Plus 1s and Age

clg1213 · August 2013

I'm down with the general idea of inviting the SO of anyone who is in a relationship. However, is there some sort of minimum age for the rule? I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have to invite a high school kid's BF/GF....especially since there's a decent chance they'd split up between STDs/invites and the event. What about college-aged (in college or not....does that matter?) nieces/nephews? Do they get +1 for their SO? They do know other folks since they are all family (in my case).

When does the rule "kick-in"???

KDM323 · August 2013

Personally, I consider anyone under the age of 18/not yet a high school graduate as a "kid"...therefore they would be included on their parents' invitation/not be granted a +1.

Any adult - whether they live at home with their parents, at college, or on their own - should receive their own invitation and should be invited with their partner if they are in a relationship.

tammym1001 · August 2013

I think if they're invited on their parent's invitation then they don't get to bring anyone with them. They're being invited as part of a family not as a separate social unit.

KeptInStitches · August 2013

I think that anyone over 18 should be invited with their SO.

APDSS22 · August 2013

I went with 18. I figure if you can be drafted into the military and vote...you're probably mature enough to figure out whether or not you're in a relationship. Since that's when you get your own invite, it just made sense to me.

ashleyep · August 2013

If you're young enough to still be on your parent's invitation, I don't think you need to bring your boyfriend or girlfriend.

Simply Fated · August 2013

I'm in the 18 and over crowd.

OliveOilsMom · August 2013

tammym1001 said:

I think if they're invited on their parent's invitation then they don't get to bring anyone with them. They're being invited as part of a family not as a separate social unit.

But with this thinking a 40 year old person living at home with their parent could be invited without their SO. Anyone over 18 should get their own invitation and have their SO invited, by name, if they have one.

smalfrie19 · August 2013

I am in the 18+ crowd..but I am not inviting that many teenagers anyways. I have a cousin who will be 17 at the time of my wedding and if she is still with her BF she has now (they are SUPER CUTE together!! squee) then I will say bring him

tammym1001 · August 2013

OliveOilsMom said:

tammym1001 said:

I think if they're invited on their parent's invitation then they don't get to bring anyone with them. They're being invited as part of a family not as a separate social unit.
But with this thinking a 40 year old person living at home with their parent could be invited without their SO. Anyone over 18 should get their own invitation and have their SO invited, by name, if they have one.

Well anyone who is over 18 should get their own invitation even if they still live at home with their parents so that 40 year old should get their own invite and should then be considered a separate social unit from their parents.

phira · August 2013

18 and up is a good rule in general, since people that young are nearly always invited as part of a family social unit.

We're going to say 18+ can bring their significant other if they have one. If we have anyone under 18 with a significant other, we'll likely see HOW many of these minors have SOs, and then decide if we invite all the SOs or stick to 18+. So if it's just one 17-year-old with a boyfriend or girlfriend, then sure, but if it's like ... 10 teens and some of them have SOs and some don't, then maybe no significant others.

yellowdaisies84 · August 2013

This is just my personal opinion but I wouldn't have an age cut-off. If your 15 year old cousin has a girlfriend, I'd invite her to join him just like they were adults. I was just remembering that my high school boyfriend and I were 16 at our first wedding and it was so nice to be treated like adults and able to attend together. We were young but serious. If you're inviting any high schoolers I would find out if they are in a relationship and extend them an invite. If the high schoolers are not in a relationship then I would not give them a plus-one since they are coming with their families they don't need a date. Again, just my personal opinion. It's totally up to you though!

Oh! And also! I wouldn't tell the high school kids they can bring their GF/BF as early as when the Save-the-dates go out. I would do that closer to the invitation time, just before you address invites because for sure, break-ups are more likely with this age group over a long period of time. Their relationship status could definitely change, or they could be in a different relationship now.

OliveOilsMom · August 2013

tammym1001 said:

OliveOilsMom said:

tammym1001 said:

I think if they're invited on their parent's invitation then they don't get to bring anyone with them. They're being invited as part of a family not as a separate social unit.
But with this thinking a 40 year old person living at home with their parent could be invited without their SO. Anyone over 18 should get their own invitation and have their SO invited, by name, if they have one.
Well anyone who is over 18 should get their own invitation even if they still live at home with their parents so that 40 year old should get their own invite and should then be considered a separate social unit from their parents.

