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Wedding Recap and Withdrawal

Anyone else disappointed? I feel like I'm the only one!

Hi guys! I was just wondering if after your wedding you felt disappointed at all? All the pictures people (including my photographer) took I look 20 lbs heavier in. Two out of 3 of my bridesmaids got so drunk they were out by 9. Including my sister! They made some off color comments at the reception about how my fiancé isn't good looking! In front of his whole family! Then passed out in front of everyone. They were both competing to see who could be the centre of attention. The night ended early around 1:30 everyone went home. It was an amazing day and I married the love of my life but when I think about it, it still hurts. If anyone else felt like this I would love to hear it. Thanks ladies!

Re: Anyone else disappointed? I feel like I'm the only one!

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I think we as women tend to be too hard on ourselves and a bit critical about how we look especially in such important pictures as our wedding pictures.  I think you should take a step back and when you look at your pictures again don't look at yourself with a magnifying glass but look at the smile on your face and the glow in your eyes of pure happiness.  I 100% guarantee you that your pictures are beautiful and you are just being a bit critical.

    As for your BMs, getting drunk happens.  They made some off handed comments that they probably shouldn't have but there is nothing you can do about that now.  Did you have fun at your wedding?  Did your H have fun?  Because that is all that matters.  And I don't really think the night ending at 1:30am is really early.  If it makes you feel any better my H got plastered at out wedding that he doesn't remember the last hour of the reception and then proceeded to pass out and throw up in our hotel room.  I thought it was the funniest thing in the world and while my Dad and BIL helped him into bed I kissed him on the forehead and went out with all of our friends to a local bar. You shouldn't let other peoples actions ruin a great day.

    Finally, I can bet that you are also disappointed because the whole thing is over with.  I know after I got back from the HM I went through a bit of a downer period because all the excitement was done.  It is a bit of a let down but you do get over it, there are always other things to look forward to.

  • Missine, your wedding experience was really disappointing. If I were in your situation I won't feel good too, but you have to cheer up and simply smile every time you remember the untoward incidents that happened during your wedding night. Just be happy because you ended with the man you truly love, it's enough to feel really great.
  • There were a few things I was a little bummed about I did not realize until later on after the wedding. There were quite a few pictures I would have liked to have taken and our brass band was required to keep within a certain volume while on the venue property. The one bigger thing was that our wedding had a very, very laid back vibe. Which is what we were going for, and at first I kind of wished people would have "partied" more, but looking back I realized that we had all partied all weekend and had an amazing time outside of the wedding. Our friends all got to know each other at our pub crawl two days prior and the rehearsal the day before. It was a weekend event and everyone had a blast, I can't fault them for that.

    Also, MIL tried to throw herself a pity party all night long. People did a good job of not letting me know til after the fact, and honestly, I'm unaffected. That's her problem, not mine.

    Try not to let other people's actions get to you, it's just not worth the energy.
  • I'm sorry that other's actions were so hurtful to you.  I don't blame you- I'd feel the same way about that.

    Try not to be so hard on yourself about how you look in the pictures.  I love our wedding pictures, but I notice my scoliosis in all the pictures from behind or the side, I notice a wrinkle in my dress, and a pimple on my cheek.  It's ridiculous how critical we are of ourselves.  I thought my mother looked gorgeous in the wedding photos, but she was truly upset about how "old" she thought she looked.  She said she thought she could see stress in her face and body.  I don't see that at all- I thought she looked fabulous.

    1:30 am is early????  I have never, ever stayed at a wedding past 11:30.  I'm tired by then regardless of how awesome the wedding was- I'm an old fart.

    There were some issues with our DJ that when I think about it, I feel a lot of regret that I didn't do more research to find someone better.  But at the end of the day, everyone danced a lot and H and I are the only ones who noticed that some things didn't go as planned.  I try not to think about it.

    My SIL scowled the whole time.  I didn't notice on the day, but I noticed in all the pictures how truly miserable she looked.  It annoyed me looking at the pictures that she couldn't conjure an honest smile for one day- I did at her wedding regardless of our family drama.

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  • There are drunk idiots at EVERY wedding, and there are always a few photos that will be your least favorite.  And trust me - 1:30 is NOT early! 

