Hello everyone, this is a two-part question.
I'm essentially not close with my own family, but very close with my FI, his brother/BM, and his mother. I am not close with his sister, and over the course of 5 years of dating, the Groom's Sister, "Sarah" and I have rarely had a conversation and have never hung out. I am at their home frequently for Sunday dinners, holidays, etc. but we've never moved past exchanging pleasantries. We're not friends, and it hasn't become more warm even since my fiancee and I became engaged.
Question 1 - Mother of the Groom is very hurt I don't plan on inviting Sarah to be a bridesmaid, even though I'm not inviting my own sister. I feel that the "family first" argument is kind of nullified when I decided against my own sister. I prefer to be surrounded by my closest friend when I get married, not family who don't really care as I come and go. I have read advice that it's really up to me, but I guess I can ask the question again with emphasis on the fact that this is a traditional Italian family, and it will already be surprising that my bridal party isn't sisters and cousins. Does anyone think I should reconsider and invite her?
Question 2 - My FI is expecting me now to put more effort into getting to know her, despite the fact that I am a shy and more introverted personality. I am very choosy with who I put my time and energy into, and rejection is painful for all of us. I feel like friendships start somewhat naturally and then take time and energy to grow and maintain. Our relationship never started and now I have to "be friends" with her. I feel like I'm being forced on a play-date. Especially to the quiet and more introverted people: how much effort do you really think is reasonable, if we never clicked to begin with?
This is causing me so much stress, especially because no one knows if Sarah actually wants to be involved. I'm not the only one who isn't close to her; it's the whole family!