Rehearsal Dinner

NeverNormal · August 2013

I am ready to mail invitations to our Groom's Dinner but have a question first. In our wedding party, there are 2 groomsmen who have relatively new girlfriends, do we invite them? They have been dating about 4 weeks.

2ndly, one of the bridesmaids has a preteen daughter she would like to bring with her and her husband to the dinner only, and I am not sure why that would be necessary since she isnt involved with the wedding at all. This seems like just a reason to get a free meal out of the deal.

Opinions?

Jen4948 · August 2013

I'd invite the girlfriends but not the daughter. Probably the bridesmaid doesn't want to find a babysitter for her.

Lored · August 2013

Honestly, if the bridesmaid is one of your best friends (I'm assuming), then I guess I don't see it as such a big deal to bring her daughter. Do you really think your friend is trying to get a free meal?? Are times that hard for her? If so, I don't see the harm in inviting her. As for the groomsmen, I truly believe every adult should be invited with a guest. Period.

Jen4948 · August 2013

Lored said:

Honestly, if the bridesmaid is one of your best friends (I'm assuming), then I guess I don't see it as such a big deal to bring her daughter. Do you really think your friend is trying to get a free meal?? Are times that hard for her? If so, I don't see the harm in inviting her. As for the groomsmen, I truly believe every adult should be invited with a guest. Period.

This can get very expensive and otherwise inconvenient, so no. If they're single, there is no need to invite them with guests. And the hosts of the rehearsal dinner have the right to want it childfree.

NeverNormal · August 2013

The dinner wont even start until almost 8pm and I personally think by the time we're done with everything, it will probably be 10:30ish. A tired, bored child that has been with adults since 5 may be more than I want to deal with.

JoanE2012 · August 2013

NeverNormal said:

I am ready to mail invitations to our Groom's Dinner but have a question first. In our wedding party, there are 2 groomsmen who have relatively new girlfriends, do we invite them? They have been dating about 4 weeks.

2ndly, one of the bridesmaids has a preteen daughter she would like to bring with her and her husband to the dinner only, and I am not sure why that would be necessary since she isnt involved with the wedding at all. This seems like just a reason to get a free meal out of the deal.

Opinions?

If the groomsmen are in relationships, no matter how long, I would invite their girlfriends. As for the child, that's up to you. But do you really think she's trying to get her in for a free meal?

Lored · August 2013

I respectfully disagree. I never said it was inexpensive, but we included plus one's into our guest list from the get-go. To me, it's like common courtesy (as well as etiquette). As an adult, I actually find it rather insulting to be invited to a social event without a date, regardless of wether I am "exclusively dating" someone or not. Honestly, who are you to judge the seriousness of someone else's relationship? Plus, who the hell wants to go by themselves??? Ps - ok, some do like to go to weddings alone to hook up and I've been there, done that. But I still want the respect of being invited with a date. It's not a requirement. I just want the option.

Jen4948 · August 2013

Lored said:

I respectfully disagree. I never said it was inexpensive, but we included plus one's into our guest list from the get-go. To me, it's like common courtesy (as well as etiquette). As an adult, I actually find it rather insulting to be invited to a social event without a date, regardless of wether I am "exclusively dating" someone or not. Honestly, who are you to judge the seriousness of someone else's relationship? Plus, who the hell wants to go by themselves??? Ps - ok, some do like to go to weddings alone to hook up and I've been there, done that. But I still want the respect of being invited with a date. It's not a requirement. I just want the option.

To you, it may be common courtesy, but it is not etiquette. Etiquette does not require that everyone be given a date-only people who are already in relationships.

NeverNormal · August 2013

Ladies, please dont fight.

I just wanted opinions. They are neither right or wrong, they are your opinion. Good lord this site is full of people who are passionate about what they think is the only way to go.

misssunshine17 · August 2013

If they consider themselves a couple, then you need to invite them because they are a social unit. Since it's new, I'd have your FI ask them.

As for the daughter, you don't need to invite her.

RandS52613 · August 2013

I don't see a problem with letting the daughter come. We had a few people not involved with the wedding at our rehearsal dinner. If your bridesmaid is a close friend, what's the big deal?

Regarding dates... Sigh, that's always a touchy subject. Some people understand, some people throw a fit and literally cry about it. My husband had a friend who is almost always single, so we didn't put a date for her on the invite (hey, it's expensive!), and she threw a fit. She wanted to bring the guy she was sleeping with, so we let her, and he didn't even come.

So, don't worry too much about wedding etiquette. Chances are your guests won't know them anyway.

crunchymamaof2 · August 2013

NeverNormal said:

Ladies, please dont fight.

I just wanted opinions. They are neither right or wrong, they are your opinion. Good lord this site is full of people who are passionate about what they think is the only way to go.

Its an etiquette board. Etiquette isn't an opinion. That doesn't mean you have to follow it, but regardless it's the proper way to do things. People are passionate on here because many know proper etiquette and probably get tired of those that don't spewing incorrect information.

Anyone in a relationship needs to (should) be invited together. Those girlfriends should also be invited to the wedding.

As for the daughter, how old is she? The only time I'd be okay with kids attending the rehearsal dinner when they're not invited is if they're nursing or still fresh out of the womb. There's no real need for an older child to be there if they aren't part of the wedding. If you don't mind her there that's fine. But if you don't want her there she doesn't need to be invited.

AddieCake · August 2013

I would let the daughter come. We invited the children of one of my bridesmaids. And yes, certainly the groomsman's girlfriend should be invited.

@RandS52613 Don't worry about wedding etiquette b/c guests won't know the difference?! This is absurd advice.

allispain · August 2013

Yes, the groomsmen's girlfriends should be invited. Regardless of the fact that they've been dating for a short period of time - they are in a relationship and SOs should always be invited.

As for the daughter, I don't really see what the big deal is. She wants to bring her for the dinner only - not for the entire rehearsal - probably because both she and her husband will be at the dinner. We had this happen to us - one of the groomsmen and his wife showed up with their 5 year old for the RD (only groomsman had been at the rehearsal itself). We had an adults-only wedding too. Didn't matter. They brought coloring books and other things to keep their son occupied, and he was absolutely precious the entire night (he's usually the run-around-like-crazy type, but they kept him calm since it was a nice event).

NYCBruin · August 2013

Yes to the girlfriends. If you want a child free night I don't think it's unreasonable to not include the daughter, but it would be nice to extend an invitation.

To the poster that said "some people understand" about not including dates, if you knew me you'd think I was one of those. FI was invited to a wedding early on in our relationship without me. We never said a word about it to the couple, but we judged the hell out of it and have since chosen to spend less time with them. Just because the bride doesn't hear complaints doesn't mean there aren't any.

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