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October 2013 Weddings
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Children in attendance or not?

luthiengreenluthiengreen
in October 2013 Weddings
When my fiance and I first started to plan the wedding together we decided on a guest list of 150. We both have plenty of friends and I come from a large family, so our first decision was not have children under 18 attend. However we are having a flower girl and ring bearer. A good friend of ours little girl is going to be our flower girl and she has a teenage brother. My fiance told the family that we were sorry to have to do this but the teenager could not attend. We felt so badly about this but if he attends then a major war would be started with our families. Everyone is aware of the flower girl and ring bearer attending the wedding. We tried to explain to the family friend that a lot of our family wasn't invited due to no children. I wish I could invite everyone but we simply don't have the budget for it. The family friend is saying that they are refusing to go due to us not inviting the teenager. So we have no flower girl :(  My fiance is crushed with their decision not to attend and feels that some of our other friends might not attend because of this. Was it wrong of us to tell them that? I want to make everyone happy but it's impossible. My fiance and I just wanted our loved ones to see us get married but why all the drama? Should we just nix the whole ring bearer and flower girl idea?

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Re: Children in attendance or not?

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    Stina51286Stina51286 member
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    luthiengreen said:
    When my fiance and I first started to plan the wedding together we decided on a guest list of 150. We both have plenty of friends and I come from a large family, so our first decision was not have children under 18 attend. However we are having a flower girl and ring bearer. A good friend of ours little girl is going to be our flower girl and she has a teenage brother. My fiance told the family that we were sorry to have to do this but the teenager could not attend. We felt so badly about this but if he attends then a major war would be started with our families. Everyone is aware of the flower girl and ring bearer attending the wedding. We tried to explain to the family friend that a lot of our family wasn't invited due to no children. I wish I could invite everyone but we simply don't have the budget for it. The family friend is saying that they are refusing to go due to us not inviting the teenager. So we have no flower girl :(  My fiance is crushed with their decision not to attend and feels that some of our other friends might not attend because of this. Was it wrong of us to tell them that? I want to make everyone happy but it's impossible. My fiance and I just wanted our loved ones to see us get married but why all the drama? Should we just nix the whole ring bearer and flower girl idea?


    That was 100% wrong of you. So the teenagers whole family except him get to be there? How is that right? The only kids at our wedding are our siblings children, so niece and nephews. My niece is the FG and my nephew is the RB. No other kids are invited. However, If I would have had my friend's niece as a FG and she had a sibling, that sibling would get invited since BOTH of their parents are invited too. I do not blame them one bit for declining to come and removing the FG.

    If you already asked a RB then no, you cannot take that back. You have him still be the RB. This close though, DO NOT add another FG. If you do, I hope those people stop talking to you altogether. Its basically telling them you don't care they aren't there and that people are replaceable.

     

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    schellzinatorschellzinator member
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    edited August 2013
    I'm sorry you are going through this. I would make an exception for the teenage son - personally. They are a family and it would be easiest to invite the whole family since the flower girl will be coming too. Just inviting the flower girl and not the brother kind of makes her seem like a prop - so I see where FG parents are coming from. I don't know your family - but I would hope they would understand that you are inviting the brother based on the fact he is in the family of the flower girl.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    If your first decision regarding your wedding was to not allow any kids under 18 attend, why are you having a FG & RB at all?

    Yes, it was rude of you to exclude their teenage son. If I were in their position, I wouldn't attend either.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    alisonmarie658 said:
    schellzinator said:
    I'm sorry you are going through this. I would make an exception for the teenage son - personally. They are a family and it would be easiest to invite the whole family since the flower girl will be coming too. Just inviting the flower girl and not the brother kind of makes her seem like a prop - so I see where FG parents are coming from. I don't know your family - but I would hope they would understand that you are inviting the brother based on the fact he is in the family of the flower girl.
    100% agree with the bolded. 
    How did I not see the bolded?? Yes, exactly. All of it.
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    09McSteph0309McSteph03 member
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    Sorry...I don't think you will find anyone here that agrees with what you have done.  There were ways to remedy this from the get go but how you chose to handle it is beyond me.  So I am not surprised they refuse to go and I wouldn't be surprised if others refuse to go because of it too. 
    If you felt that awful excluding the teenage son from the festivities, you shouldn't have done it. 

    I am really confused why you thought splitting this family up was a good idea or even an acceptable option.  




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    Clpapke83Clpapke83 member
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    It's crappy that you lost the flower girl, but I understand her parents point of view. Even if you did a kid free wedding the teenage boy should have been invited due to his little sister being in the wedding. I do understand having to crunch numbers and people to fit into your allotted amount and it's tough. Also just nix the flower girl part (do not replace her) and keep the ring bearer. It will still turn out very nice.
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    AmeshaTAmeshaT member
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    My FI and I decided from the beginning that we would have a kid free wedding. Because of that, we decided against even having a ring bearer and a flower girl altogether. If you want to stay true to your no kid rule then you should not have had children participating from the start. 
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    shannie11shannie11 member
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    I think you should have just invited the teenager. He is grown up enough not to cause a scene. The only children we invited were my nieces who are in the wedding.  We did invite anyone that was over 16. However, fiance has already  been asked by people if they can bring their children even though the invite only said the names of the parents on their not the Smith family. 
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