Groomsman messed up

EmilyTork · August 2013

One of our groomsman is a real jerk. He's been cheating (openly) on his wife (a bridesmaid) for awhile. It's not my place what he does in his relationship, but he's still a jerk. He's FI friend but I don't like him haha.

Today he sent a picture to FI today because he apparently got hit during softball. He has a broken nose, broken jaw and head trauma. Surgery needed to repair damage. I played softball for 10 years and the likelihood of that much damage is unlikely (he was playing a beer league and he doesn't drink). I think he was beat up by his wife (very, very likely).

Karmas a bitch

hardlyhannah · August 2013

Yikes. Not even sure what to say to this...

I don't think your intention was to condone spousal abuse, but you kind of did. I disagree with that big time. Yea he was a jerk, he probably deserved some bad stuff but what happened to him sounds pretty serious - and you are throwing out some serious accusations.

EmilyTork · August 2013

It's not my guess he was beaten, his parents own the company FI works for and in their email to the team said it was most likely from her.

I hope it was softball, because then I will have to reconsider the friendship with the wife.

And as much as its horrible to say, the karma is a both way thing. If she did beat him up, he will press charges. If he got hit by the softball, then the karma bit him in the butt. It's just overall a sticky situation.

Sorry if it came off as condoning, it's more so like oh crap, not sure what to think because either way it sucks.

fearlessbrideMI · August 2013

Yikes!

hardlyhannah · August 2013

Yea, I read it as 'woohoo she beat him/got what he deserved!' - thanks for clarifying. Because otherwise that's scary!

EmilyTork · August 2013

Sorry for the miscommunication lol.

But seriously, what do I do about my relationship with her- if she actually did do this? And FI asks me what he should do about his friendship with him (either way he's a jerk for cheating no matter what the cause of injury)?

What's worse... Their son is our godson

poor lol guy

rkbo · August 2013

One of my best friends was playing at 2nd base one night during softball game and a ball had a bad bounce in front of her and where she normally would have caught it, it bounced funny and popped her in the face. That resulted in 2 really bad black eyes, and her nose broken in several places. We rushed her to the hospital and I think they also said she had a concussion.

Another time I was playing and a guy on the opposing team was attempting to catch a pop up, he lost the ball in the overhead lighting and the ball came down and hit him in the face, he lost a few teeth, split open his upper lip and severed most of his bottom lip and passed the F out on the grass....

Shit gets crazy out there!

EmilyTork · August 2013

I agree, I've had many a black eyes. I actually have a scar under my eye from the laces.

I don't have an opinion as to what happened, I haven't seen him. This is based off what my FI heard from the guys parents.

Either way, it's crappy because the son is caught in the middle. And still not sure what this (overall cheating and possible abuse) means for the friendships.

rkbo · August 2013

To me these are two very different scenarios.

My personal opinion is this....if this person is one of my bridesmaids, then she is one of my absolute best friends. If I knew that her spouse was cheating on her, I would tell her in a heartbeat. (even though its "none of my business") I would expect the same if my spouse was cheating on me.

If I found out that one of my best friends was being abusive to any human or animal, I would definitely distance myself from them and truly re-evaluate my friendship. Abuse in any form is just not ok.

EmilyTork · August 2013

She knows he is cheating on her. Everyone knows. He has a problem (honestly think he does). But she won't leave him. She has no job and he is very well off financially. She just thinks it will get better.

So he is emotionally abusive (in a way) and she could potentially be physically abusive. Both suck but I don't even know what to say. At this point, their story is softball but even his parents call a BS.

rkbo · August 2013

Why the F are they both in your wedding? lol

schellzinator · August 2013

@rhawndas - I was so wondering the same thing in both your messages. First - if she was a bridesmaid - I would bring it up because she is most likely a close friend. I was in that situation once and I don't regret telling my friend - sure she was mad at me for a year - but then realized I told the truth. Luckily there was no marriage or baby in the picture.

@emilytork - that's rough - that stinks that there is drama in your wedding part potentially. Hope it works out and I hope the son doesn't get pulled into the drama.

EmilyTork · August 2013

We were very close with them even 4 months ago. They had problems and whatnot for awhile but they were making really good progress on their marriage.

Not sure what happened first (chicken or egg?) but he looked outside the marriage for companionship/sex and she started being a bit erratic.

The whole family has been affected by them, and so has the company (family owners built and owned company that FI works for). It's a gigantic mess

Clpapke83 · August 2013

Oh goodness. I'm not gonna comment on his/her personal choices. The only thing that went thru my mind is since he is a groomsman and now he will have to have surgery to fix his face. Is he still going to be part of the wedding? I know if my face was screwed up I'd be too embarrassed to be up there.

schellzinator · August 2013

@emilytork - that's really unfortunate

I'm sorry you guys have to deal with that.

Stina51286 · August 2013

Honestly, I'd stay out of it. If in fact she did beat him, if he presses charges, she has removed herself from the wedding since most likely there will be a restraining order put in place (or at least you'd think). I don't agree with any of that behavior, but I also would not let my self get involved. With being this close to the wedding, that is one less thing you need to think about.

With regards to softball injuries, my friend from high school almost died playing co-ed softball. Their league wasn't required to wear the helmet once they got to first base. She was running from first to second and got hit in the temple with the ball. She was knocked out cold, they had to fly her to the hospital, perform brain surgery and put her into a coma. Once she woke from the coma she had a severe stroke. She has maybe 50% use of the left side of her body now. This was all a month after we graduated. She was supposed to got to UW Madison on a softball scholarship.

I almost lost my splein to a softball injury back in the fourth grade. Those things are dangerous!

EmilyTork · August 2013

FI have agreed to stay out of it for awhile. She frequently asks me for info/opinions and every time I bean dip her. I normally would tell her the need to know stuff, but she already KNOWS! She's looking for confirmation just so she can be angry about it.

It's such a crappy situation. It's like everyone is ignoring/looking the other way and hoping for he best. Like its all going to just go away. Well it's just escalating. FI is still there as a friend to gm and I'm still there as a friend to bm. We aren't sure of the full situation so I'd hate to alienate either one because we don't know "who's at fault"- just to be clear BOTH are acting inappropriately but as you all said we don't love their lives.

I hope the can act civil as time goes on. Their sons birthday party is this weekend so I guess we'll see

Groomsman messed up

Re: Groomsman messed up

Choose Another Board

Search Boards