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need your opinion on this also ...

deemarie072813deemarie072813 member
First Comment 5 Love Its
in Chit Chat
so him and I were talking about the bridal shower and asked him where he would want to be registered at, either Macy's, Bed Bath & Beyond or include honeymoon packages where can put money towards it for us... he states that he doesn't want gifts he just wants the money and that's it. I told him that's not really how you do it, and he was like well the reason why i don't want gifts is because people will buy what they want and not what we want ..... 

i tried to explain to him that we go pick stuff out what we want and they pick the stuff off our registry and i dont think he gets the concept and i dont feel like bringing it up again bc it will cause a problem 

soo what do you ladies think?

thanks again 

Danielle 
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Re: need your opinion on this also ...

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    itzMSitzMS member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    deemarie72813 said:
    so him and I were talking about the bridal shower and asked him where he would want to be registered at, either Macy's, Bed Bath & Beyond or include honeymoon packages where can put money towards it for us... he states that he doesn't want gifts he just wants the money and that's it. I told him that's not really how you do it, and he was like well the reason why i don't want gifts is because people will buy what they want and not what we want ..... 

    i tried to explain to him that we go pick stuff out what we want and they pick the stuff off our registry and i dont think he gets the concept and i dont feel like bringing it up again bc it will cause a problem 

    soo what do you ladies think?

    thanks again 

    Danielle 

    Honeymoon registries are tacky, so please don't do that option.

    You are correct, it is approprate to create registries. If your FI would prefer cash, you can just make a small registry of physical gifts in various price ranges (placesettings, glassware, entertaining and serving pieces).

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    KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    You could make a small registry. If you do that, you're more likely to get cash.

    Definitely don't make a honeymoon registry though. It's an underhanded way to get people to give you money, people don't actually buy you the "experiences" they think they're buying you, and you don't get all the money people give (website takes a cut).
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    Jessica41381Jessica41381 member
    First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    exactly as keptinstitches said. 

    You can also return things if they aren't to your liking. I wasn't a fan of a wedding registery( I don't feel we should be given gifts or money, just attending the wedding is enough for me, Thats just my opinions) but we did one with inexpensive items we could us and it worked out great.
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    NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    A honeymoon registry is a thinly veiled request for cash and requesting cash is always tacky. Anyway, guests know you want money without having to tell them at all. Can he understand a BBB registry is for things you want?
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    Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Remind him that if you don't register anywhere, then people will DEFINITELY have to guess what you would want. Not registering doesn't mean people will automatically give you cash. Some people like to give boxed gifts and a registry could help them.

    Also, if you want a bridal shower and you want to register for it, do it. Showers are for box gifts, not cash. So if that's a compromise he can live with, then all the better.
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    misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    I'm not going to lie, your FI kind of sounds like a tool. If you don't want physical gifts, do not have a shower since that is what it is for. 

    Honeymoon registries are rude because they make you lie to your guests. They think they buy you X gift, but you actually get a check cut to you minus their fees. So you're better off not doing it since they take fees. 
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    laylasauruslaylasaurus member
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    Agree with all above- don't do honeymoon registries, and not registering does not mean you'll get cash. 

    My biggest problem with this though is that you feel like you can't talk to your FI about this again...if he can't handle discussing a registry (which his notions about are completely wrong) how is he going to handle any REAL issues that you disagree on over the course of your marriage.  I'd  be thinking twice about this one. 
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    APDSS22APDSS22 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    Registry shopping is like writing a list of presents for Santa around Christmas.  It's really for your guests, to let them know what you'd like.  You don't have to pay for anything.  If what he doesn't want to do is shop (like mine) you could possibly suggest setting up the registry online or even just you go to the store.  I wouldn't do a honeymoon registry.  If people want to give you money, they'll write you a check and you'll get the full amount (unlike a honeymoon registry, which takes a fee.)

    I think the best thing you could do is present him these options.  If you don't register, people might get you a giant metal chicken named Beyonce because they think you want that (you didn't register to tell them what you would like).  People who want to gift you cash or a check will do so without prompting (which is rude.)  If you set up a small registry with a list of varied amount items, people who would otherwise have no guidelines will have alternatives to pick from that you actually want!
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    MoonlightSilverMoonlightSilver member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    You're more likely to get things you don't want if you don't have a registry. If he thinks most people will buy whatever they want, then having the registry wont hurt.
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    MuppetOverlordMuppetOverlord member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    We don't need anything for our house at all. I was married before, I still have those gifts. We bought a lot of new stuff when we moved into our house last year. We decided against a shower and registering in general. We thought we'd be fine.

    Since our invitations have gone out, where are you registered? is the question of the day. FFIL got annoyed and tried to demand we register somewhere but we really tried to think of something and there's just nothing. We aren't going to make a registry for the sake of registering.

    Honeymoon registries are tacky.

    We have just been telling people that we don't realy need anything that we can register for. We've been saving for our honeymoon and things like flooring, a wood stove and stuff for the room we are building. It's hard to register for hardwood and toilets!  .....and then I change the subject.

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    krizzo17krizzo17 member
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    My husband didn't believe that anyone would actually buy anything off our registry either (he had only been to 1 wedding before ours, and he was 12 or so). I told him I was making one for the sake of my family, who would buy off of it, so he might as well help me pick everything out. Then, he got super excited when people actually did buy those things! It was pretty amusing :)
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    deemarie072813deemarie072813 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its
    i dont appreciate people calling my fiance a tool - keep your "rude" comments to yourself i asked your opnions about my problem not about my fiance ..... 

    but to everyone else that responded to my prb that i having that you very much for your input i appreciate it greatly- i think i have a way that i can sit down and talk to him to have him come to agreement with me as well for this situation. 

    thanks again ladies

    D 


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