I agree, it was just the way your worded it, to me, made it seem like anyone living at home could be invited on their parents invite and that they were a social unit since they still lived at home.

clg1213 · August 2013

Thanks for the input!

I think we have more in the college range than HS. I honestly planned on putting them on a family invite...I know that I'd be on the wrong side of the etiquette rule there, although I also know I would be far from alone on that one. I hadn't considered how the SO issue might factor in and see how it is a point in favor of the rule (in addition to the point for being in keeping with the etiquette rules!).

I'll have to give it more thought. I've got a bit of time till the invites but am in the process of addressing the STDs. I think I'll keep the STDs as family units and not include the SOs given the time issue (i.e. wouldn't want to open it to a random guest if there isn't a relationship by the wedding date). But will absolutely keep the 18+ consensus in mind for the invites and in my headcount estimates.

tammym1001 · August 2013

OliveOilsMom said:

tammym1001 said:

OliveOilsMom said:

tammym1001 said:

I think if they're invited on their parent's invitation then they don't get to bring anyone with them. They're being invited as part of a family not as a separate social unit.
But with this thinking a 40 year old person living at home with their parent could be invited without their SO. Anyone over 18 should get their own invitation and have their SO invited, by name, if they have one.
Well anyone who is over 18 should get their own invitation even if they still live at home with their parents so that 40 year old should get their own invite and should then be considered a separate social unit from their parents.
I agree, it was just the way your worded it, to me, made it seem like anyone living at home could be invited on their parents invite and that they were a social unit since they still lived at home.

Yeah I realized after I responded that we were both saying the same thing and I didn't word mine very well.

Teddy917 · August 2013

yellowdaisies84 said:
This is just my personal opinion but I wouldn't have an age cut-off. If your 15 year old cousin has a girlfriend, I'd invite her to join him just like they were adults. I was just remembering that my high school boyfriend and I were 16 at our first wedding and it was so nice to be treated like adults and able to attend together. We were young but serious. If you're inviting any high schoolers I would find out if they are in a relationship and extend them an invite. If the high schoolers are not in a relationship then I would not give them a plus-one since they are coming with their families they don't need a date. Again, just my personal opinion. It's totally up to you though!

Oh! And also! I wouldn't tell the high school kids they can bring their GF/BF as early as when the Save-the-dates go out. I would do that closer to the invitation time, just before you address invites because for sure, break-ups are more likely with this age group over a long period of time. Their relationship status could definitely change, or they could be in a different relationship now.

But if you don't have an age cut-off, a nine year old could bring her boyfriend (there was a thread a long time ago about a little girl wanting to bring her boyfriend). Even if you want to allow high-schoolers to bring someone there should be a cut off. Unless you're fine with children bringing "boyfriends/girlfriends".

snoopycac · August 2013

Put me with the 18+ crowd. However my sisters are both in high school and I am letting them each bring a friend. Whether that is a gal pal or a boyfriend I don't really care. I told them not to invite anyone however until the invitations come out.

Simply Fated · August 2013

Teddy917 said:

yellowdaisies84 said:
This is just my personal opinion but I wouldn't have an age cut-off. If your 15 year old cousin has a girlfriend, I'd invite her to join him just like they were adults. I was just remembering that my high school boyfriend and I were 16 at our first wedding and it was so nice to be treated like adults and able to attend together. We were young but serious. If you're inviting any high schoolers I would find out if they are in a relationship and extend them an invite. If the high schoolers are not in a relationship then I would not give them a plus-one since they are coming with their families they don't need a date. Again, just my personal opinion. It's totally up to you though!

Oh! And also! I wouldn't tell the high school kids they can bring their GF/BF as early as when the Save-the-dates go out. I would do that closer to the invitation time, just before you address invites because for sure, break-ups are more likely with this age group over a long period of time. Their relationship status could definitely change, or they could be in a different relationship now.
But if you don't have an age cut-off, a nine year old could bring her boyfriend (there was a thread a long time ago about a little girl wanting to bring her boyfriend). Even if you want to allow high-schoolers to bring someone there should be a cut off. Unless you're fine with children bringing "boyfriends/girlfriends".

