Courthouse now, vow renewal ceremony later?

Re: Courthouse now, vow renewal ceremony later?

• wittykitty14 member

  

  July 2013

  Since it sounds like the only reason you're considering marriage right now is because of your family, I'd be tempted to tell them to shove it.  However, I too have issues with judgmental family, and as difficult as they can be, I don't want to upset them either.  But it sounds like you are a-ok with waiting to get married, and that this is their issue.  If they decide to cut you out of your life if you live together first, then that's NOT your fault, it's theirs.

  
  

  PPs have given great advice on what your options are.  You just have to decide what is best for you and your FI, as well as your relationship with your family.  As an aside, I have a music degree as well, so I totally get your job frustrations.  If you have a job opportunity in your field, take it!  Even if it means moving.

  
  

  Anyway, whatever you do, don't let your family try to bully you into getting married right now.  Make sure whatever you decide, it feels right to you.  I wish you the best of luck!

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• Jen4948 member

  

  July 2013

  BKJB0406 said:

  Background:

  My fiancé and I have been together 5.5 years, got engaged our senior year in college hoping to get jobs after graduation in December 2012 and get married that spring (June 2013). We couldn't start officially planning our wedding till at least one of us getting a full time position. Well VERY long story short we pushed it back to October when it became clear after graduation our job prospects were worse then we thought, and once again are having to delay it because we are still both unemployed (we are both NY certified music teachers, a miserable field. I've applied for over 90 jobs). We both are working two part-time jobs (substitute teaching when schools in session and another evening job) but neither one of us are earning enough to move out of our parents house. Both our families are SUPER conservative and we cannot move in together without getting completely cut off and disowned for our "immoral behavior". 

  I MAY have found work 12 + hours away in NC and the only way for us to move together without severing all ties with our families is to get married NOW (in three weeks), and we wouldn't have time or money for a honeymoon. I wouldn't mind moving in together for a year and having the wedding next spring, but my family is important to me and I don't want to be cut out, nor do we want to be separated for a full year. I've always dreamed of my big wedding and the honeymoon and the thought of doing a courthouse wedding then having a renewal ceremony with all the bells and whistles after (maybe June 2014) doesn't sit well with me. 

  
  

  Any one else had a situation similar to this (for whatever reason)? 

  It doesn't sit well with Knotties either.  So if it's important to you to have your family there and a fancier wedding than you would have at the courthouse, I'd wait until you and your FI can afford it.
  

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• alicialeanne member

  

  August 2013

  Most knotties are just being judgmental about it. My man and I did that & our ceremony is in about 2 weeks. We are basically doing a vow renewal and EVERYONE who is attending knows our situation and supports us. If your family doesnt then thats too bad for them. My mother doesnt agree but thats not stopping me from the most amazing day of my life. 

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  August 2013

  What about big wedding feel/small wedding budget. You can stil have church wedding, the dress the flowers, but instead of having a big guest list, just immediate family & best friends. You can skip the bridal party, favors, flower girls, etc. That aren't required. Or if you want to have more people there, what about a punch & cake reception?

  Basically what it comes down to is what is more important, the big party or waiting and roughing it being away from your FI for a while

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• button6004 member

  

  August 2013

  alicialeanne said:

  Most knotties are just being judgmental about it. My man and I did that & our ceremony is in about 2 weeks. We are basically doing a vow renewal and EVERYONE who is attending knows our situation and supports us. If your family doesnt then thats too bad for them. My mother doesnt agree but thats not stopping me from the most amazing day of my life. 

  But why would you intentionally do something that your family and friends don't agree with?
  
  It's not about judgment for me. I don't get vow renewals a year after your wedding. I don't get not being satisfied with being married to your partner at a courthouse. No one is entitled to a big fancy princess day.
  

   

  

   

   

   

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