New Jersey

XP: Feeling dragged down by the annulment process

I tried starting the process in February due to fi's parents and my grandmother hinting towards wanting it to be a church wedding. The first month they told me I didn't need to do it because the first marriage wasn't valid due to the Pastor never giving permission for us to be married since my ex was a different religion. Then in March they go to say that's not true and now I have to complete the process. So I pay the $200 processing fee and write my 20 page dissertation on all the questions they asked. My three witnesses complete theirs, and my ex does his. The deacon tells me he is submitting it based on immaturity on my ex's part. He is only there once a week so this goes from April to the end of May. 

They deny it and state that I have to approve that our marriage therapist to be contacted for her opinion and that I have to write another statement to convince them that this deserves to be annulled. The deacon is basically telling me I have to lie and say I was immature on my part as well and that we didn't take our vows seriously. This starts in June and they give her 2 months to not answer even though I suggested they not wait so long. Then the deacon leaves the archdiocese and doesn't tell me so the case is assigned to no one. then they tell me I have to give them a check for $150 to have their therapist review the case. To just have the priest at my church tell me that to get married in march we would have to start preparing in September because it has to be six months preparations and we cannot start that until they approve the annulment. So I went through all that wasted the money for them to drag their feet and for them to just say well you aren't going to make it in time.

It was so draining to complete their questionnaire, and then write another statement, pay the money not knowing how long it will take or if they would even grant it, call them once a week, and also hound our priest at our church just as often. Now its time to look at other options. **Le Sigh** 

Re: XP: Feeling dragged down by the annulment process

  • What the hell is this?
    ohxhi
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Huh?  Are you trying to say you got married and are trying to get it annulled so you can get married again??
  • Have you set your wedding date yet?  How important is it to you to actually get the annulment?  I wouldn't bother, but that's just me.  
  • Personally I wouldn't bother. You say you FI's parents and grandparents want a church wedding ut what do you want?  Think about how important a church wedding is to you before you choose to proceed. 
     
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  • Dancer2873Dancer2873 member
    Eighth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited August 2013
    Yes that is what I was trying to say why would someone need an annulment if they weren't married before? But yes I started like you know my situation prior to my vent. 

    At this point its not important to me at least in the catholic church that is, especially since the catholic church can't seem to treat others with respect and dignity. It just irks me that I put the time money and effort in and it pretty much went no where. We did set our wedding date so that is non-negotiable. whatever. Back to the drawing board. 
  • Well you can stick to your original wedding date, get married legally and get married at a later date in the Church if it's important to your FI.   If it's not that important to him, just the family then that's for you guys to decide.   
  • njdoxie said:
    Well you can stick to your original wedding date, get married legally and get married at a later date in the Church if it's important to your FI.   If it's not that important to him, just the family then that's for you guys to decide.   

    This is really bad advice. Covalidations come with their own set of rules and problems. They are not always granted.
     
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  • njdoxie said:
    Well you can stick to your original wedding date, get married legally and get married at a later date in the Church if it's important to your FI.   If it's not that important to him, just the family then that's for you guys to decide.   

    This is really bad advice. Covalidations come with their own set of rules and problems. They are not always granted.
    Oh I didn't realize it could be a problem. So then do they have any options besides postponing the wedding until the annulment comes through? 
  • I appreciate all your help and suggestions. The process and the situation sucks, but it is what it is and I am scrambling to look at other options there is a catholic church in Glen Ridge that isn't roman catholic, they are independent but run the same mass as the roman catholic church. They are much more laid back and are willing to marry us. Then I am meeting with a bunch of officiants this week and next and going back to look at the reception hall to work out the logistics of possibly having it there. 

    We also looked at an art gallery in hoboken as a potential space but it is too small for a wedding ceremony to have as many ppl sit there but it was definitely a cool space. The Montclair Museum is unavailable on that date, so that's a no go. 

    Thanks again girls! It just gets crazy with the Catholic Church, the rules they have and how they run things in unconventional circumstances.
  • njdoxie said:
    njdoxie said:
    Well you can stick to your original wedding date, get married legally and get married at a later date in the Church if it's important to your FI.   If it's not that important to him, just the family then that's for you guys to decide.   

    This is really bad advice. Covalidations come with their own set of rules and problems. They are not always granted.
    Oh I didn't realize it could be a problem. So then do they have any options besides postponing the wedding until the annulment comes through? 

    Not if they want a Catholic wedding.
     
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  • @Dancer2873, I think I recall you mentioning your were having your reception at the Glen Ridge Women's Club.   I attended a wedding there and the ceremony was held upstairs.  Is the upstairs room too small for your ceremony?
  • we were planning to have cocktail hour in that room so if we got married there we would  do it in the main room with the tables pushed to the sides and chairs in the middle. go upstairs to the cocktail hour room and just remove the chairs push the tables in place and put the chairs around the table.
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