Wedding Etiquette Forum

Thank you note etiquette-gift was received two months before the wedding!

Hello there, all. First off, we sent out our invitations early for out of town guests. I received an RSVP from family, who I do not know very well. My uncle is officiating the wedding, and they are his parents, whom I have met once but I felt they deserved an invitation due to the familial connection. They live about 12 hours away and can't make it, no big deal. Then they sent me a card in the mail less than a week after I received their RSVP, it says congratulations on our upcoming wedding, they are sure it will be wonderful,mentioned the wedding of my aunt to their son (which I couldn't go to because I was deployed at the time)...They enclosed a check, paid to the order of (my name) with my fiance's name in the "memo" section. So, I can safely assume this is a wedding present. When to cash the check? And when to send a thank you note? If we aren't supposed to open gifts until after wedding and we have 2-3 months after the wedding to send thank you notes, then I should wait to cash it and should wait to send the note. How do they know I have received it? Should I bite the bullet and send two thank you notes? One saying I've received it and another after the wedding? We were going to have photo postcards made with our wedding photo on it as our thank-you note stationary. So I won't be able to send them the photocard until after the wedding (obviously). Should I just send them a single thank-you note now on plain stationary and not cash it until after the wedding, or cash it now? What would you ladies do? Our wedding isn't until October 18th and I received their card yesterday.

Thanks!

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Re: Thank you note etiquette-gift was received two months before the wedding!

  • Send them a thank you note and cash the check now - but don't spend the money until after the wedding. 

    You should always send a thank you note right after receiving a present - don't wait until after the wedding (as you say, this way they know that it arrived). When it comes to checks, some banks actually put time limits on how soon they must be cashed before they're invalid (usually 90 days), so you should also cash those sooner rather than later unless we're only talking a month or so before the wedding.

    As for the photo thank you stationary - I know that this is a pretty popular thing to do nowadays. Just keep in mind the time frame for it - your guests shouldn't have to wait forever for a thank you note just because you're waiting on stationary to arrive from the printer. This is especially true given how long it can take to receive your wedding photos from your photographer (mine took only 2 weeks - I've seen other brides whose took well over a month). I say this just to suggest having a back-up plan in mind. You can always send your thank yous on plain stationary, and then use the photo in a Christmas (or other holiday) card.
    image
    melbelleupBlue_Bird

  • allispain said:
    Send them a thank you note and cash the check now - but don't spend the money until after the wedding. 

    You should always send a thank you note right after receiving a present - don't wait until after the wedding (as you say, this way they know that it arrived). When it comes to checks, some banks actually put time limits on how soon they must be cashed before they're invalid (usually 90 days), so you should also cash those sooner rather than later unless we're only talking a month or so before the wedding.

    As for the photo thank you stationary - I know that this is a pretty popular thing to do nowadays. Just keep in mind the time frame for it - your guests shouldn't have to wait forever for a thank you note just because you're waiting on stationary to arrive from the printer. This is especially true given how long it can take to receive your wedding photos from your photographer (mine took only 2 weeks - I've seen other brides whose took well over a month). I say this just to suggest having a back-up plan in mind. You can always send your thank yous on plain stationary, and then use the photo in a Christmas (or other holiday) card.
    This. You'll probably get more than one card/gift ahead of time. Buy a pack of generic (nice) thank you notes and send them as you receive gifts. You can just say "we plan to use your gift toward...."
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    image
  • Deposit it now, don't spend it until after the wedding, and send a thank you card right away. And you really should send thank you cards right away for all gifts you receive, don't wait around on a photo.

