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The groom is terminally ill, please help!

gmeissnegmeissne
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in Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
My mother and her boyfriend have been together pretty much as long as I can remember. I have called him my stepdad for years. They just never got around to being married. 

He is terminally ill with lung cancer, so it's now or never. 

They are having a small, just family and close friends ceremony and teeny tiny reception (fighting the cancer has pretty much wiped them out financially), and asked me to do the ceremony. The problem is I have no idea what to say. 

I don't want it to be completely about cancer, but I also don't want to go completely traditional (till death do us part and what not).

Any ceremony ideas? 
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Re: The groom is terminally ill, please help!

  • mlg78mlg78 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers

    It shouldn't at all be about cancer! Why on Earth would you even mention that as part of a wedding ceremony?  That's just awful.

    http://www.asimplyelegantceremony.com/Example-Ceremonies.html

    Those are some examples.  You should also check to see what it takes to legally perform ceremonies in your state as well before pursuing things any further.

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  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Agree- make sure you check out the legal requirements first, get your ducks in a row.

    I wouldn't make the ceremony about the cancer at all- it is a celebration of their love. Check online- there are many formats for vows (my officiant gave us a few options to choose from) that range from very traditionally to not, but still wedding appropriate. 

    I think it's a very kind gesture for you to officiate and wish you and your family a lovely wedding. 
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Agree with the others - cancer has no place in the wedding!  Keep it about them.  Remember, he is still the same guy, he just has cancer.  My MIL lost her battle with cancer and was deeply offended when people saw her as a cancer patient rather than Mom, who happens to be battling cancer.

    Maybe they would like to write their own vows?
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    Agree w/ PPs to figure out what's required in your state.

    People with cancer don't want to be defined by their illness. They deal with it 24/7. I wouldn't mention cancer at all. The "til death do us part" is a part of their vows. Ask them if they want to write their own vows or part of their own ceremony. My H and I wrote our own ceremony and vows. We didn't include anything about death. I think we said "all of our days" or something. 

    If you want to PM me, I can give you a copy of what we used. You could work from there.
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  • WildMageletWildMagelet member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    Check with your state requirements, there are a lot of places you can get ordained online.  

    Don't mention the cancer in your ceremony.  Just make it all about them and their relationship.  I would avoid any traditional lines or scriptures mentioning sickness or death.

    Just skimming them, I really like the "Cherish each moment" ceremony on the link posted by mlg78.

    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
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