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Kids...

painterltpainterlt member
Ninth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Can I ask a question ? Why do people want to bring babies/ young children's weddings that they have been told is adults only?I love kids as much as the next person but I wouldn't want my kids at an open bar/ loud music party. I get that mothers not want to stick their child in the care of a stranger, but o they want them to be run over by a drunk groomsmen on the dance floor? Take it for what it is....a night away from the kids to have a little fun! If not, don't come and do not complain!!!! I have seen this problem arise with friends as it probably will with my own wedding.
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Re: Kids...

  • misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Have you lurked at all? There are lots of threads on this very topic. 

    Don't invite kids if you don't want. 
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  • painterltpainterlt member
    Ninth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    Oh I have looked, but what I don't understand is mothers becoming adamant their kids be there as well when they are not invited.
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    painterlt said:
    Can I ask a question ? Why do people want to bring babies/ young children's weddings that they have been told is adults only?I love kids as much as the next person but I wouldn't want my kids at an open bar/ loud music party. I get that mothers not want to stick their child in the care of a stranger, but o they want them to be run over by a drunk groomsmen on the dance floor? Take it for what it is....a night away from the kids to have a little fun! If not, don't come and do not complain!!!! I have seen this problem arise with friends as it probably will with my own wedding.
    Not everybody is you.  It's rude to bring anyone who wasn't invited, or to RSVP for anyone who wasn't invited, but that's a different issue than why they want to bring their kids to a wedding.



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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited August 2013
    Many people think their kids are special snowflakes that are universally loved and welcome. Many people don't want to pay for a sitter. It's a happy, fun gathering. There's no nudity, violence, or loud profane language at weddings I've been to so nothing is really inappropriate for kids. From what I've seen, guests with kids usually leave early enough so they're not trampled by drunk groomsmen.
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    When parents see "adults only" they think their kid MUST be an exception.

    Both parties, parents and the marrying couple, have their reasons for wanting/not wanting kids there. That's when the discussions get heated. It's the excuses that make perfectly reasonable requests seem condescending and patronizing.

    image
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  • GypsyWife_GypsyWife_ member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    Well from my personal POV. It is hard for me to find s sitter most the time bring I don't have close family and friends so for me it would be hard to ship my kids to another part of the state or try to find a sitter to.come to my.town
    If you were.a.close friend or relative I would feel hurt I couldn't bring my kids and decline the invitation. Some people don't know proper etiquette and would add them on the invite.
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  • OpenHeart0117OpenHeart0117 member
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    This issue always becomes contentious on this site and others....so get ready, LOL. I just don't get why people take it so personal. You have the right to host a kid free event if you want and parents (who can't or won't make arrangements for their kids) always have the option to decline if they want. It should be that simple, but people take offense so easily.  If you offer a baby sitter, then you have to deal with parent's who don't want strangers taking care of their kids which is understandable. But if you strictly enforce the "no kids desired or limited kids desired" position, then everybody wants their kids to be the exception, with no consideration for the position that this puts you in. Most times, people have to cut the list at some point & the fact that most parents don't understand or care that for the spots that these extra 20 kids take up, you could invite another 20 adults that you may have more of a meaningful connection/relationship with is just puzzling to me. Parenting is one of those things that everyone does different. I myself cannot imaging having children and basically not having a "date night" with my husband until they reach the age of 12 ! LOL And to me when people act like they can't attend a special event such as a wedding without their kids, this is what they are saying to ME. You want me to believe that you cannot go anywhere WITHOUT your kids ? Nonsense. You usually have 4-6 weeks to make arrangements or NOT.  I mean what do you do when you have work event/dinner that kids are not welcome at ? What do you do when you have a funeral to attend & don't want to terrorize a young child ? What do you do if you have an emergency ? You find a sitter IF you really don't want to miss the event. For me if you would rather miss my wedding than make arrangements for your children, I would probably rather that you just decline... without the commentary or complaints to family and friends. Because I would never called a parent who declined to ask why.
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  • Teddy917Teddy917 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Although if you specify "adults only" some people might do it just to be stubborn.
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  • bullfrogmamabullfrogmama member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary
    Simply Fated said:
    When parents see "adults only" they think their kid MUST be an exception. Both parties, parents and the marrying couple, have their reasons for wanting/not wanting kids there. That's when the discussions get heated. It's the excuses that make perfectly reasonable requests seem condescending and patronizing.
    The bolded is not true of all parents. 

