help- wedding register or not

myvegas4me · August 2013

I plan a small family and close friends wedding in Yosemite,(no reception to follow just a small dinner ) I want to have a party a couple months after the honeymoon, this party would be small plates of appetizers, a cake, and dj with photographer we will show a video of our wedding and some photos of the honeymoon.

is it proper to register via a bridal/ wedding registry at a place to ask for gifts?

we have never been married before and currently live together.

KeptInStitches · August 2013

I don't think, etiquette-wise, it's proper to register (someone correct me if I'm wrong).

How big is your party as compared to your small wedding? I would skip showing the wedding video at your party - maybe put out some wedding photos instead, or have a slideshow of them running in the corner.

Maggie0829 · August 2013

No you should not register for the party after the honeymoon because those registries are for weddings and that is not what you are having since you would already be married. KWIM?

I also agree with Stitches, skip the wedding video just put out some wedding pictures or an album so that if people want to look at them they can.

myvegas4me · August 2013

wedding will be approx. 50 people

the huge party will have 100-150 people our friends and close family that I know would not travel to Yosemite for a wedding. work people and our friends here in vegas

I am open to pics instead of a video.

my point is people come to the wedding to share In the experience but also the party is really what everyone looks forward to and instead of having everything in one day (for various reasons, money and travel) we have a huge celebration of us being married, why cant I ask for gifts, I am paying for the food, the open bar and the dj. they are coming to a reception its just 2 months after the wedding they never attended.

misshart00 · August 2013

I think it's fine to register, but people don't generally get you gifts just for a party. Also, registry information should never be included on the invitation.

And remember, the party a couple months later is just that, a party. Don't try to make it into a second wedding.

itzMS · August 2013

myvegas4me said:

I plan a small family and close friends wedding in Yosemite,(no reception to follow just a small dinner ) I want to have a party a couple months after the honeymoon, this party would be small plates of appetizers, a cake, and dj with photographer we will show a video of our wedding and some photos of the honeymoon.
is it proper to register via a bridal/ wedding registry at a place to ask for gifts?
we have never been married before and currently live together.

I'd need to know more of the story.

What is the reasoning behind not inviting all of the guests to Yosemite, or instead just getting married on the day you planned your large reception? It's not like you're planning an out of the country destination wedding. IMHO, family AND close friends does not count as a private ceremony, either.

To me, the large reception/party is already on the borderline of rude. It's like saying to your guests "Oh, you weren't important enough to witness my vows while only our CLOSE friends ad family did...but here! Watch a video of the wedding I didn't invite you to! While we don't even serve you a full meal!"

misshart00 · August 2013

myvegas4me said:

wedding will be approx. 50 people
the huge party will have 100-150 people our friends and close family that I know would not travel to Yosemite for a wedding. work people and our friends here in vegas
I am open to pics instead of a video.
my point is people come to the wedding to share In the experience but also the party is really what everyone looks forward to and instead of having everything in one day (for various reasons, money and travel) we have a huge celebration of us being married, why cant I ask for gifts, I am paying for the food, the open bar and the dj. they are coming to a reception its just 2 months after the wedding they never attended.

I don't quite understand your reasoning on the bold. It's more expensive to have two parties than to have one.

ETA: I also very much enjoy the ceremony. It's the whole reason people are there. Just invite everyone to the wedding. It'll be a lot easier.

Maggie0829 · August 2013

myvegas4me said:

wedding will be approx. 50 people
the huge party will have 100-150 people our friends and close family that I know would not travel to Yosemite for a wedding. work people and our friends here in vegas
I am open to pics instead of a video.
my point is people come to the wedding to share In the experience but also the party is really what everyone looks forward to and instead of having everything in one day (for various reasons, money and travel) we have a huge celebration of us being married, why cant I ask for gifts, I am paying for the food, the open bar and the dj. they are coming to a reception its just 2 months after the wedding they never attended.

Because you should never ask for gifts. Ever. That is rude. You are choosing to throw a party. That does not mean people owe you a gift.

And the party after the HM is not a reception. It is a "yay, let's celebrate our new marriage" party and should in no way be treated as a wedding reception. The dinner after your ceremony is your wedding reception. If you would like to create a registry for your wedding that is fine but you should not really create one just for AHR because that will just look gift grabby.

APDSS22 · August 2013

I would just go ahead and invite everyone to the actual wedding and reception in Yosemite. You never know who will go the extra mile to attend. I had a couple of people RSVP yes for my wedding that I didn't think would be able to make the trip and I'm thrilled to death I'll be able to have them there. Registering for a party a couple months later makes it look like you're only after gifts since you didn't invite them to the reason ya'll will be celebrating so I don't think it would be appropriate.

Xstatic3333 · August 2013

Register for your wedding (a small registry given your guest list). The registry will still be there if anyone going to the party wants to go to the trouble of tracking it down. Don't publicize it.

I do think that your wedding is a bit larger than what could be considered "private," (unless you have very large families) and you risk ruffling some feathers with your plan. I'd recommend inviting everyone you'd like to celebrate with to your wedding. You can still host a celebration party later if large numbers decline as you predict.

