Venue Required Dress Code

NYCBruin · July 2013

Our wedding isn't for over a year, but the recent threads about "Black Tie Optional" got me thinking. I completely agree that dictating a dress code for guests is rude unless it's truly a black tie event or you want to indicate it's a more casual affair (i.e. "shoes optional"). Other posters have pointed out that it is acceptable to include a dress code if it is required by the venue.

Our venue is a private club that has a dress code. My question is how should we communicate this to guests? I don't really want to include it on the invitations themselves as it just seems like a lot of extra words. Should we include an insert, put it on the website, or does it need to be on the invitation itself?

My other concern is that I can't think of anyone we are inviting that would wear something to a wedding dressed in anything that didn't meet the dress code. I really don't want my guests to think that we don't trust them to dress themselves. At the same time I would be mortified if someone showed up and was turned away for not complying with the dress code (they enforce it pretty strictly). FWIW I really couldn't care less if someone wanted to wear yoga pants to our wedding-if we could pay off the security guards to let the dress code slide we would.

AJuliaNJ · July 2013

It should be in a bottom corner (or other non-conspicuous spot), in a smaller font so as not to interfere with the main part of the invitation.

You also should have a very fancy, formal invitation if you expect fancy, formal dress.

What is their dress code?

NYCBruin · July 2013

Oh right, I forgot to include the actual dress code! Oops!

The venue's dress code is somewhat complicated as there are different dress codes for different areas of the club. For the room where we are having our reception the dress code is:

"Jacket and tie for gentlemen. Comparable attire for ladies."

The venue is also a hotel where some of our guests will probably stay. The entire dress code includes a weekday public area dress code, a weekend public area dress code, and a main dining room dress code with different attire for dinner and other meals. Then theres this addition:

"The following are never appropriate: jeans and other denim wear; sneakers; shorts; t-shirts and athletic wear. Ladies may not wear halter tops, leggings and clothing that reveals bare midriffs.

Athletic attire may only be worn in athletic areas of the building."

As for the event itself, it would qualify for Black Tie. We are having a full top-shelf open bar, hot passed appetizers, 4 (maybe 5) course dinner, gloved service, a band, etc. We just don't want to actually make it Black Tie and require people to go buy new clothes just for our wedding, especially since many of our guests will have to travel for the wedding.

CrazyCatLady3 · July 2013

I would include an insert, or put it on the separate reception card (if you have one) stating:

"Please note that the [X Private Club] requires a Jacket and tie for gentlemen and comparable attire for ladies."

NYCBruin · July 2013

CrazyCatLady3 said:

I would include an insert, or put it on the separate reception card (if you have one) stating:

"Please note that the [X Private Club] requires a Jacket and tie for gentlemen and comparable attire for ladies."

I hadn't thought of doing reception cards, but that's a good idea. Thanks!

Now that I think about it, since the insert will probably include hotel information (and the full dress code), it's probably best to put it on a reception card. That way local people who don't read the insert won't miss the information.

ETA typo

BulgariHeart · July 2013

I second putting the info on the reception card. We had pocket fold invitations and put a bunch of info on the reception/destination card, including a map on the back of it. The biggest clue for appropriate attire were the invitations themselves but in your case you might want to be more specific in order to avoid confusion. Are you doing a wedding website? You could also put the info there...

NYCBruin · July 2013

BulgariHeart said:

I second putting the info on the reception card. We had pocket fold invitations and put a bunch of info on the reception/destination card, including a map on the back of it. The biggest clue for appropriate attire were the invitations themselves but in your case you might want to be more specific in order to avoid confusion. Are you doing a wedding website? You could also put the info there...

We'll probably do a wedding website and will also put information there. I just want to avoid the situation where a guest didn't stumble upon the website and shows up sans jacket.

Like I said, we have a way to go, but I really appreciate everyone's advice. Definitely given me a lot of good things to think about when I look at invitations.

