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Guest List worries

kimmieryan0406kimmieryan0406 member
25 Love Its 10 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi!

So, I'm starting to get the jitters in regards to my guest list. We are 3 months from our wedding (11/16) and I have a TON of out-of-town family. When we first created the guest list, I was told that since the wedding is so close to Thanksgiving, most out-of-towners would probably not make it. I have a cap on my numbers because my mother and father are paying for the reception...no more than 150 people.

Come to find out, apparently some of my out-of-town family members are trying to make concessions to make it to my wedding. I sent out save the dates to 180 people for a 150 person wedding. Now I have to send the invitations soon and I'm scared that we are going to be over the 150.

Am I worried over nothing or am I in danger of having to "uninvite" people or pay out of pocket for additional guests? We have a low budget wedding now because we had some extra expenses come up recently. My fiance thinks we will be under the 150 but I'm not so sure. Any advice or thoughts/opinions would be much appreciated.
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Re: Guest List worries

  • MayDay513MayDay513 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments 5 Answers First Anniversary
    kimmieryan0406 said:
    Hi!

    So, I'm starting to get the jitters in regards to my guest list. We are 3 months from our wedding (11/16) and I have a TON of out-of-town family. When we first created the guest list, I was told that since the wedding is so close to Thanksgiving, most out-of-towners would probably not make it. I have a cap on my numbers because my mother and father are paying for the reception...no more than 150 people.

    Come to find out, apparently some of my out-of-town family members are trying to make concessions to make it to my wedding. I sent out save the dates to 180 people for a 150 person wedding. Now I have to send the invitations soon and I'm scared that we are going to be over the 150.

    Am I worried over nothing or am I in danger of having to "uninvite" people or pay out of pocket for additional guests? We have a low budget wedding now because we had some extra expenses come up recently. My fiance thinks we will be under the 150 but I'm not so sure. Any advice or thoughts/opinions would be much appreciated.
    Oops. It looks like you over invited. Everyone you sent a save the date to must receive an invite. You could get lucky and have 30 people RSVP no, but I would start saving and preparing to cover the additional 30 you sent STDs to.

    We only had about 10 people rsvp no.
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  • LDubHawksFanLDubHawksFan member
    1000 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited August 2013
    Eek a std means an invite. You should always plan for 100% attendance....so you need to prepare and save to pay for those extra 30 guests. If you have less than you will just have money in savings or you can splurge on the honeymoon. This is all assuming your 150 max is just based on your parents budget, not a fire code max for the venue. If that were the case, the. You would need to find a new venue.

    For lurkers, this is why you don't send stds to everyone on your list and why you don't over invite. Even though you may not think people will travel, sometimes it's a great excuse for a family reunion and everyone comes.

    image
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  • OjitosVerdesOjitosVerdes member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Hi Kimmie - when I started planning, I heard a lot of "count on 20% attrition!" ... "count on 40% of your out of town guests not making it!" .... while statistically that might be accurate in some cases, unfortunately you do have to plan for 100% attendance. This is the danger of overinviting. At this point you cannot "uninvite" people - once invitations are sent, you are committed to hosting those people. 

    It sounds like the cap is due to finances and not space, so I would suggest finding a way you can host those additional people, if they indeed make it. Ways to save money - can you switch up your menu - for example do a buffet instead of a plated dinner? Can you switch to a less expensive photography package? Is there any way you and your FI could save for the additional 30? Come up with a worst case scenario contingency plan, and then go with your original plans if you due indeed have more "no's", then you can go with your original plans. 

    But please - no uninviting. It would be hurtful and rude to your guests. 
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    And that is why you always plan for 100% attendance.

    Like PP have said you are going to have to start saving up to help cover the costs.

    H and I invited 135 people and we only had 5 people rsvp no.

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  • harper0813harper0813 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    Is the 150 the venue capacity?
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  • kimmieryan0406kimmieryan0406 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments
    I had a feeling. I mean there are 43 out of town guests that we were told probably wouldn't come and I just heard from my cousin that about 10 of the ones I wasn't expecting are trying to come. I might be okay but you're probably right. I think I got bad advice and I over-invited. That really stinks.
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  • kimmieryan0406kimmieryan0406 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments
    150 was the # my father agreed to. The ballroom holds 200+
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  • OjitosVerdesOjitosVerdes member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited August 2013
    Yeah, it was definitely bad advice -  I think venues are notorious for dishing it out, because it works in their favor if they're wrong. I have been shocked by the guests on our guest list that I was CERTAIN wouldn't make it, that are making a incredible effort to attend. 

    PS - I'm an 11/16 bride, too! I know that weekend is difficult for people because it is so close to Thanksgiving and you might end up with the numbers you want, but I'd just put aside the cash necessary to cover the extra expenses just in case. 

