The answer had to be posted with this one
Dear Prudence,
I’ve been dating a decent guy for two years now, but I’ve always been a
little sensitive to the fact that there are really no “firsts” or
“onlys” left for people our age. We’re experienced people—I’m 44 and
he’s 46—so I can’t be his first or only sexual partner, wife, mother of
his child, etc. If or when the relationship ends there will be nothing
memorable for us to take away from it, except for one thing. Since we
met we have talked at length about traveling to a special place that,
due to work, distance, and finances, has always been only a dream.
However, I’ve been secretly squirreling money away to someday get us
there. I’ve been desperately holding on to this as our chance at having
not just a “first” but also an “only” experience. My boyfriend is
currently on a trip with a buddy of his and at the last minute they
decided to go to the special place! I’m seething over his Facebook posts
and photos. I just want to put his stuff outside for him to collect
when he gets back. I know it’s not his fault, but I have nothing left to
give. Am I wrong for feeling so indifferent toward this relationship
now? All we have left is companionship, but I want more.
Dear Nothing,
I can understand how crushing it must be to nurture a secret plan to
someday get you and your beloved (or maybe let’s call him Mr. Adequate)
to the Annual Gathering of the Juggalos only for him to go and do it without you. So you’re left behind, looking at him on Facebook in full clown-face, spraying his buddy with Faygo.
No wonder you want to put his personal effects onto the street. OK,
maybe he’s not at a celebration of Psychopathic Records, but your
complaints make you sound a little psychopathic. Sure, it would have
been considerate of your boyfriend to give you a heads-up about the
possibility of a detour to this magical place. But your keeping secret
the plan to spring a special trip on him means you’re not entitled to be
bitter about his taking advantage of the opportunity to go. You also
seem inordinately focused on a bizarre scrapbook version of what makes a
relationship. A romantic partner does not exist to provide you with a
documentable series of firsts and onlys. That person
should be the one with whom you most enjoy sharing the present. So if
you want this relationship to continue, snap out of it, and when he
returns tell him you want him to go back there someday with you, or that
you two should plan a trip somewhere new and memorable.