BF and I were talking last night about our goal of buying a house next summer. Yay!
However, his grandfather has some health issues that may affect our plans. Over the past couple years, he has become a little confused and has had some falls/little accidents. Right now he can still clean and dress himself, walk, and cook simple meals, but these incidents have picked up speed and severity. BF moved in with him to keep everything running smoothly. His parents live next door and help BF keep up the house and property (his grandfather owns a small farm); however, BF is the one who handles the day-to-day stuff. Right now that is mostly medications, cooking dinner, some simple wound care (this was after the latest fall), and generally making sure he is safe. As his grandfather becomes more dependent, BF would be the one to pick up those responsibilities. So him moving out would majorly shake things up for everybody.
Now, BF's relatives usually live well into their 90's, so he could conceivably be taking care of him for a while. His grandfather wants to stay in his home, BF and his family are making every effort to allow him to, and I completely support that. However, BF and I do not want to put off our future together indefinitely, so we are discussing the possibility of me moving there after I graduate. It has been a dream of his to buy the property after his grandfather passes (I completely support this also), so this would also prevent him getting tied up with another house and then losing out on his dream home.
So, BF asked me to think about some things that would help me feel like it was my home and that I would need to feel comfortable there if we went this route. Here's what I have so far:
- Obviously making sure his grandfather and parents are happy with this arrangement (they actually invited me to move in last year before I started school, so probably this part will still be OK - but just to be sure).
- Making sure we have a space of our own, and that I have my own space; doesn't have to be huge, but just a little something.
- Along with that, establishing clear guidelines for what I can and can't do with that space. I like colors, I like art, I like decorations. BF's family loves white walls and simplicity. So negotiating some boundaries with that that everyone can live with.
- Allowing time for BF and me to be a couple - his family, especially his parents, are pretty good about staying with his grandfather if BF spends a night at my house, or if we go on vacation or BF is on a business trip, so this would probably be fine.
- Figure out how it would affect our family planning. Staying with his grandfather might run into the point where we want to start a family, although this probably will not go on that long...=/ It is his home and it's not my right to basically force a new housemate on him like that, but again, this is another piece of my life that I don't want to delay indefinitely.
FWIW, BF and I have quickly run through the above points, and it sounds like most of it would be easily worked out. We have a year to mull it over while I'm in school, so that's good. My gut reaction tells me this would be a great arrangement, and I feel like I could be very helpful to his grandfather if he does end up needing more care at home (I have experience in geriatrics and hospice, and once I am nurse that is just more knowledge he has at his disposal, if he wants it). So my question to you all is, what else would you add to that list? What else should I consider about this option?
ETA: per usual, thanks for reading allllllll the words; I know I wrote a lot of them. 