    Yes, I felt disappointed after our wedding.  But that was because I ended up with a crappy coordinator who stole our money, didn't give us what we paid for, we ended up with dead flowers, had to walk to our reception in the rain because the idiot carriage driver dropped us off at the wrong place, my dad refused to attend my wedding and lied about the reason why, I chipped a bone in one of my knees when I tripped on the hem of my dress and spend my honeymoon plus 3 months afterward barely being able to walk, Aunt Flo was in town for the wedding, the airbrush makeup artist I paid for decided to use regular makeup instead of airbrush - and she was an hour late, and I left more than half of my decorations at home (it was a destination wedding.)  So yeah - we all have things about our weddings that depress us or make us upset. The key is to focus on the good and not the bad.  Don't start your marriage off being a Bitter Betty.  You married the love of your life and that's all that should matter.  The rest is just fluff.  If I can be happy after all the crap I went through (and the fact that I now have to pay a lawyer to sue my wedding coordinator) then I'm pretty sure you can be happy about 2 bad pics and 2 drunk bridesmaids.  Chin up - it could have been much worse.
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  • I felt a little disappointed.  Everything went off without a hitch and I had fun, but I didn't have time to enjoy it, if that makes sense?  photos ran late because we were taking some that should have been taken before the ceremony because the hair dresser was late and I was babysitting that morning, and after the ceremony people wanted to visit, not leave to go to the reception, which their cars where in the way of where we wanted to take pictures.  So then the guest got antsy waiting for their food, because they did all their mingling in the church parking lot.  So, I didn't convey the church in the background concept very clear to my photographer, because my patience was gone.  I hope they turn out well.  Anyway all the events at the reception were then rushed to get them done, and I didn't have time to mingle, have a drink, or party.  But overall, I'd still rate the experience as outstanding!!!!
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  • yes!!!! i had a wonderful wedding and i STILL feel depressed. There were two minor things that happened (DJ lost our playlist for reception music and the caterer forgot to serve our port/dessert wine with the cake) but we cant dwell on this. My wedding was more amazing and beautiful than i ever dreamed it would be. i was  blown away. Yet when i recall those two very minor things that happened, and why they happened, etc... it takes away from the magic of everything else. so i have to let them just go bye-bye.

    However, i have to say, the five months that we were engaged was so thrilling, action-packed, narcissistic and FUN, it is difficult to come off of that trip without feeling a little bit depressed. So i think this is probably something every bride deals with after the wedding.  Soak up the memories and start trying to plan your next vacation, whether it is a few months away, or a few years (if you're feeling a wee bit broke from the bills)! 
  • Maggie0829, you are awesome. That story could have been about how you cried and through a fit because your husband got so drunk, but instead you laughed and had a good night. That's so awesome! I am going to remember that attitude when things go wrong at my wedding.

    Also have to say as it was said by others, 1:30 is not early at all. We are planning for ours to officially end around 11 so we can be out of their by 12.
  • I think later the pictures are going to look better! I am always the most critical of pictures of me the second they are taken and then after looking at them for awhile I'm like you know, these aren't so bad. I'm sure you're going to be able to see how beautiful you are in them soon! Also not everyone one of them has to be perfect especially the guests pictures! Throw those ones out! :)

    As for the drunken craziness, are these bridesmaids married? Are they jealous that you have a lovely husband after a lovely wedding? Most catty girl things are over jealousy! I hope all ladies think my FI is hideous, that's way better than them trying to get with him in a bathroom stall!!! (But they were probably just having jealousy issues!)

  • We haven't gotten pictures back yet but in the guests' shots I've been critical of my size so I feel you on that. But then I look at how happy I look and how happy everyone else looks. That's what matters. I can always lose weight and take fancy pictures but you can't re-do a wedding and the emotions with it.

    Other than that our wedding day coordinator was crazy rude and just pissy all night and two of the tables were placed a little off but nothing that ruined our day. My mother sat at her table with a face the entire night but I wasn't expecting much different so that doesn't even bother me now.

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

  • I am in the same boat with, and I feel so guilty about feeling this way! You spend so many months planning and wanting everything to be perfect and then nothing goes as planned (seriously, A LOT of hiccups in our wedding) and the things that did go well, you don't get to enjoy

    I've talked to my MOH and brother about it, and they both told me to focus on all the good things and not the things that went wrong... I'm trying to and it's helping a little bit but hopefully things will be better after everything settles down

  • My in-laws, without my knowing, told everyone the reception would end at 9:30. They rearranged the shuttles and everything. It was such a bummer to realize everyone was leaving. I thought people were just tired but them I figured out they were being herded out by the shuttle drivers.

    Really disappointed. . .
  • After the wedding, my parents decided to tell me all the things they thought were wrong with my wedding day, They did not pay for anything (I would not expect them to) or have any input as I was planning so I was rather surprised and hurt but all of that. The worst part was all the accusations that I was mean to my mother all day(I made every effort to make her feel special and even had a special corsage made in her favorite color).
  • After the wedding, my parents decided to tell me all the things they thought were wrong with my wedding day, They did not pay for anything (I would not expect them to) or have any input as I was planning so I was rather surprised and hurt but all of that. The worst part was all the accusations that I was mean to my mother all day(I made every effort to make her feel special and even had a special corsage made in her favorite color).

    I'm so sorry, that's awful :( I hope you had an amazing time and try not to let what anyone says bother you. I know that's hard especially when it comes from people who are close to you. As long as you and your husband are happy, that's all that really matters!

  • Yep.
    I didn't like how my hair looked.  I liked it at the salon but then when I got home and was looking at it more I didn't like it.  lol  It looked fine though.

