steating arrangement problem

fionahaley · August 2013

Hi everyone

I am getting married in November and I am trying to sort out the seating arrangement there is just one major problem.
My fiancés parents are divorved and can´t stand each other and his mum can´t stand her ex-husbands new wife who will also be coming to the wedding. I wanted to have the tables in a U form with his and my parents next to us but I can´t put them next to each other! But I don´t want one of them to feel excluded by seating them on the other side of the room.

If anyone had any suggestions I would be so greatful

vk2204 · August 2013

They can't sit at separate tables next to each other?

fionahaley · August 2013

no I don´t think that would work they can´t stand the sight of one another an haven´t spoken since 10 years.

STARMOON44 · August 2013

Can you do round tables, one for each of them, and you sit with your bridal party?

fionahaley · August 2013

We are having the reception at my FI Mums house and she doen´t have any round tables

jessicabessica · August 2013

Is the "U" made up of rectangular tables? If so, don't put them in a "U" and have them separate so you can do what @starmoon44 suggested but with rectangular tables instead of round tables. Fill each table with their friends and/or extended family--whoever they would like to sit with.

Adults should be able to behave like adults for one day, but I think you may be pushing your luck by having them at the same table, possibly seated close to each other.

misssunshine17 · August 2013

First, you need a little perspective. This is not a crisis. I'd take the drama down a notch.

Wedding planning can't always go how you like it, so it seems like you might need to nix the idea of a U shape and separate the parents. Can should go in expecting they will act like a adults.

Xstatic3333 · August 2013

If a U shape is the only option, put them on opposite branches of the U. Don't put any parents right next to you; instead, put the BM and MOH with their SOs next to you on either side. This is commonly done and shouldn't offend anybody. Scatter each of the three parent sets around the U surrounded by their own family or friends.

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

They are adults fully capable of putting their own issues aside on your wedding day. If they're not, then they're not adults. Don't let their personal drama become your "crisis".

Nix the U. Seat yourselves with your WP and then put them at separate tables.

TheBaysideBride · August 2013

seat them far apart, and forget about it. They're going to see each other, and they'll all be fine.

fionahaley · August 2013

thanks everyone for the helpful comments

sorry I am british we use the word crisis like you use the word drama

crunchymamaof2 · August 2013

There's no reason they can't behave like adults if their tables are next to eachother.

___ ___ if the tables are like that, put his mom on the farthest right, and his dad on the farthest left. Then there will be people in between them. At least, that's how I'm picture the tables being in a U shape so I could be way off.

Either sit them on opposite sides of the U or put them where you want them. If they can't deal then that's on them.

TheBaysideBride · August 2013

haha Fiona I was guessing that from your name and "mum"

ashleyep · August 2013

I'm sort of having this problem - I'm putting one of his parents on my side. If I had a U-shape, I would put my family in the middle.

But I know what you're going through, and I know that no, it's not as easy as saying "well they should be able to behave like adults."

misssunshine17 · August 2013

fionahaley said:

thanks everyone for the helpful comments
sorry I am british we use the word crisis like you use the word drama

Glad to hear you don't legitimately think it's a real crisis. Good luck!

ElcaB · August 2013

You may be surprised at how mature people can be to preserve the happiness of your day. Talk to them and find out if how they feel. Besides, if your reception is like most I've been to, there won't be much sitting aside from mealtime.

fionahaley · August 2013

sorry i am not down with the slang BM is bridesmaid? what is MOH and SOs?

fionahaley · August 2013

ashleyep said:

I'm sort of having this problem - I'm putting one of his parents on my side. If I had a U-shape, I would put my family in the middle.

But I know what you're going through, and I know that no, it's not as easy as saying "well they should be able to behave like adults."

I know it so hard, thanks for your tip

good luck with your wedding

SKPM · August 2013

fionahaley said:

sorry i am not down with the slang BM is bridesmaid? what is MOH and SOs?