Indigo children need to be an exception!!!!1111 srsly.

icecreamS04 · August 2013

Do you think it's fine to let one of my cousins (21*) bring a date and don't let her brother (17*) bring a date/his gf? While she is single, he has been dating that girl for close to a year now and I feel kind of crappy about it...he's going to be the only one under 18 (except for a few 2-8 year olds) and doesn't know the 19/20 year olds on FIs side of the family

*at the time of the wedding

Chloeagh · August 2013

clg1213 said:

Thanks for the input!
I think we have more in the college range than HS. I honestly planned on putting them on a family invite...I know that I'd be on the wrong side of the etiquette rule there, although I also know I would be far from alone on that one. I hadn't considered how the SO issue might factor in and see how it is a point in favor of the rule (in addition to the point for being in keeping with the etiquette rules!).
I'll have to give it more thought. I've got a bit of time till the invites but am in the process of addressing the STDs. I think I'll keep the STDs as family units and not include the SOs given the time issue (i.e. wouldn't want to open it to a random guest if there isn't a relationship by the wedding date). But will absolutely keep the 18+ consensus in mind for the invites and in my headcount estimates.

Please don't put college students on a family invite. Send them their own. You know you're on the wrong side of etiquette, and as a college student, I HATE it when people do that. I was invited to two weddings last summer and didn't even see the invites nor was I given a choice of meal (my dad just picked for me). I don't live with my parents 9 months of the year, and when I come home, I don't even stay with my dad. I say this every time: ask the college student where they want their mail sent, and send them their own invite to that address. If anyone cared to ask me, I would say send it to school, not the address of someone I see less than once a month.

MobKaz · August 2013

icecreamS04 said:

Do you think it's fine to let one of my cousins (21*) bring a date and don't let her brother (17*) bring a date/his gf? While she is single, he has been dating that girl for close to a year now and I feel kind of crappy about it...he's going to be the only one under 18 (except for a few 2-8 year olds) and doesn't know the 19/20 year olds on FIs side of the family

*at the time of the wedding

This scenario is an example of where I think it's better to look at the big picture rather than age or "relationship".

We laid out our entire guest list from all three parties (bride, groom, B & G). After affording +1's to all single guests of B/G and those in known relationships, we looked again. We saw that 3 cousins, aged 17 and 19, and 20, were the only ones left without +1's. We allowed them +1's as well. It had nothing to do with their relationship status, but more to do with their ability to better enjoy themselves at the reception. If you have the luxury of flexible budget and space, I am just suggesting that there is a different point of view beyond relationship status, or age, to consider.

SingleMom31 · August 2013

Just throwing it out there, but I think part of it is up to the parents of the less than 18 year old. When I was in high school (or even in college), my parents would have planned for us to travel as a family of four, and wouldn't have let me bring someone, even if I had been invited with a +1. If it was local, maybe it would have worked, but there is no chance that they would have supported it with any amount of travel, especially if hotels were involved. Until I was self-sufficient and could afford to pay for my own hotel, wasn't taking a bf anywhere.

KeptInStitches · August 2013

@SingleMom31, I agree with you for high-school aged guests, but not necessarily for college age. The vast majority of people in college are over 18 and should not be included on a family invite anyway; therefore the family shouldn't be making travel arrangements for them.

kmmssg · August 2013

mobkaz said:

icecreamS04 said:

Do you think it's fine to let one of my cousins (21*) bring a date and don't let her brother (17*) bring a date/his gf? While she is single, he has been dating that girl for close to a year now and I feel kind of crappy about it...he's going to be the only one under 18 (except for a few 2-8 year olds) and doesn't know the 19/20 year olds on FIs side of the family

*at the time of the wedding

This scenario is an example of where I think it's better to look at the big picture rather than age or "relationship".

We laid out our entire guest list from all three parties (bride, groom, B & G). After affording +1's to all single guests of B/G and those in known relationships, we looked again. We saw that 3 cousins, aged 17 and 19, and 20, were the only ones left without +1's. We allowed them +1's as well. It had nothing to do with their relationship status, but more to do with their ability to better enjoy themselves at the reception. If you have the luxury of flexible budget and space, I am just suggesting that there is a different point of view beyond relationship status, or age, to consider.

