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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Duel Roles

I am a female best man. I am extremely frustrated. I have been planning the whole Bach. party with almost no help. My fiancé is doing most of the helping. I originally asked for the groomsman to help pay for the paintball and maybe a little extra. I find out that he cannot do so yesterday because he chose the wrong roommate and is now having to pay for all of the rent. It has also been brought to my attention that the Maid of Honor and brides maid are not communicating with the Bride. She now wants to tag along on our stuff. I cannot afford to do everything for their entire wedding. I do not know what to do. I do not want to tell her no because I think that she should have her moment too, but this is his day. His Bach. party. I am feeling like I am the only responsible party in this party. What should I do?<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

Re: Duel Roles

  • First, you shouldn't have asked anyone to help you plan the party. You ask if they'd like be be involved, then go from there, but don't make any decisions for them financially or otherwise. 

    That said, it sounds like a shit show. I would cancel the bachelor party and maybe host a small co-ed party at your home or something since that wouldn't cost as much as going out. 

    Leave the bride tagging along to the groom. That's not your problem. 
  • vsigety said:

    I am a female best man. I am extremely frustrated. I have been planning the whole Bach. party with almost no help. My fiancé is doing most of the helping. I originally asked for the groomsman to help pay for the paintball and maybe a little extra. I find out that he cannot do so yesterday because he chose the wrong roommate and is now having to pay for all of the rent. It has also been brought to my attention that the Maid of Honor and brides maid are not communicating with the Bride. She now wants to tag along on our stuff. I cannot afford to do everything for their entire wedding. I do not know what to do. I do not want to tell her no because I think that she should have her moment too, but this is his day. His Bach. party. I am feeling like I am the only responsible party in this party. What should I do?<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

    You're not required to throw a bachelor party, nor is anyone else required to chip in.

    Why are you arranging for an event you can't afford?

    Can you and your FI take the couple out to dinner and for some drinks and call it a night?

  • Don't plan a party you can't afford. And don't ask for anyone else to fund it. 

    That said, here's what you CAN do. Plan a night out where everyone meets at your house and then goes to the bar. Have people come over at 8 or 9pm (read: after dinner). Buy some beer and some finger foods (nothing expensive). Head out to the bar at 9 or 10pm. Everyone is on their own for transportation and drinks after that. Of course, I'd pay for the groom's drinks and a cab home for him if needed, but that's it.

    Offer that idea up to the groom. If he likes it, let him know that the bride has expressed interest in coming along. Ask him if that's ok. Do what he's ok with and let him sort it out with his bride.
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  • I like MissSunshine's idea of hosting a small co-ed party at your house.  It doesn't need to be too elaborate or expensive.
  • I did not plan something I could not afford. He originally said he was going to chip in for the groom's paintball. Paintball is expensive.

  • vsigety said:
    I did not plan something I could not afford. He originally said he was going to chip in for the groom's paintball. Paintball is expensive.
    Well, now I guess he isn't helping, so the plan is off. Don't try to host something you can't afford or try to get anyone else to help pay for it, since that didn't work the first time around. 
  • vsigety said:
    I did not plan something I could not afford. He originally said he was going to chip in for the groom's paintball. Paintball is expensive.

    Welp, guess you're not going paintballing. There are plenty of low-key options you can do that we've begun to suggest above.

    Did your OP not say that you "can't afford to do everything for their entire wedding"? THEN DON'T. Problem solved.


     

  • Okay, consider the plans off at this point.  If someone is backing out of plans to pay for something that they promised to pay for, unfortunately you can't rely on them anymore.

    If you do decide to plan something, don't assume anyone else will contribute so much as one penny.  Be prepared to pay for it all, but don't go out of budget to do so.  You're not required to pay for something you can't afford.
  • @NYCBruin, if I wasn't before I definitely am now!
  • It took a lot for me to not state that the only "duel roles" were as participant or second.
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