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Jewish Weddings

Bedeken question

My fiance and I are having a Conservative ceremony and are debating whether or not to have a bedeken. Is there a way to do a modified bedeken as opposed to the traditional Orthodox one?

Re: Bedeken question

  • ShoshieShoshie member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I had a bedecken -- our ceremony was more Reform/Reconstructionist -- with hints of traditional.

    After we signed the Ketubbah, my DH lowered my veil. It was very simple.

    Are you thinking of the kabbalat panim ?
    image
    Adam & Shoshie 10-21-07: "My family is big and loud and everybody's in each other's lives and business. ... but wherever I go, they will always be there." * My Blog: Tales of a Hopeful Jewish Mom to Be * BabyFruit Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    We had a conservative ceremony (or just traditional?) and did the same bedeken as shoshie.

    After we signed the ketubah, my H read a few prayers and just lowered the veil. It was infront of our immediate family and one of my favorite parts of the day.
    image
  • edited December 2011
    a friend of mine had the bedeken while walking towards chuppah. her chossen met her halfway and did it then walked back to stand under chuppah. I am also debating how i want to do it, but i feel like that part of ceremony is more spiritual than any other.

    Mazel tov!
  • edited December 2011
    Are you thinking of a Kabbalat Panim? The bedeken is the lowering of the veil, really not sure how one can modify that, or whether that is debatable/up for discussion with. a conservative ceremony
  • edited December 2011
    Dancingqueen - I really like that idea. I talked to my fiance and he really liked it also. I think that that is a nice compromise and that way he can see me for the first time as I walk down the aisle. Thanks for the idea!!!!
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_bedeken-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:399Discussion:4ab8f961-41e3-491c-a510-a0454ee596b2Post:d13e9db5-48ed-4a54-acfa-4b5f4de7a9b3">Re: Bedeken question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Dancingqueen - I really like that idea. I talked to my fiance and he really liked it also. I think that that is a nice compromise and that way he can see me for the first time as I walk down the aisle. Thanks for the idea!!!!
    Posted by brewerstacie[/QUOTE]

    That's an interesting idea but how would you sign the ketubah, under the chuppah? I only ask because for our Conservative wedding the rabbi said the ketubah must be signed before we entered the chuppah... not sure if that is just him or not though.
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  • edited December 2011
    I'm not going to sign the ketubah until after our ceremony, probably in the yichid room...My fiance is going to sign it in a small ceremony without me before the ceremony, which is what our rabbi said to do.
  • edited December 2011
    we each had a tisch then a bedekken in front of all our guests before proceeding to the chuppah.  DH was escorted to my room where the rabbi said a few prayers and spoke about the meaning of the veil and about the wedding ceremony in general.  then we signed the ketuba and civil doc. after that i placed a kippah on DH's head before he lowered my veil.  for me, this was one of the most beautiful and spiritual parts of the day.  
  • reebsreebsreebsreebs member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_bedeken-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:399Discussion:4ab8f961-41e3-491c-a510-a0454ee596b2Post:ef5f5140-d0ba-4971-b270-173e301f0a05">Re: Bedeken question</a>:
    [QUOTE]we each had a tisch then a bedekken in front of all our guests before proceeding to the chuppah.  DH was escorted to my room where the rabbi said a few prayers and spoke about the meaning of the veil and about the wedding ceremony in general.  then we signed the ketuba and civil doc. after that <strong>i placed a kippah on DH's head</strong> before he lowered my veil.  for me, this was one of the most beautiful and spiritual parts of the day.  
    Posted by vlevitt[/QUOTE]


    Was he already wearing one and you switched, or had he not worn one for the tisch?  I'd love to do this, but my FI will be wearing a kippah during the tish.
  • masteralephmasteraleph member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    " I only ask because for our Conservative wedding the rabbi said the ketubah must be signed before we entered the chuppah... not sure if that is just him or not though. "

    It's mostly him.  Sephardim (of all levels of observance) have their ketubot signed under the chuppah.  Ashkenazim typically sign it before, but it's certainly not unprecedented to sign it during.
  • Hi,  We were married Orthodox-style - and I gotta say - the most spiritual, tearful, loving moment of an Orthodox wedding is when the Groom walks into the room with his father and father-in-law and sees his beautiful bride for the first time. It's such a beautiful moment when he whispers to her and then puts the veil on. Makes me cry every time. 
  • BTW - the significance of the bedeken ceremony from what I learned is that the Groom is basically saying that it doesn't matter what the Bride looks like - he will marry her not for her physical beauty but for her beauty within.
  • I would love to get as many opinions on this please:) I love the thought of having a bedeken, however, my family is not very familiar with them and neither is my fiance's. We have a few religious family members of his coming in for the wedding who are familiar with them. I am torn on whether to have one or not. I didn't want our families standing around looking clueless. I thought maybe we could have a member of our band (who will play during the reception) come in with a horn or sax and play Od Yishama, the traditional song played during a bedeken and hopefully people would get into the tun and clap as we walked in. Ahh, so torn. What to do?? Please!
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