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My Fiance's Mother :/ Rant

 This is my first time, so please bear with me.  My DF has invited his mother, brother, nephew, AND daughter all down from NY for 2 weeks(yes they are all staying in our house).  This is my first time meeting any members of his family.  I should also say that I recently moved in with my fiance about a week before they came down, huge mistake.  When DF told his mother that he was engaged her response was, " Does she cook and clean?".  My fiance is constantly out of town for business and these past 2 weeks have not been an exception.  While away we got into an argument about something that he did, not able to fully discuss our issues we left it unresolved for the time being.  I admit I was in a very, very bad mood...I cooked and I asked df to take out his mothers food ( I don't know how much she eats, and she is very, very picky).  He takes plates out of the cabinet pours himself something to drink and proceeds to sit down.  I ask him what he is doing can he serve the food, he says he doesn't understand what I'm talking about he's never done that before -_-  and looks to his mother for reassurance.  I told him don't bring his mother into this.  Flash forward a couple of days later his daughter and I are going out and he asks her if she would like to come.  She's laying across the bed saying she doesn't feel well.  The next day he spends all day with her trying to cheer her up... and apparently the reason she acted in such a way was because she felt I talk to him disrespectfully, and that it " hurt her heart (-_-) to see that" He told me what she said as soon as they got back and I spoke to her about it. I said that I apologize if I made you  feel uncomfortable ( but not about what was going on between me and her son).  She proceeds to try to get into a verbal back and forth and I walk away.  Now she is saying that she only wants to spend time with her sons and grandchildren when they go out...this is what has me pissed.  I have a three year old daughter from a previous relationship who by my df insistence calls him "daddy".  My daughter has been spending a lot of her time at my sisters bc of the tension at the house.  On Saturday my fiance's mother said " You have the rest of your life to spend with them, I would like to just spend some time with you and my grandchildren"  I have had a stance on just letting things go... but my daughter has been feeling alienated, I got pissed off to the point of telling my fiance that my daughter can no longer call him daddy until he acts as such.  I want this lady out of my house ... now. I seriously want to throw the baby out with the bath water and leave my fiance bc of this.....I love him... he's the sweetest guy I know but his mother!  What am I supposed to do?

Re: My Fiance's Mother :/ Rant

  • edited August 2013
    @artbyallie Your quote settings look fine on my end. Will check with tech to see what is happening.
  • I think you should break up with him. This whole situation is a mess. How long have you two been together?
  • I think that there are a lot of red flags in this post regarding your relationship with your FI. If I were you, I would move out and think very hard about whether or not you want to continue being in this relationship.
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  • @artbyallie Your quote settings look fine on my end. Will check with tech to see what is happening.
    Thanks, KP.
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  • I'm going to go the other way. Yes, there is a FI problem. He should stick up for you and make sure that his mother knows you are to be respect in your home that you are building together. I'd have a serious talk with him, and try counseling if you truly love him and think he is worth the effort.
  • why have you not met the family before now? how long have you two been together? what is it that you love about him and your relationship? his family has been in his life forever and will be in his life after you two tie the knot. are you expecting things to change and what are the chances of that? just a little food for thought.
    the demise of the relationship is an awful thing to think about but this is the rest of your life. listen to your instincts, they are there to protect you. good luck!
  • Your FI needs to stand up for you. While your FMIL sounds awful, she won't get better until that happens. You are marrying this guy and blending two families. Do you really want to marry someone who won't stand up for you?

  • AjulianaAjuliana member
    500 Comments 250 Love Its Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited August 2013
    I should flag all of you for being meanies.

    Op, where you at @nari&charles
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    Previously Alaynajuliana


  • Am I the only one confused by the OP? 

    I think you are overreacting if you want to leave your FI because of a few things his mother said. Look into some counseling. I don't think your FI is being very disrespectful per se, judging by your post, he may truly not have understood what you were trying to tell him. 


    Anniversary
  • Oh my, it does sound like your FI needs to stick up for you more. Yes it's his mom, but if he wants you to be his wife he should stand up for you. It does sound like she is a drama queen, but the thing is ya you two would be together for life, so you should be included in everything even quality family time. Something should have been said immediately to put her in her place. (I had to deal with similar crap in a past relationship and if he didn't stick up for me I would tell her how it was gonna be.)

    And may I ask how old you two are? Cause you said your not letting your 3 year old call him daddy till he acts as  such..  It is wrong to bring any child into the middle of an adults arguement. That baby doesn't understand.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker


    image 107 Invited so far!
    image 63 Are comming!
    image 9 Will be missing out!
    image 36 Can't find the mailbox!
  • Here's a tip from one single mom to another.  No man tells my child what to call him, my son and my fi both discussed a name for him in my presence. Second, no man chooses his momma over you, and third, if your daughter can't be with you then you need to be with your daughter and not the man.  So many red flags, and trust me I know red flags.  While I try not to ever recommend running, I would seriously consider your options before walking down the aisle.  Remember you are marrying the person he is today, if he changes great, but it's unlikely and if nothing changes will you still be ok with it?
  • To me it sounds like you are not a good match for him. It seems like you aren't the kind of wife his family or he wants. You shouldn't have to change into a subservient wife if you don't want to. My comments are about the cooking cleaning and serving only portion of your post only. Its not clear to me what you said about your kids so I'm not commenting on that part.
  • edited August 2013
    Nari&Charles said: I have a three year old daughter from a previous relationship who by my df insistence calls him "daddy".  My daughter has been spending a lot of her time at my sisters bc of the tension at the house.  On Saturday my fiance's mother said " You have the rest of your life to spend with them, I would like to just spend some time with you and my grandchildren"  I have had a stance on just letting things go... but my daughter has been feeling alienated, I got pissed off to the point of telling my fiance that my daughter can no longer call him daddy until he acts as such.  I want this lady out of my house ... now. I seriously want to throw the baby out with the bath water and leave my fiance bc of this.....I love him... he's the sweetest guy I know but his mother!  What am I supposed to do?
    I feel really sorry for your little girl. The two adults in her life - her mother and her 'daddy,' are sending her very conflicting messages. Do you think it's emotionally healthy for her to call your fi 'daddy' one day and then have that title revoked as a punishment to your fi? Your 3 year old is a wreck to the point where she prefers to go to your sister's house. That's pretty bad. I feel sorry for his child, too, because she's also involved in a tug of war between the adults in her life. How sad for everyone.

    If you're living in your house, by all means, throw them all out. If you're living in his house then pack up your kid and your stuff and get out. Ask him to go for counseling with you to work things out. If he loves you, he'll do what it takes to make your relationship work. 

    ETA- I reread. You're living in his house, so start packing. 
                       
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