  • Deposit it now, don't spend it until after the wedding, and send a thank you card right away. And you really should send thank you cards right away for all gifts you receive, don't wait around on a photo.
    All of this.  Any stationery will do just fine.  Fancy photo cards not required.
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
    image
    melbelleup
  • My photographer says she'll get us ours two weeks after the wedding. If she's having trouble, I'll just tell her what we need right then for thank you note stationary. She was really good about getting our engagement photos to us in a very timely manner. And when we discussed my bridal portraits, which we are doing next week, she said she would be sure to finish those quickly so I can have one on display at the wedding and use another for our newspaper announcement. She's been very good so far and I have no reason to think it'll take her a full month. A lot of photographers told us it takes 6-8 weeks! Which I know isn't unheard of, but I'm not worried with our photographer.

    I got off subject, your advice to send a thank you note now, cash check now, but wait to spend the money. My wedding is in a month and a half-so I'm sure I won't hit the 90 day limit. But I do see your point. Thanks!

    P.S. I think if I ever send a check as a wedding present, I'll date the check the day of their wedding to avoid any confusion or rush. I feel like I'm worrying over something very small and petty. But it matters to them so I care!

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  • fschuller said:

    My photographer says she'll get us ours two weeks after the wedding. If she's having trouble, I'll just tell her what we need right then for thank you note stationary. She was really good about getting our engagement photos to us in a very timely manner. And when we discussed my bridal portraits, which we are doing next week, she said she would be sure to finish those quickly so I can have one on display at the wedding and use another for our newspaper announcement. She's been very good so far and I have no reason to think it'll take her a full month. A lot of photographers told us it takes 6-8 weeks! Which I know isn't unheard of, but I'm not worried with our photographer.

    I got off subject, your advice to send a thank you note now, cash check now, but wait to spend the money. My wedding is in a month and a half-so I'm sure I won't hit the 90 day limit. But I do see your point. Thanks!

    P.S. I think if I ever send a check as a wedding present, I'll date the check the day of their wedding to avoid any confusion or rush. I feel like I'm worrying over something very small and petty. But it matters to them so I care!

    I wouldn't do this. I probably wouldn't notice and I would embarrassed when it didn't clear. 

    jendemeyer
  • Haha, it was just me thinking as I was typing. I probably wouldn't send a check at all. That is what wedding registries are for. There was one couple I know who had no registry (due to his military service, they were facing a move right after the wedding) so she requested gift cards. I just got her a prepaid debit card so she could spend it anywhere and anyway she wanted. She seemed to appreciate that, so checks can just be avoided entirely.
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  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches the Northern Plains member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Cash the check immediately, set the money aside, and send the thank-you right away. It's more important to thank people in a timely manner than to have special stationery, and it's really important to cash checks right away so that the accounts balance.

  • fschuller said:
    Haha, it was just me thinking as I was typing. I probably wouldn't send a check at all. That is what wedding registries are for. There was one couple I know who had no registry (due to his military service, they were facing a move right after the wedding) so she requested gift cards. I just got her a prepaid debit card so she could spend it anywhere and anyway she wanted. She seemed to appreciate that, so checks can just be avoided entirely.
    I'd rather a check than a gift card, personally. In my circle, registries are for shower. Most people give cash at weddings.
    Anniversary
    melbelleup
  • ashleyep said:

    fschuller said:
    Haha, it was just me thinking as I was typing. I probably wouldn't send a check at all. That is what wedding registries are for. There was one couple I know who had no registry (due to his military service, they were facing a move right after the wedding) so she requested gift cards. I just got her a prepaid debit card so she could spend it anywhere and anyway she wanted. She seemed to appreciate that, so checks can just be avoided entirely.
    I'd rather a check than a gift card, personally. In my circle, registries are for shower. Most people give cash at weddings.
    That is true in our circle (mostly) also.  There is certainly nothing wrong with a prepaid debit card since you can spend it anywhere but I do think depositing a check is much easier for the couple.  All the money is in one place instead of over several gift cards.  Whenever I have given someone a prepaid debit card I've had to pay between 4 and 6 dollars to have it activated.
  • And it can be difficult to spend those last $3.47 on a prepaid debit card.
    misssunshine17melbelleupcrunchymamaof2 jendemeyer
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