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MIL?

therockisblinding05therockisblinding05
Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
in Florida-Central Florida
Who did you invite for your bridesmaid's luncheon? Was it just you and the girls? Did moms come?

My mom and I want to both host the lunch for my girls and pay for them to get pampered w/ pedicures too. Apparently, FMIL told FI that she was hurt that she wasn't invited. Aren't these things typically just as a thank you to the BMs? My mom is only invited because, like I said, she is co-hosting. 

Problem is, my mom can't stand FMIL and already thinks she has been WAAAAYY too involved as a MOG. My mom is resentful that FMIL has been more involved than she has in wedding, seeing as I'm the only girl and FMIL already had a daughter get married. I know inviting FMIL to this will piss mom off further and honestly, FMIL needs to back off a bit. She really invites herself EVERYWHERE- wedding related or not.  I don't want to hurt feelings or make people mad the day before the wedding....  Suggestions?
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Re: MIL?

  • Pretty ParulaPretty Parula
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My understanding is that it's just for the BMs... so I wouldn't have invited my MIL either... *shrug* It doesn't sound like explaining that it's just a 'thank you' thing for the BMs is going to really go over well with her, but I'm not really sure what else you'd say to her. I hope she'll be ok with it.
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  • mlharbismlharbis
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    No idea. After the first two paragraphs I would say just invite FMIL and have it be over. But after the last paragraph, I compleely understand your mom's feelings about wanting it to be her thing. Maybe just forget about it and let it blow over. You have some time to let the ill feelings blow over and no one will be upset the day of the wedding.
    Explain to FI that it is for BMs only and hopefully he will relay the message (boys thell their moms everything) haha and everything will be fine!
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  • umcollegegrlumcollegegrl
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I didn't have a luncheon, but from what I've read generally both moms are invited (and sometimes other close female relatives as well)

    I invited all the bridesmaids and both moms to get mani/pedi's with me.

    Its a tough situation with the moms not getting along, but if I were in your position, I would invite MIL as well.  Maybe you can invite her for lunch and then just go with your BMs for mani/pedi's that way she feels involved, but you still get pamper time with just your girls?

    Good luck!
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  • MrsWhitneyAmandaMrsWhitneyAmanda
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I took my girls to lunch at a restaurant. My mama stopped by to say hi but then she went on her way - I didn't see MIL until the rehearsal that night. I think the bridesmaids' luncheon is meant to be just you and your girls, hence the name. I wouldn't invite FMIL - if she invites herself simply smile sweetly and tell her that, while you'd LOVE to have her there, you and your girls are all looking forward to some time for just the five of you, or however many there are, before all of the craziness of the wedding sets in later that day. BUT, you're really looking forward to seeing her at the rehearsal and spending time with her at the rehearsal dinner *sweet smile and batting eyelashes*. Okay, so the eyelashes may be a bit much, but you get my point :)
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  • AileeneGAileeneG member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I can totally see why your FMIL would be upset. If it were just you and your BM's, then it'd be easy enough to say  that it's just for you guys, but if your mom is going, it's kind of hard to not invite her and still spare her feelings. Can you maybe just have the luncheon with your mom and your girls, and then invite your FMIL to the pedi's later?

    She probably doesn't realize that she's too involved- maybe she's just trying to be helpful in too many things? Also, maybe getting your mom involved in other things that she may want to do would help her not feel like your FMIL is more involved than she is.   GL!

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  • jmucheech21jmucheech21 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think you should just tell her the truth.  Tell her you really want it to be a day just for your girls and you.  I don't think its very fair for her to be upset that your mother is invited and not her.. she's your mother!  That's very different.  Your mother raised you and probably knows many of these girls from when they were growing up.  If she can't understand it I would just let it go.  I mean, really, is she really going to hate you forever because you didn't invite her to the bridesmaids luncheon?  Once she sees you in your dress and sees the look on her sons face she'll get over it!
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  • irisheyezfsuirisheyezfsu
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    her mother isn't invited her mother is hosting. It seems her MIL doesn't understand her mother is the one who is diong the inviting. I think she needs to talk to her and be like my mom and I wanted to host this for the girls since she has not been as involved and that you would love to have a nice lunch with her just the two of you.

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