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My very first FB friend etiquette screw-up

jenajjthrjenajjthr member
Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So, I enjoy reading the posts about other people's FB rants/irks/WTH?.  Since I'm close to my 40's most of my high school friends on Facebook friends are already married.  Found out through FB that one of my "friends" (more like we casually knew each other in high school and friended each other because we went to the same school) is getting married this Saturday.  Saw her posts on getting her dress, countdown, etc.  Nothing major, not every day, and nothing too off putting.  I didn't get offended that she posted to everybody when obviously everybody wasn't invited, but I did side-eye it a lot.  Ignored most of it until Monday.  She posted how she totally forgot to add on the invitations that it was a BYOB.  Oh and she needed to inform the new side of the family...no mooching.

I was just....huh?
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Re: My very first FB friend etiquette screw-up

  • misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Super tacky. Other than changing my relationship to engaged, I've posted not one wedding status. I''m a little overboard about it, but I just think most people don't really care and I choose to not share basically anything on facebook. 
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  • WonderRedWonderRed member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I don't side eye anyone posting here and there about being excited about a wedding on FB at all.  I do however give a major side eye to assuming that all of your guests pay enough attention to you on FB to see that.  And I give a major face palm, WTF?!  to anyone throwing a BYOB reception in the first place.
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  • justmekimmiejustmekimmie
    10 Comments Name Dropper
    yikes --- I just realized that this is a good thing to keep in mind. I usually don't post much wedding related things on my fb although I did post about finding my dress! I'll have to keep that in mind for further wedding related posts (maybe even steal @alisonmarie658 's idea about making a separate group!) because my wedding will be really really small and I don't want to make other friends upset with all the wedding prep stuff! 

    But that BYOB announcement would be over the top in any situation!
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  • MDbride1012MDbride1012 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
      The only thing I have done on FB is private message people in the attempt to get addresses for our Save The Dates.
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  • Bubbles2014Bubbles2014 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    The only wedding thing I post is a count down once a month. Yes it's probably annoying but I figured that once a month won't kill anyone.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • ElcaBElcaB member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I try not to be the person who in incapable of posting anything that isn't wedding-related. It's hard sometimes because I want to share my excitement, but I know it's incredibly annoying to other people when they scroll through their newsfeeds and see "ElcaB at 9:26 a.m.: So excited to marry FI!" "ElcaB at 2:12 p.m.: We finally picked our wedding colors!" "ElcaB at 5:49 p.m.: Pinned 29 items to her Wedding Bells board." Etc. So far, we've been engaged for nine months and I've only shared two wedding-related statuses: our engagement, and excitement about setting the date. 
    image
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  • misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Schatzi13 said:
    While we were engaged, an acquaintance told me that he thought the engagement was a secret. (What?) I believe he decided this because it wasn't all over FB.
    I feel like people will say the same thing about our wedding, since I've literally posted nothing. My college friends (who I don't stay in touch with) will flip out when the pictures surface. 
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  • fre3domsfre3doms member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I've been trying to limit my posting as well. Posted some about the engagement, and when I found my dress on Tuesday. My family posts occasionally. But I limit telling the date to people in private messages.

    It was funny cause my dad posted a picture from the wedding dress shopping. People were all like "Is that your dress? Is he (fiance) on Facebook?" I explained that it was just a similar style. My sister and dad wanted to post the picture cause I was making a face.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • harper0813harper0813 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    I don't side-eye the occasional post as long as they're not addressing wedding guests. I made a post today saying "Down to single digits." I don't explicitly say the word wedding.

    Honestly, it's a social media and it's hard to keep wedding off of there. So I really don't mind. But if a bride or groom are asking their guests to RSVP on time or reminding people of the ceremony start time, I find that completely inappropriate.
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  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    misssunshine17 said:
    Schatzi13 said:
    While we were engaged, an acquaintance told me that he thought the engagement was a secret. (What?) I believe he decided this because it wasn't all over FB.
    I feel like people will say the same thing about our wedding, since I've literally posted nothing. My college friends (who I don't stay in touch with) will flip out when the pictures surface. 

    People said this about my wedding/engagement, too, and the rumor mill has now started that our pregnancy "wasn't planned" because we haven't announced it on FB or posted ultrasound  or bump pictures.

    Sad, really.


