I am a BM...what should I do?

Re: I am a BM...what should I do?

• misssunshine17 member

  

  August 2013

  It's not your place to be offering this kind of advice. I understand you're trying to help and coming from a good place, but it's not your job. She sounds like a bitch and I would not continue a relationship after the wedding. 

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• astimmel member

  

  August 2013

  If she won't hear what you're saying, then you tried and that's that. You can't force it on her and it's definitely not your job to do damage control. If her wedding gets messed up, it's clearly her doing and you shouldn't feel responsible for any of it. It's sweet of you to be concerned, and I understand that as an event planner it's probably driving you nuts, but if I were you I wouldn't waste my energy on someone who isn't receptive. Good luck!
  

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  August 2013

  Honestly I wouldn't try again.  You have tried as have others to talk with her about wedding details that may need to be tweaked due to timing and logistic purposes.  If she hasn't listened to sound advice yet she most likely won't in the future.  

  
  

  At this point just try to enjoy the wedding day.  If the shit hits the fan on the big day just stay calm and stay out of it.  There is no reason for you to have to jump in and fix things.  Unfortunately a bride has to learn the hard way that treating your friends and family like crap and not listening to advice from people outside of her little wedding bubble is not the past thing to do.

  
  

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• MayDay513 member

  

  August 2013

  RainDancer218 said:

  I am a BM in a friend's wedding that is fast approaching. Friend is being a bridezilla and has made the pre-wedding experience miserable for her BMs, her family, and herself. Her behavior as my friend has been extremely upsetting to the point that I am not sure I want to keep her as a friend after the wedding. I've decided to give her a "pass" until after the wedding and then re-evaluate. (Note that myself, other BMs, other groomsmen, and her mother have tried for weeks to communicate our feelings about how she is acting, which has in no case been successful.) 

  
  

  Bride and BMs recently met to discuss wedding day logistics, and during this meeting I realized that the bride has overlooked some important details (need to have nearby parking reserved for older folks who can't walk 1/4 mile) and has some flawed ideas about how things will work (how long it will take to get ready and take photos WAY underestimated). I did try to communicate some of these during our meeting but was largely ignored by bride. As a professional event planner and someone who just got married last year, I believe that big problems will result if these concerns are not addressed. Although my attempts to communicate have been mostly ignored thus far, I feel that I need to try again. I don't want her wedding to be a disaster, and I don't want to play damage control on the wedding day. Is there are appropriate way for me to bring up these concerns and try to help formulate a better wedding day plan? I am not hopeful that I will be listened to, but I will also not forgive myself for not trying if the wedding goes poorly. Thoughts?

  She sounds like she doesn't care what you think. She's an adult. If you tell her once and she doesn't listen thats on her. I know you are trying to make life easier on yourself the day of the wedding. What I would do is pack my own 5th and a ham and cheese sandwich for the day.
  

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• itzMS member

  

  August 2013 edited August 2013

  I appreciate your sentiments.

  But supposedly you're one of her best friends, and a professional event planner, and she hasn't asked you for advice?!? Yowza. That's her mistake.

  I'm with PP. Eat, drink, be merry, and just enjoy yourself...let her and her FH deal with the hiccups.

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• Jen4948 member

  

  August 2013

  It sounds like she won't hear anything anyone says.
  
  But since you haven't been retained by her in a professional capacity, I wouldn't bring up these things that you're noticing-that's for anyone she has hired as a professional to do.
  
  Sometimes you just have to sit back and let people make and own their own mistakes, even when you can see disaster coming down the road.
  

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  August 2013 edited August 2013

  Sorry that you're dealing with this, OP. As a professional event planner, I can't imagine how frustrating it must be for you to see the trainwreck coming, sound the alarm bells, and have sit back with a cig knowing what's about to go down. 

  
  

  I'm actually going to go against the grain here and say try talking to her again. It might not have been a good time to bring up issues in a big group where she's put on the spot. Try pulling her aside for a private conversation. Don't bring up any other issues. Just let her know that, in your professional experience, long walks for the elderly are ill-advised and brides usually have regrets about not leaving enough time for pictures. 

  
  

  In a professional capacity, I always appreciate it when people who bring up problems also suggest viable solutions. I would do this in this situation also. If there's no viable solution, I'd let it go and let her deal with the ramifications of her poor choices. 

  
  

  Either way, buy yourself a flask and make yourself scarce. Please report back - we do love good bridezilla stories!  

  
  

  ETA: grammar fail

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