what would you do?

crazychic175 · August 2013

so i have asked my cousin to by my MOH- i was hers a couple years ago- and when i asked her, her response was..."well i just have to clarify a few things regarding before i make a committment" i was in shock. We are having our ceremony and reception out of town so our guests will have to get a hotel room and such, and mind you she does have 7 other weddings that year, but still!!! what would you do, still want her as your moh or tell her to forget it if its gonna be an issue?

Maggie0829 · August 2013

What does she have to clarify? Does she have to make sure that she can actually afford the cost of being a BM and having to book a hotel room and possibly airfare? Because that is perfectly fine for her to think those things through before giving you an answer.

I think it is better that she is thinking things over then jumping in and saying yes and then have to turn around at a later date and tell you that she can't be your MOH anymore.

MayDay513 · August 2013

crazychic175 said:

so i have asked my cousin to by my MOH- i was hers a couple years ago- and when i asked her, her response was..."well i just have to clarify a few things regarding before i make a committment" i was in shock. We are having our ceremony and reception out of town so our guests will have to get a hotel room and such, and mind you she does have 7 other weddings that year, but still!!! what would you do, still want her as your moh or tell her to forget it if its gonna be an issue?

I think it's appropriate for her to talk through everything with you. I'm sure she is thrilled, but I think it's a good thing that she is thinking this through.

I was asked to be a MOH 5 months before my wedding, for a wedding that was going to happen 70 days before mine. I needed to talk her to her about her expectations of me and what she wanted, then to balance our own budget and to reevaluate if I had the extra time, money, energy and effort.

itzMS · August 2013

Her response sounds reasonable to me.

Weddings are expensive. Not everyone is the jump-for-joy type.

When is your wedding?

misssunshine17 · August 2013

She is being reasonable. She might not have the time, money or energy to be in a WP. Don't disregard her because of this, she didn't tell you she actually hated you, she simply said she needs to make sure that she can commit. She's done nothing wrong.

astimmel · August 2013

Ditto PPs, but also want to add that if she does have SEVEN other weddings that year, I think you should take a step back and let that sink in. Even if she's not a BM in all of those weddings, that's still at least $100 per wedding (gift, travel, etc.), and if she's a BM in any of those then the cost will be a million times more. And being your MOH will also mean she has to pay for a hotel and airfare, maybe a rental car. You can't expect her to drop everything to make such a big financial, emotional, and time commitment just for you. You need to calm down.

Viczaesar · August 2013

crazychic175 said:

so i have asked my cousin to by my MOH- i was hers a couple years ago- and when i asked her, her response was..."well i just have to clarify a few things regarding before i make a committment" i was in shock. We are having our ceremony and reception out of town so our guests will have to get a hotel room and such, and mind you she does have 7 other weddings that year, but still!!! what would you do, still want her as your moh or tell her to forget it if its gonna be an issue?

There isn't anything to do. Why are you freaking out about this?

Jen4948 · August 2013

Needing to clarify what you want from her is a perfectly reasonable response, especially if she is in seven other weddings. Depending on what you want from her, she may not be able to deliver, and it's better for her to make that clear now rather than down the road when she might feel like she's drowning in obligations. Try to see things from her perspective instead of getting upset.

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

If she has 7 other weddings she probably has to crunch some numbers on her finances and then let you know. I think it's really nice that she responded that way - better than her saying "sure!!!" And then no being able to afford to come/the dress/etc.

It probably stings a little since you weren't expecting it but try to see it from her POV.

AddieCake · August 2013

Sounds reasonable to me. She just wants to clarify what the expectations are, I'm sure. No big deal.

emmyg65 · August 2013

It sounds perfectly fine to me. In addition to checking her budget and schedule, she might want to talk with you about your expectations for your bridesmaids. I think a lot of the wedding party issues might not happen if everyone just discussed their expectations upfront and communicated clearly.

aurianna · August 2013

I'm guessing that assuming she's free the date of the wedding and you tell her that your expectations are just that she shows up the day of the wedding in an agreed upon dress within her budget, that she'll possibly be very happy to be a BM.

It's totally possible that some of the weddings she's in the brides have crazy expectations like requiring her to throw them showers / bach parties, buy expensive dresses without consulting budget, forcing her to get her hair or makeup professionally done, being turned into slave labor to make gifts or decorations, etc etc. Maybe that's making her gun shy about jumping right into another wedding again because she's had to deal with some bridezillas.

what would you do?

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