Is it okay to use this dress?

emilan1985 · August 2013

Hi ladies, this is my frist post and I am hoping to get some advice here. I had gotten engaged years ago, and I went looking at dresses right away. Just to look. Well I found a dress that was THE dress. I found out the dress was being discontinued and they only had a few left. Luckily one was my size, so I bought it thinking that it wouldn't be around when it was actually time to get a dress. 2 months later I found out my ex was cheating on my and had been for months before that as well. Well the dress was not returnable so it has been sitting in the bag at my mom's house in the back of a closet. $600 wasted (it was originally around $1200.) My boyfriend asked me to marry him last week, we've been together almost 3 years and have a 2 year old son. He was my best friend for 5 years before we started dating so he knows I have that dress and everything, and has said before that he wouldn't care if I wore it for our wedding since I loved it so much. I haven't looked at it, other than once to see if it had been yellowing or anything. I want to go look at dresses and see if I fall in love with something else, but I want to bring that dress too and try it on and see if I still have the same feelings about it. My problem is that even though so far, I still want to use that dress, I feel like it would be really weird to wear it when I bought it when I was with a different person. I feel like anyone who knows this will be offended or something... What would you do?

Thanks!
Emily

MayDay513 · August 2013

emilan1985 said:

Hi ladies, this is my frist post and I am hoping to get some advice here. I had gotten engaged years ago, and I went looking at dresses right away. Just to look. Well I found a dress that was THE dress. I found out the dress was being discontinued and they only had a few left. Luckily one was my size, so I bought it thinking that it wouldn't be around when it was actually time to get a dress. 2 months later I found out my ex was cheating on my and had been for months before that as well. Well the dress was not returnable so it has been sitting in the bag at my mom's house in the back of a closet. $600 wasted (it was originally around $1200.) My boyfriend asked me to marry him last week, we've been together almost 3 years and have a 2 year old son. He was my best friend for 5 years before we started dating so he knows I have that dress and everything, and has said before that he wouldn't care if I wore it for our wedding since I loved it so much. I haven't looked at it, other than once to see if it had been yellowing or anything. I want to go look at dresses and see if I fall in love with something else, but I want to bring that dress too and try it on and see if I still have the same feelings about it. My problem is that even though so far, I still want to use that dress, I feel like it would be really weird to wear it when I bought it when I was with a different person. I feel like anyone who knows this will be offended or something... What would you do?
Thanks!
Emily

I think it's totally fine to use the dress. Unless you hate it. If you still love it, and he's cool with it I don't see why not. If some random ass person would be offended over your dress, they probably have bigger issues and you shouldn't waste a perfectly good $600 that you like.

itzMS · August 2013

emilan1985 said:

Hi ladies, this is my frist post and I am hoping to get some advice here. I had gotten engaged years ago, and I went looking at dresses right away. Just to look. Well I found a dress that was THE dress. I found out the dress was being discontinued and they only had a few left. Luckily one was my size, so I bought it thinking that it wouldn't be around when it was actually time to get a dress. 2 months later I found out my ex was cheating on my and had been for months before that as well. Well the dress was not returnable so it has been sitting in the bag at my mom's house in the back of a closet. $600 wasted (it was originally around $1200.) My boyfriend asked me to marry him last week, we've been together almost 3 years and have a 2 year old son. He was my best friend for 5 years before we started dating so he knows I have that dress and everything, and has said before that he wouldn't care if I wore it for our wedding since I loved it so much. I haven't looked at it, other than once to see if it had been yellowing or anything. I want to go look at dresses and see if I fall in love with something else, but I want to bring that dress too and try it on and see if I still have the same feelings about it. My problem is that even though so far, I still want to use that dress, I feel like it would be really weird to wear it when I bought it when I was with a different person. I feel like anyone who knows this will be offended or something... What would you do?
Thanks!
Emily

I think you're worrying wayyyyy too much.

I'm not sure why you didn't sell it years ago if you were worried about any bad vibes with it or something.

If you like it and it still fits, by all means wear it.

elizabetheleven · August 2013

I think it'd be perfectly fine to wear it. It's not like you wore it down the aisle before.

I think your idea to look around still and to try the dress on again is a great idea. You've grown since then so you may feel differently about it now.

LiLe422 · August 2013

I think you should try it on and see how it makes you feel.

If you have a dreadful feeling and it reminds you of your past relationship -- scrap it. If you are still very much in love with it and imagine marrying your FI in it -- wear it!

Ajuliana · August 2013

I'm sure it's still very pretty, but wedding gowns have feelings attached to them. I would of course try it on and if you have any issues with it, just sell it online or donate it. Maybe your first wedding was supposed to be a beach one, and now with your FI it will be in a church--it may not "fit". The point being, you, your tastes, your FI, your body type, may have all changed and that's not a bad thing. Although, you may still love it and give that dress it's purpose back!

OjitosVerdes · August 2013

OP - I have been in a really similar situation as you. In my case I decided to buy a new dress, however, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you wearing your old dress. And no one but the two of you need to know it was purchased for another wedding. I think most of us choose our dresses based on how they make us feel - what makes us feel most beautiful and most like a "bride" - the choice isn't necessarily based on any one guy or wedding. I know that opinions on this vary, but as long as your FI is ok with it and you aren't going to feel weird about it on your wedding day, then go for it! $600 saved!

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emilan1985 · August 2013

Thanks everyone! Yea I feel like I probably am a little too worried lol I was like oh geez we're not even getting into the serious business of planning a wedding and I'm already being like this. I don't feel like I bought the dress "for" my ex,I bought it for me, so it should be okay to still use it's just I guess I'm worried about being judged. For example, if my fiance's mom knew she would not be happy about it.

MayDay513 · August 2013

emilan1985 said:

Thanks everyone! Yea I feel like I probably am a little too worried lol I was like oh geez we're not even getting into the serious business of planning a wedding and I'm already being like this. I don't feel like I bought the dress "for" my ex,I bought it for me, so it should be okay to still use it's just I guess I'm worried about being judged. For example, if my fiance's mom knew she would not be happy about it.

This irks me a little bit. Part of me is like, if she doesn't like it then she can buy you a new dress. If you and FI don't care then that's all that matters.
I'm done. I will take my feisty pants off now.

Jen4948 · August 2013

emilan1985 said:

Thanks everyone! Yea I feel like I probably am a little too worried lol I was like oh geez we're not even getting into the serious business of planning a wedding and I'm already being like this. I don't feel like I bought the dress "for" my ex,I bought it for me, so it should be okay to still use it's just I guess I'm worried about being judged. For example, if my fiance's mom knew she would not be happy about it.

Who knows that this dress was originally purchased for another wedding?

What your FMIL doesn't know about the dress really isn't her business. Ignore other people's "judgments" about the dress. The important thing is that YOU are happy wearing it.

jcrmc · August 2013

Always remember: what we went through in the past is what made the people in our lives NOW love us. If I hadnt had a horrible relationship when I was 19/20/21, I wouldnt have known what to look for and avoid. If I hadnt had a mental breakdown at 27, I wouldnt know how to take care of myself today and know my limits, etc.

If you love the dress, wear it. Simple as that

photokitty · August 2013

My friend had a similar situation. She wore THE dress in the wedding to her husband and they are happily married years later with 3 kids. Do what makes you happy - and if you can save money not buying a new dress that's a bonus!! GL!

J9lawrence · August 2013

If you love the dress, wear it! If you feel that people might judge, than I wouldn't mention it to anybody. It is none of their business anyways!

(Also, I saw this happen once on "Say Yes To The Dress". The bride chose to take the dress home as she loved the dress. In a couple of years it showed her coming back for a fitting with the same dress for her wedding.)

OjitosVerdes · August 2013

emilan1985 said:

Thanks everyone! Yea I feel like I probably am a little too worried lol I was like oh geez we're not even getting into the serious business of planning a wedding and I'm already being like this. I don't feel like I bought the dress "for" my ex,I bought it for me, so it should be okay to still use it's just I guess I'm worried about being judged. For example, if my fiance's mom knew she would not be happy about it.

I do empathize with that worry - in my case, one of the reasons I chose not to wear my old dress is because when I originally purchased it, I excitedly told a lot of my family about it/showed them pics/etc. Fast forward almost 8 years later, and when my current FI and I got engaged, quite a few of my family members and oldest friends asked "so are you going to wear THE DRESS?" Lesson learned and I should have kept my mouth shut. Although FI knew I was considering wearing it, I didn't want their to be any talk of it on my wedding day so I just decided to get another dress. I totally agree with the advice to ignore people's judgement, but in my case I decided too many people knew and I just didn't want to deal with it. There is absolutely NOTHING to judge, but in your case I would suggest just keeping it between the two of you. There is no reason for your FMIL, or anyone else, to know.

grumbledore · August 2013

emilan1985 said:

Hi ladies, this is my frist post and I am hoping to get some advice here. I had gotten engaged years ago, and I went looking at dresses right away. Just to look. Well I found a dress that was THE dress. I found out the dress was being discontinued and they only had a few left. Luckily one was my size, so I bought it thinking that it wouldn't be around when it was actually time to get a dress. 2 months later I found out my ex was cheating on my and had been for months before that as well. Well the dress was not returnable so it has been sitting in the bag at my mom's house in the back of a closet. $600 wasted (it was originally around $1200.) My boyfriend asked me to marry him last week, we've been together almost 3 years and have a 2 year old son. He was my best friend for 5 years before we started dating so he knows I have that dress and everything, and has said before that he wouldn't care if I wore it for our wedding since I loved it so much. I haven't looked at it, other than once to see if it had been yellowing or anything. I want to go look at dresses and see if I fall in love with something else, but I want to bring that dress too and try it on and see if I still have the same feelings about it. My problem is that even though so far, I still want to use that dress, I feel like it would be really weird to wear it when I bought it when I was with a different person. I feel like anyone who knows this will be offended or something... What would you do?
Thanks!
Emily

I think if you are both okay with it, then go ahead and wear it. I would just be sure that he really is okay with it (and you too) because it would be stupid to have it causing stress.

Ajuliana · August 2013

It comes down to what you want to do. If you are fine and your FI is fine, go ahead. But don't feel like you HAVE to wear it or CANT wear it unless those reasons are your OWN!

Teddy917 · August 2013

My opinion is that I don't stop wearing an outfit just because I wore it when I spent time with an ex. If I like the outfit, I wear it. The only way I wouldn't is if you had actually married him in it, but since you didn't, if you want to, I say go for it.

Bubbles2014 · August 2013

Wear the dress. If you love it then it doesn't matter when or why it was purchased.

I'm wearing the engagement ring that I purchased (with staff discount that I was about to lose due to me getting a new job, not because I'm a weirdo) when I was with my ex. I figured he would ask me to marry him (we talked about it) so I may as well get a nice ring at a good price. When I got together with my FI and we started talking marriage I told him that I already had a nice ring, and why I had it, and we agreed to just use it since I liked it and would want something similar anyway.

Is it okay to use this dress?

Re: Is it okay to use this dress?

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