and paying for drinks while he was off galavanting with the couple in the party bus, sitting at the head table, and getting free drinks because he was "in the wedding party".

    I hate this "tradition" so much.

    When I got married last year, we included all WP spouses and SOs in anything the wedding party did.

    PrettyGirlLost
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Yeah, that is rude.  Ugh.  I wouldn't want to go.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards