Spinoff - did you and FI ever talk about calling off your wedding?

TheBaysideBride · August 2013

This would probably shock most of our friends and family, but DH and I had two big fights in the months before the wedding where we yelled about not getting married. I also got so mad at him the night before we left for the wedding weekend that I called one of my best friends and was like "what am i doing??" Looking back, it was pre-wedding jitters that really magnified everything. I'm guessing (hoping) I'm not alone....

One of the best things my parents did during the wedding process was to tell me frankly that if at any point we changed our minds that it was better to lose the deposits and not go through w/ it (their best friends' son got separated two weeks after his honeymoon and basically said he knew he was making a mistake when he walked down the aisle but thought it was too late to turn back once they wedding was planned).

TerriHugg · August 2013

Nope... We did talk about canceling the wedding plans and just eloping...

I'm not going to judge you because I don't know you and your situation. But I sincerely wish you luck and happiness with whatever you decide.

kefryar · August 2013

We have talked about calling off our wedding twice now-not because we don't want to get married, but because we're in a situiation right now where it might be better to take the money that my parents were offering instead. Ultimately, we both decided we would regret not having one (him more than me, amazingly) and decided to stick it out. I'm sure the topic will come up again.

On another note, I was the MOH in a wedding last year, and a lot of people thought they were making a mistake. Groom cheated on the bride while they were engaged (with another man, but that's a different story) and she had a lot of reservations.

They're still together, but less than a year later she was already talking about marriage counsling and divorce. She stated the same reason-that her mom had put too much money into the wedding to turn back. Not a happy situiation at all.

TheBaysideBride · August 2013

Terri - we got married!! It was great and so far, so good.

We also did see a counselor during the time we were fighting, which was a GREAT decision. I hadn't been in a serious relationship in about 7 years before i met DH and really had a hard time sharing my life, time, etc. The therapist really helped us communicate in non-aggressive ways, and it made a huge difference in our relationship.

TerriHugg · August 2013

Oh, well II'm glad to here everything worked out for you! I can only imagine how emotionally draining that period of uncertainty was.

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

We never considered calling off the wedding because we didn't want to get married. Yikes! That's really serious. We did think about postponing to have a longer engagement or to use the money on the house we just bought. But we never fight to the point of threatening the sanctity of our choice to get married.

Xstatic3333 · August 2013

We never did, but we have a pretty mellow relationship dynamic. Every relationship is different.

NYCMercedes · August 2013

I'm a married old hag, bayside. We have had problems, and good times, through the years. It's normal. I didn't realize that until a sage grandmother told me that every relationship has its ups and downs. Eventually I found out most of my MOH (maybe that should be old married hags, or OMH) friends had ups and downs in their marriages as well. I'm glad you have counseling, as with us our marriage was worth it.

Abbyjensen · August 2013

I was a MOH in a wedding and my friend mentioned twice about calling off the wedding. They were stressed and she has a temper, and I think she was freaking out. The wedding was sooner than she wanted (4 month engagement), and it just added to the stress. As things drew nearer, though, she got used to the idea and settled down.

They've been married 2.5 years and all is good!

MayDay513 · August 2013

Yeah. We kept talking about canceling and eloping.

Swazzle · August 2013

We discussed cancelling and planning a very small DW but we did not ever discuss calling off the wedding because we didn't want to marry each other.

kelceya · August 2013

We're similar to many PPs. We're having a destination wedding, as our families are on different continents. When we told our parents we wanted to meet in the middle we thought they'd be pleased with our sense of equality and fairness. Perhaps we should have seen it coming, but the announcement didn't go over all that well, and at one point both families were more or less demanding that we hold the wedding in our respective home towns. Elopement came up more than once, and to be honest we probably would have gone through with it if it weren't for the fact that it wouldn't have made anyone any happier! We've reached something of a ceasefire now, but in moments of doubt we still throw the word around...

doeydo · August 2013

FI and I would never want to cancel the idea marrying each other. The only thing that would make me not want to marry him would be if I came home to him in bed with someone else or something like that that is kind of extreme.

thisismynickname2 · August 2013

Nothing's happened with me personally, but my fiance was previously married and divorced several years back. He said they went through pre-cana, so I'd asked what he'd learned from it. He said he learned he shouldn't have married that girl. He also went on to say he talked with his parents a week before his wedding and said he wasn't sure he could go through with the wedding. Well, he did, and they lasted four years and had a lot more counseling before calling it quits.

I had a close friend with jitters but it really only ever sounded like jitters. The tough thing is, socially, you can NOT be "that friend who said to call it off" (because if your opinion was wrong, now everything's your fault for getting involved!). You can be that friend who says you'll support them through anything but you just can never tell someone what to do. A few months after that wedding she told me she was thinking of annulment! Thing was, with this situation- she wanted to be engaged by the time she graduated college. That didn't happen, but she went on to get engaged to her first boyfriend out of college. I told her point-blank, "You wanted to get married, you wanted to be a wife. You got what you wanted. If you didn't choose wisely, that's on you. Get counseling or something." They've been together 3 years now and she's a lot happier. You just never know I guess.....

fearlessbrideMI · August 2013

Bayside - FI and I have also had two instances of fights that end up with one of us saying this. The first was only a week after we got engaged and the argument we were having was the stupidest thing ever but FI told me to "shut the hell up already" and he NEVER speaks to me that was so in that moment I thought "wth? So not doing this" and handed him back the ring which made him realize what he had said and how he said it and he broke down as did I. I think that one was just some weirdness. The second time was days after we moved our wedding up by 8 months and again I think it was just a jitters/big changes freak out moment. Now we're less then 35 days from our wedding and we're both on cloud 9. We haven't had many disagreements since the 2nd fight. I think we both needed to realize how important we really are to each other and the thought of losing each other did just that.

