Hi! I'm recently engaged (yay!) and in the midst of planning our wedding for next summer. I'm struggling with how to handle incorporating my dad into the wedding. He passed away 2 years ago May (by the time of the wedding, it will have been just over 3) after a short, intense illness (he had mesothelioma and died 6 months after being diagnosed). My fiance and I met shortly before my dad was diagnosed, so he was there for me throughout the whole thing. My dad and I were pretty close, and I was a total daddy's girl. Everyone loved him - I can't think of anyone who would say anything negative about him - so his absence will be very noticeable, and I feel like people are going to pity me more than they're going to be excited for me.
My struggle is how to incorporate him without making everyone sad. I'm getting sad typing this! It feels wrong to have anyone else walk me down the aisle, and my mom doesn't care for attention so she would prefer to not do it but says she will. My brother is going to be a groomsman, and it would feel weird to have him do it. I'm leaning toward just walking by myself, and maybe having my fiance meet me part way, but again I don't want people to feel sad for me if I'm walking alone, given the backstory. I'm planning to include a photo or two in my bouquet, and I actually found a letter he wrote me when I was little so I'm going to have his signature embroidered onto a handkerchief that will be wrapped around my bouquet. So he still gets to walk me down the aisle. I also worry about nerves taking over and freezing up/falling over!
Part 2 - the father/daughter dance. My fiance is an only child, so I don't want to say no family dances, cause that's his mom's only opportunity and I don't want to take that away from either of them. I also don't not want to dance, but again I struggle with how to do this without being depressing. Another friend of mine whose dad passed said that she did a slide show with pictures of her and her dad and she danced a few steps with her grandpa and then finished the dance with her new husband. I don't have other male relatives who have been particularly fatherly to me. I've considered my brother and/or my mom, but I'm not sure we'll make it through that in one piece.
I haven't really let myself think too much about this because I get so upset, but I need to deal with it sooner than later. I have some small touches that I'm going to incorporate into the day, but I'm really struggling with these two things in particular. I'm worried I'm just going to cry all day cause I'm thinking about he's missing all of this, rather that being happy and excited to be getting married. And if I don't do anything, then I feel like its going to be an obvious absence or seem cold. I appreciate any and all suggestions. Thank you!