    My biggest thing was something that happened at my wedding.  There was a fight at my wedding between my friends boyfriend and her father.  I won't get into all of the details but it definitely changed the whole mood for me after that.  I don't want to say it "ruined" the day because it didn't...but it changed it.  It all happened at the reception between dinner and cake.  

    I also didn't get some of the pictures I wanted.  The day went so fast and the whole fight thing took up a good 20-30 minutes of the reception.  I was also a little disappointed with the service at my venue compared to how they SAID it would be.

    Overall, my wedding was beautiful but a few things happened that put a bit of a damper on things.
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  • melb2013 said:
    My SIL scowled the whole time.  I didn't notice on the day, but I noticed in all the pictures how truly miserable she looked.  It annoyed me looking at the pictures that she couldn't conjure an honest smile for one day- I did at her wedding regardless of our family drama.
    Do we have the same SIL?  My brother's wedding was all drama caused by her, yet I put on a smile, and then my other brother got married and she looked MISERABLE the entire time.  I wanted to tell her to lighten up!  Sometimes SILs are annoying.

    OP, it's all in the attitude.  You probably had a beautiful day, but you are focusing on a few things (and I'm going to go out on a limb since I haven't seen your photos and say that you looked gorgeous, and it's all in your head that you didn't) that are putting a damper on it. 
  • The only things I'm really disappointed about from my wedding is that we were running late and didn't get a lot of pictures that I would've liked and that everyone on my dad's side left directly after dinner. Other things could bother me...like the fact that my flower girl had a tantrum as she walked down the aisle or that while one of my bridesmaids was walking down the aisle the music i picked abruptly stopped and a random george strait song played and that my dad stood up at the front with me and my Dh for a large portion of the ceremony because the preacher forgot to ask who gives this bride away. But mostly just the first two things bother me haha
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  • Ours was a little just because we had a level 2 snow emergency and over half our guest list didn't show. Then our photo booth was a disaster, we are in talks with them over breech of contract, and I just had a lovely discussion with our reception hall and they're having their GM call me this week because they started dinner almost an hour late, only kept it up for 30 minutes, took it down without asking us, completely ignored me and my husband, kept lights off by the food so no one could see when they put out the late night snack, and didn't put up the reserved seating signs like promised and dismantled and screwed up the centerpieces from our florist and the ones that I made. Luckily the cake, dj, and photographer were amazing, but we were really disappointed that we spend 2 years and thousands of dollars and no one could show due to the weather, and half of those that didn't show feel that they don't need to send a gift or at least a card - even half our bridal party didn't feel the need to at least give a card. At least we'll have amazing pictures, and at the end of the day, we're married!
  • No one is required....but it doesn't mean its not slightly annoying to the pp.
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    No one is required....but it doesn't mean its not slightly annoying to the pp.

    What occurred to me is that it reads like the guests didn't send even a card strictly because they didn't attend; as in, a gift covers the cost of their attendance and without attendance no payment is due. Feels like the significance of getting married has gone completely unacknowledged without even a card containing lovely sentiments.

  • Gotta admit, my big regret about our wedding were two things: the cake and the honeymoon. I'd really wanted a two or three tier cake, dreamed of the designs and everything, but then when the time came, significant members of DH's family were all 'oh, really, cupcakes are a much better idea, you can have a cake and some cupcakes!"...the cake didn't cover hardly any guests, there were cupcakes left over that seemed a bit stale. I'm still trying to figure out if there'll ever be an occasion in which I can ever commission a real tier cake, from a baker of my own choosing.

    The honeymoon: years ago, we used to talk about a lovely honeymoon at Niagara Falls, we even said about which type of room we wanted to book...in the end, we got a hotel room downtown. I called the hotel in the morning, they said nothing to indicate anything was wrong. So when DH and I got there after the wedding, exhausted...they'd run out of rooms. I was honestly in a state of exhausted shock, otherwise I'd have demanded they at least shuttle us to the other hotel they sent us to as I hated seeing DH so tired, and how cranky he was too. So our first night was spent in a hotel by the airport, listening to everyone else jet off on their honeymoons. Now everyone else around us seems to have had amazing honeymoons in caribbean, cancun, italy etc, with plenty of photos to prove it. Me? I don't even have photos of our honeymoon because my camera was in my handbag, which i asked a bridesmaid to look after in case i should need ID at any point (come on, wedding dress doesn't have pockets).
    I'm trying to think my way into this being okay in my head but a year later, I'm still distressed by it, and my husband gets angry at me because I can't make it okay in my head.
  • Sorry about the "hiccups" during your day. Hopefully your photos and/or video will help you to forget. No matter how much time and effort we put into our wedding, we cannot control the actions of our guests.
  • @mattycam -- most of these posts are MONTHS old. Please stop resurrecting zombie threads. The OPs are usually long gone and past the point of needing advice.

    @KnotPorscha, can you please close these threads?

    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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