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"contributions"

Rebl90Rebl90 member
500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I am currently in the beginning stages of planning my own wedding and am also assisting a friend of mine prepare for her own big day. She recently expressed to me that while she had registered somewhere for gifts she also is telling her guests  that they would welcome any gift cards or contributions to specific stores which she proceeded to name... 

Is it just me or does this scream tacky? I am so embarrassed for her, but I don't feel like I'm close enough to say anything. Awkward! 
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Re: "contributions"

  • misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Yes, it is tacky. 
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited August 2013
    It screams tacky for sure.  Do you feel like you need to step back from helping her?
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  • crunchymamaof2 crunchymamaof2 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    edited August 2013

    There is no reason she should be telling her guests that. Could you bring it up in a "hey guess what I read today?" and go from there. I'm not sure exactly how to word it but if you do it in a way that it seems like you didn't realize it was wrong either maybe she wouldn't be so defensive?

     

    Edit: removed bad advice

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

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  • GlassButtonGlassButton member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Yes that is tacky. Is there anyway you could share this information in a "you're planing a wedding, I'm planning a wedding so look at what I found" way? Or give her an etiquette book as a just because you're getting married?
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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @acove2006, no gift cards on registry. If one does, it becomes a cash registry.
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  • crunchymamaof2 crunchymamaof2 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    NYCMercedes said:
    @acove2006, no gift cards on registry. If one does, it becomes a cash registry.

    really? Didn't know that! whoops. editing my advice now

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

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  • bellaluna290bellaluna290 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Very tacky. I hope you get her an etiquette book for her wedding.
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  • SomethingBeautiful08SomethingBeautiful08 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Personally I don't like the idea of putting gift cards on the registry, because it feels the same as asking for cash... a bit like you are insulting my intelligence.  If you take the time to make a registry, you clearly like enough of their stuff that a gift card would be helpful to you, but you don't need to come right out and say it.
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  • SingleMom31SingleMom31 member
    10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    If someone flat out asks her for that info (I've had people ask if we'd like gift cards somewhere or cash, since we're not registering), I don't see it as such a problem to verbally mention it (since what else are you going to say?). But providing it without someone soliciting the info or heaven forbid with the invite is bad.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Yes, that's tacky.  If you want to register for something from the store, then pick something and put it on the registry.  Don't play head games with your guests.
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  • chibiyuichibiyui member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I registered at the department store I work at, and the bridal consultant called me over one day this week to let me know that we can now add gift cards to the registry. I told her I didn't want too (largely due to what I've read on here) , but she honestly was surprised because a lot of people buying registry items request it. 

    It *does* make sense in a way, cause any item purchased off the registry has a 10% bonus to the couple to complete the registry after the wedding. But I don't see why they couldn't program the gift cards to do that if a guest says they are buying it for this specific registry (oh wait, it's because we don't have competent programmers) And I don't think guests need to be told gift cards are welcome. It's rather self-explanatory. 

    We also registered at Crate and Barrel today, they also have the gift card option. So, I can see how many people wouldn't even know it is rude to do.
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  • Rebl90Rebl90 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited August 2013
    I'm so glad I'm not the only one feeling this way! I am still on the fence about saying anything, in my opinion we hadn't known each other long when she asked me to be in her wedding so I'm nervous about saying anything that might damage a new friendship. I do love all the suggestions about picking up an etiquette book, that seems like the nicest way!

    **went through her wedding site after she posted it and noticed that she also listed what she expected guests to wear, right down to the kind of shoe....I'm thinking this is a lost cause and I just need to be a friend and not make the same decisions for my own planning!
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  • Xstatic3333Xstatic3333 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    A friend of mine did this. Knowing her and the reasons it didn't hugely bother me (the requested store was a hardware store which doesn't have a national registry, and they just bought a fixer upper) but it is definitely tacky. Her wedding was otherwise etiquette-perfect however, and I tend to forgive one mess up a wedding.

    In general, I'm not a fan of when the registry page requires a long explanation of any sort. If more than links is required, something is off.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    Yes - it's tacky to ask for money in any form. If you're close enough to be helping her plan her wedding, I think it's fine to mention it to her. I'd just approach it in a really non-threatening way as other PPs have said, "I was reading a bunch of forums today for my wedding and came across..." She can take it or leave it. 
    *********************************************************************************

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  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Same as asking for cash.  People who don't feel a pull to a registry item might get a GC anyway, there's no need to ask for one.

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  • AprilH81AprilH81 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    People are smart enough to figure out if a couple likes a store enough to register there that gift cards would be welcome.  They can be saved for the future or used to finish off the registry.

    I just registered this weekend and I turned down offers at all three stores (Macy's, Crate and Barrel, Bed Bath & Beyond) to put gift cards on the registry.  I almost told the consultants that the idea was rude, but I knew they were only doing what they were told by corporate.
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  • cruffinocruffino member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Rebl90 said:
    **went through her wedding site after she posted it and noticed that she also listed what she expected guests to wear, right down to the kind of shoe....I'm thinking this is a lost cause and I just need to be a friend and not make the same decisions for my own planning!
    definitely a lost cause. i would back away slowly...
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  • tammym1001tammym1001 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Not being snarky at all, this is an honest question:
    When brides come on here and say they want money or a honeymoon fund people always say to create a small registry and if people ask say "we're registered at x store, but we're also saving up for x, y, and z."
    How is saying "we're registered at x store, but we would also welcome gift cards to stores x, y, and z." really different? Either way you're asking for contributions towards a bigger purchase. 
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  • Rebl90Rebl90 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited August 2013
    grumbledore said: Same as asking for cash.  People who don't feel a pull to a registry item might get a GC anyway, there's no need to ask for one.
    This is how I saw it exactly, I'm purchasing a gift card for another couple I know because their home is already furnished and they're having a destination wedding so I figured out     on my own that I can give them something towards the few big items on their list.  Love all the feedback on here, you gals are the best!
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