MayDay513 · August 2013

You can have a small registry for your wedding. Don't just create a registry for your second party.

Are you inviting everyone to Yosemite?

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

myvegas4me said:

wedding will be approx. 50 people
the huge party will have 100-150 people our friends and close family that I know would not travel to Yosemite for a wedding. work people and our friends here in vegas
I am open to pics instead of a video.
my point is people come to the wedding to share In the experience but also the party is really what everyone looks forward to and instead of having everything in one day (for various reasons, money and travel) we have a huge celebration of us being married, why cant I ask for gifts, I am paying for the food, the open bar and the dj. they are coming to a reception its just 2 months after the wedding they never attended.

Asking for presents is considered bad etiquette.

I think it's fine if you register. I would register before your actual wedding and just make the registry a little larger. As with anything, don't put registry information anywhere - it's considered asking for gifts (bad etiquette). If people want to buy you a present, it's as easy as googling your name and the word registry and Voila! they can pretty much see anywhere you're registered.

myvegas4me · August 2013

I didn't put anything in bold, someone else did this,

why would I waste money on invites to people when I know they have no intention to travel to Yosemite. so that is why I was planning to invite everyone to the party. its not a reception so im not supplying a dinner, its a party to celebrate us, isn't this the same as a wedding?? I understand I asked for opinions but there seems to be a lot of either confusion or contradiction going on. actual people I see at the wedding given the 50 invites to be sent out would be 25 if that?

I already know a wedding in Yosemite with 150 invites is impossible as the lodging and logistics for this big of a wedding is impossible at this time.

misshart00 · August 2013

I didn't put anything in bold, someone else did this,
why would I waste money on invites to people when I know they have no intention to travel to Yosemite. so that is why I was planning to invite everyone to the party. its not a reception so im not supplying a dinner, its a party to celebrate us, isn't this the same as a wedding?? I understand I asked for opinions but there seems to be a lot of either confusion or contradiction going on. actual people I see at the wedding given the 50 invites to be sent out would be 25 if that?
I already know a wedding in Yosemite with 150 invites is impossible as the lodging and logistics for this big of a wedding is impossible at this time.
Can't get out of the box.
Are you only inviting people you know will come? If you're not, then wouldn't your be "wasting" invites on people who won't come?
I think there's some confusion too. Where did the 25 come from?
Also, you don't have to deal with logistics or lodging for people who come. They do all that. I would just have the wedding for 50 people and call it a day.
And a reception is just the party where you receive the guests who attended your ceremony. It has nothing to do with serving dinner or not.

Maggie0829 · August 2013

myvegas4me said:

I didn't put anything in bold, someone else did this,
why would I waste money on invites to people when I know they have no intention to travel to Yosemite. so that is why I was planning to invite everyone to the party. its not a reception so im not supplying a dinner, its a party to celebrate us, isn't this the same as a wedding?? I understand I asked for opinions but there seems to be a lot of either confusion or contradiction going on. actual people I see at the wedding given the 50 invites to be sent out would be 25 if that?
I already know a wedding in Yosemite with 150 invites is impossible as the lodging and logistics for this big of a wedding is impossible at this time.

No it is not the same as a wedding. A wedding actually consists of you and your FI getting married. This party you are throwing is a celebration of your new marriage. Not the same thing. No one is saying that people will not get you gifts, because they probably will. I know that if I were invited to something like this I would give you a check. What we are saying is that it is rude to ask for gifts just because you are choosing to throw a party.

I have no problem with you having a DW and inviting 50 people to that and then turning around and having a AHR. Nothing wrong with that. You just can't treat the AHR as a wedding because it isn't. Have the party and celebrate your new marriage with your friends. I do think registering just for the AHR is a bit gift grabby in my eyes, like the only reason why you are having the AHR is to get gifts from your friends and family that you didn't feel like inviting to your actual wedding.

Make a registry for your DW. Then leave it up. But in no way advertise your registry. If people ask feel free to tell them but don't include the info in your invites or on your wedding website. By telling people without them asking where you are registered it comes off like all you care about are the gifts.

TheBaysideBride · August 2013

If you're choosing a small wedding, register for the people who are attending the wedding. If others who come to a "let's celebrate our marriage" party months later want to still buy things off the registry for you, they are welcome to do that. But I would not expect anyone to. It is insulting to not be invited to the wedding, it just it. You're making the choice to keep it small, so you don't get the benefit of a large number of presents. You just have to make you choice and make peace with it. People coming out to celebrate with you after the fact can be their gift to you.

misshart00 · August 2013

I have a serious question. I feel like it might help clear up some of the confusion. Why do you want to have the second party?

itzMS · August 2013

I just Googled the driving distance from Las Vegas to Yosemite. It's less than 6 hours...around 5 hours, actually. DH & I would definitely do this for a wedding, stay the night, and drive back the next day. A nice little weekend away. Pretty much everyone I can think of offhand would do this, too.

I think it's really weird to assume that 50 people would do this...but the other 100 wouldn't. And just not invite the other 100 people.