     

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  • MuppetOverlordMuppetOverlord member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I got my first one last week - a friend posted to say she's only gotten half of her invites back (her rsvp date is next week) and that people need to get them in.  When people responded saying they didn't get theirs, she "liked" their comment in acknowledgement. For one person, she told him (a 38 or 39 year old, married adult) that she sent it to his mother and he should RSVP to her.
    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
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  • yellowdaisies84yellowdaisies84 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    I also have a 'wedding list' on Facebook so I was able to post things like- "Save the dates are out! Coming soon to a mailbox near you" without being a huge jerkface. But I have posted to EVERYONE sometimes to mention the wedding. ie: 1 month to go! I didn't limit that to just wedding guests. *shrug* I've talked to some friends of mine about annoying wedding Facebooking, and they felt like I was over-thinking it. 
    "It's always better when we're together." -Jack Johnson
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  • WonderRedWonderRed member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited August 2013
    So just today I discovered that one of my college friends, who is now absolutely CRRRRRAZY!, is engaged too.  I've had her set up so she doesn't show up in my news feed because she's just such a train wreck now.  She has every. single. freaking. detail. of her wedding planning posted on her FB page asking for help and opinions.  Like down to questions about how she can't decided which flower girl hair wreath she likes better, voting on menu choices, everything.

    I was in her first wedding in 2000 and the night before she freaked out and cried hysterically in the bathroom after the rehearsal dinner for over an hour because she didn't want to marry him.  But then she did anyway.  Their train wreck divorce was all over FB also.   That was just finalized within this last year.

    OY!
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I definitely agree with the idea of creating a special friends list of wedding guests. I think after 8 years of getting annoyed with social media over share that more of us are shying away for fear of being annoying as well. I'm still a year out from my wedding and felt weird for sending my bridesmaids one email about dress ideas!
    At least we have these boards, right? :)
    ________________________________


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  • BMoreBride6BMoreBride6 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    unfriend.
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  • Stan721Stan721 member
    10 Comments
    I know one person who keeps posting about sending in RSVPs. I'm not close with her, so I mostly just ignore them, but it's getting a little annoying and she's clearly getting increasingly frazzled that people aren't sending them in. 

    Unrelated to that, I'm fairly certain that none of my older family members nor their friends really understand the difference between the various places and ways you can post things on FB. One of my mom's cousins wrote a comment on my profile picture saying she'd seen the photos I sent my mom of me in my dress (tried it on while she was in town, bought it after she left) and how lovely it was, how elegant and simple the dress was, etc. A lovely sentiment, and I don't mind that she saw the photos cause she won't be at the wedding, but it was totally the wrong place for that. I was able to get the comment down very shortly after it went up and explain why (which she was fine with), but I'm still shaking my head over that.

    So, lesson learned - always tell people when you don't want something to wind up online! We did that with our engagement, and apparently I needed to send out that caveat with the dress pictures.
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  • arrippaarrippa member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    WonderRed said:
    So just today I discovered that one of my college friends, who is now absolutely CRRRRRAZY!, is engaged too.  I've had her set up so she doesn't show up in my news feed because she's just such a train wreck now.  She has every. single. freaking. detail. of her wedding planning posted on her FB page asking for help and opinions.  Like down to questions about how she can't decided which flower girl hair wreath she likes better, voting on menu choices, everything.

    I was in her first wedding in 2000 and the night before she freaked out and cried hysterically in the bathroom after the rehearsal dinner for over an hour because she didn't want to marry him.  But then she did anyway.  Their train wreck divorce was all over FB also.   That was just finalized within this last year.

    OY!
    How do you do that? I have a few "friends" that I woud like to hide fron my feed.
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  • fre3domsfre3doms member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    If I remember correctly you hover over to the side of a post and click the arrow. Then you can hide that particular post and there is an option to hide all from "Jane Doe." I have a couple people who I have hid most of their stuff.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • cowgirl8238cowgirl8238 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer

    A friend of mine got married last year, in September and did a daily countdown of when the RSVP's were due...for A MONTH!!!!!!! Not only did she post it but so did her FI and they *jokingly* threatened people that "if you don't get them in [they] will come to your house and beat you up" then added an  "lol" for good measure!  Let me just say that I was very annoyed by this...and I wasn't the only one!  Many of our friends and family would talk behind their backs about how rude it was.

    My lesson? I haven't posted anything about my wedding to FB.  If you want to know about it, you can ask me and I will happily share the details with you (in person, on the phone, in a PRIVATE setting).  FB is not the place to broadcast your entire wedding!  Especially if your not inviting everyone your "friends" with.

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