    For me, if it's a family wedding, I'm screwed as far as babysitters are concerned. I don't leave my children with sitters who aren't family. I'm not offended by any means, but I will more than likely be declining since all my babysitters will be at the wedding. If it's a friend's wedding, you better believe I'm getting a sitter, I love getting nice and toasted at weddings and not having to worry about my kids. :)
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Simply Fated said:
    When parents see "adults only" they think their kid MUST be an exception. Both parties, parents and the marrying couple, have their reasons for wanting/not wanting kids there. That's when the discussions get heated. It's the excuses that make perfectly reasonable requests seem condescending and patronizing.
    The bolded is not true of all parents. 

    For me, if it's a family wedding, I'm screwed as far as babysitters are concerned. I don't leave my children with sitters who aren't family. I'm not offended by any means, but I will more than likely be declining since all my babysitters will be at the wedding. If it's a friend's wedding, you better believe I'm getting a sitter, I love getting nice and toasted at weddings and not having to worry about my kids. :)


    Aaaand I'm stuck in the quote box. Awesome.

    I didn't mean it was true of all parents. I was only referring to the parents the OP was asking about. I should have said "When these parents..." or "When some parents..."
    Sorry for any confusion!
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  • SingleMom31SingleMom31 member
    10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited August 2013
    To answer the OP's question as to WHY parents wouldn't cherish the night away, here's my prospective as the mom of an 8 month old: 1. If baby is breast feeding, it's hard to have a night away. You need to pump extra the couple days before to have enough for baby while you're gone. Plus, you often feel full while you're out, so then you need to pump while you're out. Depending on the venue, a quiet place to pump isn't always an option. Plus, some babies won't take bottles, so babysitter is stuck with a crying, hungry baby. While I was breast feeding, I'd have declined any invite without our LO. 2. If the parents work and LOs are in daycare, leaving them with a sitter more isn't appealing. Our LO is already with a sitter for 50 hrs/week, I like spending time with her otherwise. Not that I wouldn't do it, but it's something to consider. 3. If I'm getting a sitter (which is a rare event - the first time in 8 months will be our wedding night), do I want to spend it at a wedding? My BFF's yes; random 2nd cousin no. 4. Who will watch LO? We don't know a lot of non family that will baby sit. If it's a family wedding, I'd be hard pressed to find someone.

    Clearly asking to bring your child is always rude, but if you're looking for reasons why some might simply decline and cite their kids, those are some reasons.
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  • bullfrogmamabullfrogmama member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary
    Simply Fated said:
    Simply Fated said:
    When parents see "adults only" they think their kid MUST be an exception. Both parties, parents and the marrying couple, have their reasons for wanting/not wanting kids there. That's when the discussions get heated. It's the excuses that make perfectly reasonable requests seem condescending and patronizing.
    The bolded is not true of all parents. 

    For me, if it's a family wedding, I'm screwed as far as babysitters are concerned. I don't leave my children with sitters who aren't family. I'm not offended by any means, but I will more than likely be declining since all my babysitters will be at the wedding. If it's a friend's wedding, you better believe I'm getting a sitter, I love getting nice and toasted at weddings and not having to worry about my kids. :)


    Aaaand I'm stuck in the quote box. Awesome.

    I didn't mean it was true of all parents. I was only referring to the parents the OP was asking about. I should have said "When these parents..." or "When some parents..."
    Sorry for any confusion!
    Oh, no worries! :) Makes sense now. 
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