Just have one party.

LDubHawksFan · August 2013

myvegas4me said:
I didn't put anything in bold, someone else did this,
why would I waste money on invites to people when I know they have no intention to travel to Yosemite. so that is why I was planning to invite everyone to the party. its not a reception so im not supplying a dinner, its a party to celebrate us, isn't this the same as a wedding?? I understand I asked for opinions but there seems to be a lot of either confusion or contradiction going on. actual people I see at the wedding given the 50 invites to be sent out would be 25 if that?
I already know a wedding in Yosemite with 150 invites is impossible as the lodging and logistics for this big of a wedding is impossible at this time.

Someone else made tex bold to clarify what they were responding to.

I looked into our wedding at Yosemite too. You are right, there are few accommodations for 150 people unless you go really expensive (the Ahwahnee is seriously nice but really expensive). Where exactly are you getting married there? At the chapel? Or are you going to ask your guests to show up at one of the meadows (which is a problem by not offering seating)? There aren't as many options as you might think. Where are you hosting your 50 guests after?
Aside from that logistics tangent, I think you should evaluate the guestlist and make it one event. You are going to end up spending more on two events. And I don't understand your argument on the reason being the cost of invitations. You will actually need more invitations the way you are doing it (25 for the actual wedding & 75 for the party), plus you can find very affordable stationary
out there. Try vistaprint or etsy.

Edit: we looked only in the park in the valley.

Viczaesar · August 2013

myvegas4me said:

I didn't put anything in bold, someone else did this,
why would I waste money on invites to people when I know they have no intention to travel to Yosemite. so that is why I was planning to invite everyone to the party. its not a reception so im not supplying a dinner, its a party to celebrate us, isn't this the same as a wedding?? I understand I asked for opinions but there seems to be a lot of either confusion or contradiction going on. actual people I see at the wedding given the 50 invites to be sent out would be 25 if that?
I already know a wedding in Yosemite with 150 invites is impossible as the lodging and logistics for this big of a wedding is impossible at this time.

First, your statement that "its not a reception so im not supplying a dinner" doesn't make any sense. Second, a wedding is not a party to celebrate you. A wedding ceremony is when you get married, and the reception that follows is how you thank your guests for attending your wedding. It's not for you, it's for them. Third, it would be easier to understand what you're asking and saying if you used capitals and proper punctuation, which would cut down on the confusion you're complaining about.

Dreamergirl8812 · August 2013

myvegas4me said:

I didn't put anything in bold, someone else did this,
why would I waste money on invites to people when I know they have no intention to travel to Yosemite. so that is why I was planning to invite everyone to the party. its not a reception so im not supplying a dinner, its a party to celebrate us, isn't this the same as a wedding?? I understand I asked for opinions but there seems to be a lot of either confusion or contradiction going on. actual people I see at the wedding given the 50 invites to be sent out would be 25 if that?
I already know a wedding in Yosemite with 150 invites is impossible as the lodging and logistics for this big of a wedding is impossible at this time.

1) You don't "waste" money by telling people you love that you want them to witness your marriage.

2) A wedding is where you get married, it is not a party to celebrate you.

3) It would be very rude of you to ask people for wedding gifts that you did not invite to your wedding. In any circumstance.

SKPM · August 2013

Dreamergirl8812 said:

myvegas4me said:

I didn't put anything in bold, someone else did this,
why would I waste money on invites to people when I know they have no intention to travel to Yosemite. so that is why I was planning to invite everyone to the party. its not a reception so im not supplying a dinner, its a party to celebrate us, isn't this the same as a wedding?? I understand I asked for opinions but there seems to be a lot of either confusion or contradiction going on. actual people I see at the wedding given the 50 invites to be sent out would be 25 if that?
I already know a wedding in Yosemite with 150 invites is impossible as the lodging and logistics for this big of a wedding is impossible at this time.

1) You don't "waste" money by telling people you love that you want them to witness your marriage.

2) A wedding is where you get married, it is not a party to celebrate you.

3) It would be very rude of you to ask people for wedding gifts that you did not invite to your wedding. In any circumstance.

4) It is not appropriate to invite anyone, even the 25 or 50 or whatever the elite list is, to your wedding and then not host them afterward. If it falls over a meal time, you should be serving enough food to equal a meal. If not, cake, punch, and some light snacks would be fine.

OP, can you clarify your remark about not serving dinner? Was that for the wedding or the later party? (Although, same thing applies, meals for meal time or refreshments otherwise.)

SomethingBeautiful08 · August 2013

If someone wants to get you a gift.. for your wedding or otherwise, they probably will. When you put registry or another wishlist on or in an invite, it makes it clear the you expect a gift. For an event like a wedding shower that is fine, but for a wedding or a party celebrating your wedding just looks like you are begging for gifts which is rude.

myvegas4me · September 2013

thanks but no thanks on the comments I have decided to go a different route so no longer need the input.

Thank you.

daveANDkristen · September 2013

So why come back more than two weeks later to revive the thread?

People gave you good advice, even though you may not have liked it.

help- wedding register or not

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