Now I can't wait to marry him!

harper0813 · August 2013

We've discussed not marrying twice. Once early on when something pretty bad came to light, but we decided that our desire to be together was too great to give up. It happened again about a month ago. Work stress related.

There are ups and downs. FI can be sort of a pessimist so when something goes wrong, he often doesn't see a solution right away.

We often spoke of canceling the wedding and eloping.

melbelleup · August 2013

Yeah. We kept talking about canceling and eloping.

this. I'm soooo over planning, some days I love it, others I don't want to hear anything wedding related... I go weeks at a time where I don't do anything wedding wise and then go a few weeks doing a lot which then stresses me out... if I could elope... well, scratch that... if I could get married on the beach with just my family (parents, grandparents and aunts and uncles) I would in a heart beat.... I even tried to persuade my dad to it.. but at last, he wants a big wedding (I do too...ish) and he's paying, so I can't complain. Just tons of stress at times.

[Deleted User] · August 2013

We only discussed and decided to postpone the wedding to this November last year. We have our ups and downs but I wouldn't want to have those with anyone else. We are set on getting married this year no matter what.

WonderRed · August 2013

Nope. We did come very VERY close, last week, to cancelling the shebang and eloping, but I can't begin to imagine us just calling it quits altogether. No way. He's been my best friend for way too long.

RedJacks25 · August 2013

I've been a part of a broken engagement before, so I feel sometimes like I'm "testing" FI. Once when we were fighting I made some comment about how he's probably realizing how much he doesn't want to marry me. That stopped the fight dead in its tracks and he said he has never, ever thought about not wanting to marry me. That calmed me down a lot, and I no longer have that worry about us breaking it off.

I'm very excited about marrying him.

allispain · August 2013

I'll admit, I occasionally had the thought during our engagement that maybe we shouldn't be getting married - but it was never about my relationship with DH, it was me missing being single and "having fun." I put that in quotation marks because, really, being with him is so much more fun than being single ever was, but for some reason I forget that every now and then. Our engagement year was also a very stressful one for non-wedding related issues: I was finishing my PhD and looking for a job, once I got a job we knew we would have to move a month after the wedding to a brand new city, DH was really stressed at work, my family situation was really stressful and emotional, etc.

The way I see it now, I was thinking "man it would be great to be single" so that I wouldn't have to worry about how my career path was going to change things for DH - I could just worry about myself. I am SO glad I never voiced any of these thoughts aloud (neither to DH nor to my friends). We've been married 2 1/2 months now, have completed the move, started our new jobs, and things are really great between us. He's my best friend - I just had a few panicked thoughts due to stress.

Rebl90 · September 2013

We never have (or should I say, haven't yet), but I was a MOH years ago for my then-best friend who was 20, pregnant, and terribly unhappy. If anyone ever has serious doubts, just postpone! Brides should be joyful and excited, not screaming at the groom or crying the entire day of because they're too young/scared/doubtful.

[Deleted User] · September 2013

My ring is currently stuck on my hand (it was tight to begin with but I gained some weight, now it's stuck til I lose a few). I guess FI and I have a sort of sick sense of humor, as one of our jokes/ice breakers when we get agitated is that we'd call off the wedding, if only the ring wasn't stuck on my hand. That breaks the tension and then we'll start talking reasonably again.

WinstonsGirl · September 2013

We never had doubts, and we were super excited for our wedding, so we're No's across the board. We are each other's first and only long term relationship though, so maybe we both just knew since we didn't hate each other after 2 months of dating??

fre3doms · September 2013

We have never talked about not getting married. We both knew at the end of our first date that we wanted to get married someday. And we are each others only relationship.

ShesSoCold · September 2013

We're talking about calling it off like, now. His mom is BSC and doesn't like the guest list and says she's not coming. She is the only reason we didn't elope last year. This has caused us to fight (among other things) and last night I finally asked him if he even wanted to do this. He said he did and we're working on some thing. Mainly money and MIL management.

MuppetOverlord · September 2013

Yes. In December, his mother wanted to move in with us indefinitely because she made a series of bad decisions that we advised her against and didn't want to deal with the consequences.

We were on the same page, but she's incredibly manipulative and he started to get defensive of her and wasn't supporting me or the decisions we made together.

I said, "You need to support me as the wife you asked me to be, and support the decisions we make together. Otherwise, you can go move in with your mother and solve all her problems. I won't think twice about ending this"

wrigleyville · September 2013

We postponed since some things came up and I wanted to go to counseling to make sure FI got help with some issues. I told him I couldn't marry him and live that way for the rest of my life and that I was worried about him. He complied, and things have been better than ever for the past year and a half, so we rescheduled.

I feel like I've been waiting *forever* to get married, but it's worth it to know he's happy and healthy (and, in turn, I'm much happier). Plus, it gave us a little extra time to plan and save. We moved to Chicago during all of that, so we scaled back big time.

Bubbles2014 · September 2013

When we argue I threaten to 'pre divorce' him and because that is ridiculous it lightens the mood.

I've occasionally thought that I'm too young (24) and haven't traveled enough, and do I really want to take on a part time 2 year old and his odd family. But at the end of the day I love him, and we are crazy about each other, so I push those small worries aside and focus on all the good stuff instead

Spinoff - did you and FI ever talk about calling off your wedding?

Re: Spinoff - did you and FI ever talk about calling off your wedding?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards