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October 2013 Weddings
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Rehearsal Dinner

rustytammyrustytammy member
5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
in October 2013 Weddings
FI and I Skyped with his parents yesterday.  They have decided to cover the cost of the rehearsal dinner.  Which I thought/think that is wonderful of them.  Then the discussion turned to FMIL asking me to send her the addresses for the WP and my family.  Again, not really thinking of it until later.  I'm now afraid that she is thinking of inviting all of their family as well.  My concern is that my Matron of Honor's husband and brother are going to be preparing dinner and should FMIL invite their entire family it will be more of a burden on the friends who have been kind enough to volunteer to cook.  We would be talking a difference of 20 vs 40!!!  FI and I had discussed just doing a simple BBQ for the rehearsal dinner.  

I'm not sure how to handle this.  Do I put together all the people we wish to have invited, including their side, and tell her that this is the list we compiled to have at that dinner?  Do I have another discussion with her and see what her idea for the invite list is?  

I really don't want this to turn into the Currier family reunion; I know kind of bridezilla of me, but it isn't our fault that his parents choose to not visit more often than every 5 or so years.  FIL's are planning on being here for 3 weeks so that they can visit all of the family.  So my feelings are that they will have plenty of time to visit with all of the relatives.  UGH!
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Re: Rehearsal Dinner

  • SewInLoveWithDMBSewInLoveWithDMB member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    I would let them host whoever they want to host. Make sure your key people are invited as well, and let them do whatever they want to do.

    If there are any out of town guests on your side, you might want to include them as well. Beyond that - you really can't worry about who they invite.
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  • ladymikeladymike member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment

    That's weird to me. My understanding of the rehearsal dinner is that it's just supposed to be your wedding party, the parents, and maybe extend to grandparents.. perhaps your officiant, too, if they'd like. It's not supposed to be the whole wedding invite list. If you aren't "rehearsing" to be in the ceremony, you don't need to be invited.

    I don't know.. I get so angry about all of this wedding etiquette mumbo jumbo. My FMIL is covering our rehearsal dinner and if she was inviting the whole family, I'd speak up. But, that's me! If I gave all my opinions, Etiquette Queens all over the world would drop dread ;-).

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    SewInLoveWithDMB said:
    I would let them host whoever they want to host. Make sure your key people are invited as well, and let them do whatever they want to do.

    If there are any out of town guests on your side, you might want to include them as well. Beyond that - you really can't worry about who they invite.
    Normally, I'd agree with the bolded... but... we can't possibly host all of our OOT guests at our rehearsal dinner. It would become a reception the day before the wedding.

    So, we're inviting the WP, their SOs, our immediate families, our grandparents, and the officiant (plus his wife). Total is something like 24 or 25 people.
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  • joellennitschejoellennitsche member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    lplions said:
    SewInLoveWithDMB said:
    I would let them host whoever they want to host. Make sure your key people are invited as well, and let them do whatever they want to do.

    If there are any out of town guests on your side, you might want to include them as well. Beyond that - you really can't worry about who they invite.
    Normally, I'd agree with the bolded... but... we can't possibly host all of our OOT guests at our rehearsal dinner. It would become a reception the day before the wedding.

    So, we're inviting the WP, their SOs, our immediate families, our grandparents, and the officiant (plus his wife). Total is something like 24 or 25 people.

    same here, only immediate family and the wedding party. thats what i thought it was supposed to be anyways?
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  • rustytammyrustytammy member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    I want to keep this as the WP and immediate family only.  Plus, like I posted earlier, I don't want to overburden my friends who have volunteered to cook for us.  It's not fair for them to think it will only be around 20 people and then turns out to be for 40.

    @Sew ~ We are OOT guests.  LOL  So basically it would be like lp and it would turn into a reception before the wedding.
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  • shaylagirlshaylagirl member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    I have a few OOT guests that are invited to our rehearsal dinner.  The plan as it stands now is to just forgo the rehearsing part (my ceremony site CURRENTLY doesn't have a wedding scheduled for Friday evening, but that's subject to change), and FI doesn't understand why we need to rehearse anyway.  "Don't you just walk down the aisle?  You don't know how to walk?  You need to practice walking?"  He's such a smart ass.

    But, I do want to have just a get together with everyone who's supporting us and who's in the wedding as well as their spouses/significant others, so, we're doing a dinner for all of them, plus the 3 or 4 OOT guests.

    So, I think our guest list for that is currently sitting at about 20 people. 


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  • thejucheideathejucheidea member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    We're only inviting our parents, wedding party and officiant to the rehearsal dinner. If other out-of-towners want to hang around with us, they have all day Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday to do so.

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  • schellzinatorschellzinator member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Everyone coming to our wedding is OOT and we aren't inviting them to the Rehearsal Dinner - only those directly involved in the wedding and also FI's sister (who we asked to do a reading - but she declined). But we ARE planning on stopping at the house that all of my high school friends are staying at and are telling everyone we are meeting at a bar close to the hotel after the dinner and if people want to join us they can!
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  • kristingregweddingkristingregwedding member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    Yikes.. we have almost 50 on our list! I guess it doesn't help that we have 14 total in our wedding party, so plus their dates, that's already 28 not including FI and myself! 2 of my bridesmaids are under 18, so we are inviting their parents and sisters as well so that they don't have to worry about driving the long distance themselves.  It adds up, but my FIL's are hosting and said the more the merrier.. we are only asking one couple (not in the wedding) who are OOT to join us since they invited us to their rehearsal dinner when we went to their wedding. 
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  • SewInLoveWithDMBSewInLoveWithDMB member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    So far: 29 adults associated with the bridal party, our parents, SOs.

    8 children: 7 in bridal party, 1 sibling that is not in bridal party, but is from OOT

    Plus any other relatives on either side that are really close and could want to come - my great aunt, my aunt and uncle that are from OOT, my cousin and her husband who are not OOT but hosting my aunt an uncle during their visit, FI's mother's 2 sisters and their husbands.  

    That is 46. I can think of others who could be included as well.
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  • rustytammyrustytammy member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    I talked to my friends last night who will be doing the cooking.  They said let her invite whomever she would like.  To them not such a big deal to cook for the additional people.  *sigh*  I wanted to keep this small.  Oh well!  We will see what she comes up with I guess!  LOL
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  • Stina51286Stina51286 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    We are doing wedding party, officiant/spouse, dj/spouse (he is playing the music for us and is my mom's friend), parents, and siblings not in the wedding. We're at 35 people with that. Our reception hall has a restaurant connected and are giving us a 10% discount since our wedding is there the next day.

     

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  • schellzinatorschellzinator member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    We have 30 people in total.Could be 31 if FI decides to invite his Dad..the verdict is still out on that one. Our venue is an Italian restaurant in the next town over that lets us BYOB - we are saving a ton of money on that! PHEW - coz it definitely feels like I'm bleeding green over here :)
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  • EmilyTorkEmilyTork member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    We will have WP (plus spouses) which is 10, plus FI and I, parents (6) no officiant (FI dad) and grandparents possibly. We are just catering in stuff for tacos so not too big. Plus RB (parents both in wedding) and FG (FI half-sister). So for sure 20, and if grandparents come 26?

    I wouldn't go too big if it was me or else it could just be more added stress right before the big day. 
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