BM is generally bridesmaid or best man. MOH being maid of honor, SOs refers to significant others. The PP likely meant having your maid of honor and best man, along with their dates, closest to you.

fionahaley · August 2013

SKPM said:

BM is generally bridesmaid or best man. MOH being maid of honor, SOs refers to significant others. The PP likely meant having your maid of honor and best man, along with their dates, closest to you.

Thank you

svc2014 · August 2013

How annoying for you! They can't grown up and be civil for a few hours at your wedding?

I say sit them far apart and if they get on your case about the proximity to the bridal party tell them if they could get along then you wouldn't have the problem in the first place.

phira · August 2013

My brother's wedding two years ago was a seating arrangement challenge: both the bride and groom had divorced parents who can't stand their exes, and I'm estranged from my dad. So that was fun.

They handled it by having 4 separate tables--one for each parent (parents were seated with their friends, parents, siblings, etc--it wasn't like 4 separate tables of 2 people each). I was at another table entirely, with other members of the wedding party.

I want to emphasize that everyone BEHAVED. My maternal grandmother hates my dad, my paternal grandmother hates my mom, my dad and I don't talk, even civilly, my dad's new wife hates my mom, my sister-in-law's parents refuse to speak to each other ... and everyone just behaved because it was someone else's wedding.

fionahaley · August 2013

phira said:

My brother's wedding two years ago was a seating arrangement challenge: both the bride and groom had divorced parents who can't stand their exes, and I'm estranged from my dad. So that was fun.

They handled it by having 4 separate tables--one for each parent (parents were seated with their friends, parents, siblings, etc--it wasn't like 4 separate tables of 2 people each). I was at another table entirely, with other members of the wedding party.

I want to emphasize that everyone BEHAVED. My maternal grandmother hates my dad, my paternal grandmother hates my mom, my dad and I don't talk, even civilly, my dad's new wife hates my mom, my sister-in-law's parents refuse to speak to each other ... and everyone just behaved because it was someone else's wedding.

WOW, that sounds really difficult!!!! thanks for the tip I will keep that in mind. I am glad everyone behaved at your brothers wedding!

fionahaley · August 2013

svc2014 said:

How annoying for you! They can't grown up and be civil for a few hours at your wedding?

I say sit them far apart and if they get on your case about the proximity to the bridal party tell them if they could get along then you wouldn't have the problem in the first place.

It is a bit frustrating but I hope they can just get along for a few hours.

fionahaley · August 2013

Thanks everyone for the great tips and comments and sharing of previous experiences. This is the first time I have ever posted anything in a discussion. Definitely will do so again had so many helpful and kind answers today I feel alot better

thanks

fionahaley · August 2013

acove2006 said:

There's no reason they can't behave like adults if their tables are next to eachother.
___ ___ if the tables are like that, put his mom on the farthest right, and his dad on the farthest left. Then there will be people in between them. At least, that's how I'm picture the tables being in a U shape so I could be way off.
Either sit them on opposite sides of the U or put them where you want them. If they can't deal then that's on them.

thanks this was a great comment and very helpfull

think i am going to go with this idea

MDbride1012 · August 2013

My parents are in the middle of a separation and I will be upset if they can't be adults and put aside there differences for one day. Also, my FI's parents are divorced and both have new SOs. They put aside their differences for major events involving their children though (graduations, weddings, etc.) However, I plan on seating them at separate tables.

clg1213 · August 2013

At my "practice wedding" (i.e. my 1st wedding), I had my mom & step-dad host a table on one side of us since they had other folks coming (family & long-term friends). On the other side, I had the groom's parents (plus his sibling) with my dad & step-mom (they didn't have other people they knew/invited...). So I still had 2 parent tables, but my folks were on opposite sides and we had a table with combined parents.

So like this....

(Dad, Step-Mom, Groom's Parents & siblings) SWEETHEART (Mom etc)

steating arrangement problem

Re: steating arrangement problem

Choose Another Board

Search Boards