I admit I am writing this right after getting off the phone with mom after she has, to put it nicely, yelled me out about this whole thing, but I need an outsider's take on this whole situation.
Months ago, future MIL asked FI what she could do to help out with wedding stuff. FI told her that it would be nice for her to throw me a bridal shower, and she agreed. She then at a later date asked me if that would be okay if she did it and I said yes. She then said she was thinking about having it at her church, to which I said I wasn't sure if that would work out... and she said okay and dropped the subject. So a couple weeks go by and FI was on the phone with her and the wedding got brought up and she said to FI that she thought that I sounded uncomfortable with the shower being at her church. FI told her that yes, I was uncomfortable with it, because my family is of a totally different religion, and some of them would probably be uncomfortable going. So she said okay and I guess the subject changed- that's what FI said. Future MIL asked me for a guest list through facebook which I wrote up with my mom and sent to her (when I sent her the guest list I asked her if she had any plans yet for the shower, like where it was going to be and when, and she didn't reply).
Well, fast forward to now. Future MIL sent out invites for the shower to be held in August, marked as being at her church. I feel very uncomfortable seeing this. Of course, I get my mother calling me up VERY upset- she is almost yelling at me (and sometimes is yelling at me) saying that the only thing she wanted was for me to get married by a priest and I couldn't even give her that, to which I said no mom, we are not getting married by any religion- my wedding will not have anything to do with any religion, to which she says what am I talking about yes it does-the bridal shower is at that church and I said that has nothing to do with the wedding part- and you get the idea. She also throws at me that my aunt, who is also religious like my mother called her up after she got her invite and was very upset and I guess future MIL addressed it to my aunt and her friend who is her guest like "Bessie and Carrie Smith" as if they were a gay couple, which is the phrase she used and my mother said she was very offended. On my guest list I had them separate, and I told my mom this, but it didn't matter (like somehow this is my fault?).
So she said a lot of other things that I am hoping were just 'heat of the moment' things because she was angry and hung up on me. At the moment, I have no idea what to do. On the phone I asked her "What would you have me do?" (to which she had no reply) knowing she was very angry and honestly wondering if she expected me to do something about it. I was uncomfortable from the beginning when religion was first brought up. I feel like this is war- mom and future MIL don't know each other (maybe met once) and now I know this will ruin any possible civil relationship. Future MIL tried pushing us to get married in her church when we first got engaged and we put our foot down with that too, just like I did with my mom with the priest, and now this has happened.
I know it probably looks like my mom is blowing up over nothing to people who don't know her, but I get where she is coming from because now future MIL gets her way with this and my mom doesn't have her religion 'represented' or w/e. I did try to have this whole thing non-religious. Now I feel like people will assume that I am of this religion, when I'm totally agnostic and don't associate with any at all. With invites already sent out and everything, what can I do to make this not a huge problem? How would you handle this?