AJuliaNJ · July 2013

Do they have loaner jackets like they do at restaurants or would they just turn guests away? OR would they just deal with it because they're your guest?

southernbelle0915 · July 2013

On your wedding website, I'd put an asterisk by the name of your venue and put exactly what they say, "X Venue has the following policy: 'Jacket and tie for gentlemen. Comparable attire for ladies.'" Or if you think an asterisk looks informal (it does), just indicate it at the bottom of the page.

I would use the same method on a reception insert in your invitations. It's perfectly acceptable to include it if the venue requires it. Even though you're not worried about any of your guests knowing the drill, you'll avoid confusion if someone may have forgotten a jacket otherwise.

KatWAG · July 2013

I would not put this on the actual invite. Make sure your invite in formal, heavy card stock, calligraphy and letter press for example.

If you truly arent concerned that guests will show up dress inapproiately, I would put it on your website and use word of month.

If you feel the need to include it in the invite, I would list it on the reception card or a seperate insert.

NYCBruin · July 2013

Thanks for all the feedback everyone!

@AJuliaNJ yes, they do! I didn't even think about that guests could just borrow a jacket from the club if they forgot to bring one. That actually makes me a lot less worried.

I think we'll include it on the website, on the insert for hotel information, and on the reception card if we end up having a separate one.

AJuliaNJ · July 2013

@nycbruin, then I amend my advice. I originally said to put it on the invitation (which would still be okay in a required dress code situation) because I thought it was absolutely required. I didn't think you should put it on another card or the website because it might not be noticed.

Since there is a good back-up plan, you can put it on the reception card and website.

If it makes you feel any better, we mentioned nothing about the dress code and every single person wore a jacket to the wedding. Old, young, wealthy, just getting started out--everyone automatically knew to wear a jacket. Even my one uncle who lives a very austere life (usually dresses like a homeless man and regularly digs through the trash) came in a suit. I'm sure very few people would have to borrow the club's jackets, but it's nice to have that option and know no one will be turned away.

NYCBruin · July 2013

AJuliaNJ said:

@nycbruin, then I amend my advice. I originally said to put it on the invitation (which would still be okay in a required dress code situation) because I thought it was absolutely required. I didn't think you should put it on another card or the website because it might not be noticed.

Since there is a good back-up plan, you can put it on the reception card and website.

If it makes you feel any better, we mentioned nothing about the dress code and every single person wore a jacket to the wedding. Old, young, wealthy, just getting started out--everyone automatically knew to wear a jacket. Even my one uncle who lives a very austere life (usually dresses like a homeless man and regularly digs through the trash) came in a suit. I'm sure very few people would have to borrow the club's jackets, but it's nice to have that option and know no one will be turned away.

Thanks for the reassurance!

Like I said originally, it's not something I'm too concerned about. If we were getting married in a barn, I feel like our entire guest list would still show up in a suit because they always wear suits to weddings.

I'm just a "prepare for the worst" type person, so of course all of these crazy situations were running through my head. I would hate if the one time that someone forgot their suit jacket in their office or something happened to be the day of our wedding and they were turned away. Knowing that there will be a back up system just in case definitely makes me feel much better.

BMoreBride6 · July 2013

I think I know where you are hosting your wedding, and I think it is going to be pretty freaking awesome if I do! Jealous!

NYCBruin · July 2013

Haha. We certainly think it will be awesome! We got engaged there, so it's a pretty near and dear to us. If you PM me I can confirm/deny the location

JoAnne1027 · August 2013

Well.... I have an elderly uncle that unless we tell him differently is sure to show up in a plaid sports jacket with white pants and shoes.

Actually he looks kinda cute.

thisismynickname2 · August 2013

I think it may depend on your crowd too. I've attended two receptions at country clubs when at least one or two guests showed up in nice jeans and a collared shirt. But, at most weddings, people know to dress up.

Definitely not only include the basic dress code on the website, but include the link to the venue and say "The venue site has a lot of very useful information!"

suzyk723 · August 2013

I think that the only way to really get the dress code across would be to include on the invitation. It depends on how you word it. thisismyname has a great idea to include a link to the venue so people can get an idea of what to wear and the location.

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