    Edited to say - I missed that only STDs had gone out at this point. That said, everyone that got an STD needs an invite. But I'm pretty sure you know that. :)


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  • LDubHawksFanLDubHawksFan member
    1000 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    kimmieryan0406 said:

    150 was the # my father agreed to. The ballroom holds 200+

    This is great news. Talk to your venue to see if there is a slightly cheaper meal option to make the cost of 180 closer to the $ that 150 might have cost your dad. At least invitations haven't gone out so you can make such changes. Once you get RSVPs, if you are closer to your original numbers then you could upgrade appetizers or you drink options.
    Kudos for you for having such a good attitude about this and working on a solution.

    image
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    kimmieryan0406 said:
    150 was the # my father agreed to. The ballroom holds 200+
    Whew.  Etiquette requires you always to plan for and be prepared for 100% attendance-never to plan for no-shows.  If you sent 180 save-the-dates, then you need to be prepared to host 180 people.  I'm glad that your venue's capacity allows for that.
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  • Xstatic3333Xstatic3333 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    kimmieryan0406 said:

    Haha good thing we have 90% of our budget saved already or I might be crying right now. :) I should just be thankful so many people want to come! Very blessed.

    That's the right attitude! The good news is you figured this out while there's still lots of time to save. Good luck!
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  • SewInLoveWithDMBSewInLoveWithDMB member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Everyone has already stated that if they get a save the date, they need to get an invite as well.

    You need to plan that if 100% do come, it isn't an issue. But, statistically, you will probably not get 100% in attendance.  

    Since it is a budget issue and not a space in the venue issue, I think the advice to save more or try to re-distribute the costs are great ideas.

    Wait a bit longer until you receive more rsvp's. You might be worrying for nothing, but knowing you could have some options (extra $$ saved or different food options) could help you feel better in the meantime. Good luck!
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    image 293 (Adults) Invited
    image198 Yes (+ 12 children and 3 babies)
    image95 No
    image0 Unknown

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  • ashleyepashleyep member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    kimmieryan0406 said:
    Haha good thing we have 90% of our budget saved already or I might be crying right now. :) I should just be thankful so many people want to come! Very blessed.
    If push comes to shove can your parents cover the overage and then you two can pay them back as you get the money?
    Anniversary
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  • emmyg65emmyg65 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    Honestly, I think you'll probably be fine, but other posters are right. Start saving just in case! (And future brides should plan for 100%.)
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  • kimmieryan0406kimmieryan0406 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments
    Thanks for all the advice!

    My fiance and I set up a "just in case" fund and are already contributing towards it. And my parents are aware that we may be over the 150 and didn't seem to mind as long as we helped out with extra costs. I'm just glad I asked bc now I know where we stand!

    It just goes to show that you need to expect the unexpected and never assume. Any brides out there who are just digging into the process...this is a great way to learn from other people's mistakes. If you only want 150...only invite 150. :)
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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Stick around, OP.  You have a great attitude about receiving advice. Who knows, you may still make your 150 goal, or you may be over or under. As long as you're prepared to host everyone, you'll be fine and it will be a great day.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I would start saving up money until you get the RSVPS in because you can't uninvite people. You may come in ok, but better to be safe then sorry. I had something similar happen to me. Don't worry at least 30 % of the list won't come I was told. That was off by a lot. Luckily a people from our friends list didn't come so we had 20% decline, but it was still  more then we were originally told. Luckily we had room in the budget for it. So I understand your panic. I hope it all works out for you.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    kimmieryan0406 said:
    Thanks for all the advice!

    My fiance and I set up a "just in case" fund and are already contributing towards it. And my parents are aware that we may be over the 150 and didn't seem to mind as long as we helped out with extra costs. I'm just glad I asked bc now I know where we stand!

    It just goes to show that you need to expect the unexpected and never assume. Any brides out there who are just digging into the process...this is a great way to learn from other people's mistakes. If you only want 150...only invite 150. :)
    Smart, OP. Please stay!

    image
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    image
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    kimmieryan0406 said:
    Thanks for all the advice!

    My fiance and I set up a "just in case" fund and are already contributing towards it. And my parents are aware that we may be over the 150 and didn't seem to mind as long as we helped out with extra costs. I'm just glad I asked bc now I know where we stand!

    It just goes to show that you need to expect the unexpected and never assume. Any brides out there who are just digging into the process...this is a great way to learn from other people's mistakes. If you only want 150...only invite 150. :)
    Very smart move.  Best wishes!
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  • FutureMrsWood2014FutureMrsWood2014 member
    First Comment

    .IMO you need to suck it up and prepare for 180 guests. Everyone who gets a STD gets an invite.  No one wants to be B-listed and if you really wanted them to attend, then they would have been on the A-list. I was B-listed for a friend's wedding and when I received an invite a month before the wedding (after I know invites went out 3 months prior), I thought they were just fishing for gifts and hoping to not lose money on the wedding.

    But seriously, if you really wanted the B-list people at your wedding, you would have found a way to invite them.

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