@mobkaz - that was really thoughtful of you! DH's side of the family is pretty big and has a bazillion cousins of all ages. We have a lot of high school and under nieces and nephews and we have a blanket "NO +1" if they aren't 18/graduated high school. They come as a member of their family for the event sans Sugarbuns. If we only had 2 or 3 nieces or nephews like mobkaz's situation, I would probably afford them a +1 but our family is just way the heck too big for that!

crunchymamaof2 · September 2013

clg1213 said:

Thanks for the input!
I think we have more in the college range than HS. I honestly planned on putting them on a family invite...I know that I'd be on the wrong side of the etiquette rule there, although I also know I would be far from alone on that one. I hadn't considered how the SO issue might factor in and see how it is a point in favor of the rule (in addition to the point for being in keeping with the etiquette rules!).
I'll have to give it more thought. I've got a bit of time till the invites but am in the process of addressing the STDs. I think I'll keep the STDs as family units and not include the SOs given the time issue (i.e. wouldn't want to open it to a random guest if there isn't a relationship by the wedding date). But will absolutely keep the 18+ consensus in mind for the invites and in my headcount estimates.

When making your guest list I'd give all singles a plus one, just in case they end up in a relationship by the time invites go out. You don't have to address the STD like that or tell them, but it'll keep you from being surprised or going over budget/capacity if their situations change. See the recent thread about it.

As for the STDs, you absolutely should include SO's on them! SO's are not plus ones and their invites aren't transferable. So if they break up before the wedding they can't just choose someone new to bring unless you then allow them a plus one. You do not need to include "and guest" on STDs for truly single guests. Another way to avoid any confusion for you is to just send STDs to family and wedding party/VIP guests. Everyone doesn't need a STD.

The majority of our guests are in relationships. The best man's daughter is 17 (senior in high school) and we wer going to invite her with her best friend, who we also know. They had a falling out sadly so we told her parents she could bring whoever she wanted, as long as they approved. We sent her a seperate invite with "and guest". I'd stick to the 18 and over, regardless of where they live and handle teenagers on a case by case IMO

sovawanea · September 2013

Perhaps we didn't follow the exact etiquette rules, but we included all of the significant others we know about on the invites. And really, this is a majority of our guests. It did not seem important to manage number of spots reserved for each family and we did not have inner envelopes for environmental reasons (our wedding is at an audobon center and so to a certain extent, we felt good stewardship of environment and resources trumped being extremely formal and elaborate with the invites) and so it would have been weird to us to write and guest on the outer envelopes. Essentially, there were only two people- uncle of his and the other one is a family friend who went to college with his parents (and who visits almost every year, we actually see him more than the uncle!) who we thought would possibly want a plus one we didn't know about. We reached out to both by phone and the first is still undecided but can easily write in a name if he chooses to come and bring someone and the latter told fiance's mom he would like to bring his adult daughter and so we got her address to send her an invite of her own. I have a friend who basically never dates and my father who will not be bringing a plus one...we also have some relatives who have significant others who aren't going to be coming because of work or health issues. As long as we aren't lumping all the singletons at one table and being flexible with people who might want to bring someone, I figure we have done the best we can.

I feel like a plus one is needed when an event has a large number of people, like more than 150, and thus there is a good chance that there will be many people there that don't know each other and the potential for entire tables to be made up of people who have never or seldom met. In those situations, you really don't want to have a table of all singles or have friends from high school or college that just don't feel comfortable there. Kids under 18 are unlikely to be coming without their family and so they don't really need the adult buddy system to not be bored or feel lost if they aren't social butterflies. That said, if you have a younger relative who has been seriously dating the same person for a year or more and they have come to family holidays and other events, I think it makes sense to invite them. If someone had the gall to complain to me if that happened that they were not told in advance to plan to bring a random date when they aren't dating anyone we know of, I think I would just explain we are keeping it smaller and more intimate and that's why we chose to invite the people we know and have met. It doesn't seem much different to me than only inviting co-workers that we have socialized with outside of work. This means there are very few co-workers, but it seems a better policy than no coworkers at all or all of them, which could quickly eclipse the number of family or friends at a smaller event and really change the feel of it. I think if there is a reason you are comfortable with explaining to people, it should probably be fine. I think an arbitrary age cut off is going to be harder to explain and justify, in my opinion.

crunchymamaof2 · September 2013

sovawanea said:

Perhaps we didn't follow the exact etiquette rules, but we included all of the significant others we know about on the invites. And really, this is a majority of our guests. It did not seem important to manage number of spots reserved for each family and we did not have inner envelopes for environmental reasons (our wedding is at an audobon center and so to a certain extent, we felt good stewardship of environment and resources trumped being extremely formal and elaborate with the invites) and so it would have been weird to us to write and guest on the outer envelopes. Essentially, there were only two people- uncle of his and the other one is a family friend who went to college with his parents (and who visits almost every year, we actually see him more than the uncle!) who we thought would possibly want a plus one we didn't know about. We reached out to both by phone and the first is still undecided but can easily write in a name if he chooses to come and bring someone and the latter told fiance's mom he would like to bring his adult daughter and so we got her address to send her an invite of her own. I have a friend who basically never dates and my father who will not be bringing a plus one...we also have some relatives who have significant others who aren't going to be coming because of work or health issues. As long as we aren't lumping all the singletons at one table and being flexible with people who might want to bring someone, I figure we have done the best we can.

I feel like a plus one is needed when an event has a large number of people, like more than 150, and thus there is a good chance that there will be many people there that don't know each other and the potential for entire tables to be made up of people who have never or seldom met. In those situations, you really don't want to have a table of all singles or have friends from high school or college that just don't feel comfortable there. Kids under 18 are unlikely to be coming without their family and so they don't really need the adult buddy system to not be bored or feel lost if they aren't social butterflies. That said, if you have a younger relative who has been seriously dating the same person for a year or more and they have come to family holidays and other events, I think it makes sense to invite them. If someone had the gall to complain to me if that happened that they were not told in advance to plan to bring a random date when they aren't dating anyone we know of, I think I would just explain we are keeping it smaller and more intimate and that's why we chose to invite the people we know and have met. It doesn't seem much different to me than only inviting co-workers that we have socialized with outside of work. This means there are very few co-workers, but it seems a better policy than no coworkers at all or all of them, which could quickly eclipse the number of family or friends at a smaller event and really change the feel of it. I think if there is a reason you are comfortable with explaining to people, it should probably be fine. I think an arbitrary age cut off is going to be harder to explain and justify, in my opinion.

A lot of this was confusing for me. SO's are not plus ones. Plus ones are guests that truly single people can bring with them. They are not one in the same.

1st Bolded: This is correct

2. If these two people aren't in relationships then you don't have to give them a plus one. If you don't mind them bringing a date then yes, it should say "and guest" on their envelope or put their guests' names if you are able to find that info out ahead of time. If you don't put "and guest" how are they supposed to fill in a name? They won't know they can bring someone. If they end up in a relationship before the wedding, then that person needs to be inviting WITH the uncle or friend. Also, you don't send separate invitations to someone's SO or guest. His daughter should have been on his invitation, unless she would have been invited on her own regardless of him bringing her, which doesn't appear the case here.

3. Plus ones are never mandatory but are a very nice gesture if you can afford it. Number of guests doesn't really have an effect on if plus ones should be included or not. You either let them or you don't?

4. No one should complain to you about not being given a plus one because that would be very rude. If they are dating someone, again, that person needs to be invited by name. But you don't have to give them a plus one. So there should be nothing to explain.

clg1213 · September 2013

acove2006 said:
As for the STDs, you absolutely should include SO's on them! SO's are not plus ones and their invites aren't transferable. So if they break up before the wedding they can't just choose someone new to bring unless you then allow them a plus one. You do not need to include "and guest" on STDs for truly single guests. Another way to avoid any confusion for you is to just send STDs to family and wedding party/VIP guests. Everyone doesn't need a STD.

I GOT OUT! Sorry....stuck in the quote box for only the second time but thankfully figured out how to get unstuck.

The adults with SOs certainly got STDs with the SO's name. The college kids (who are all FI's family....total of 10 nieces/nephews) are on STDs that were sent to a full family/household unit. The only SOs on those were the Mom & Dad (we do not have the issue of older post-college, post-initial-launch folks...and I was one of those who had to return for a bit so I get the sensitivity needed there!)

when time comes, I will think more about the invites going directly to those18+, even if i'd call them "based at home for family purposes" (vs totally individual things like a birthday card).

Thanks again for all the help. I appreciate all the opinions from BOTH Es....Etiquette and Experience

sovawanea · September 2013

acove2006 said:

sovawanea said:

Perhaps we didn't follow the exact etiquette rules, but we included all of the significant others we know about on the invites. And really, this is a majority of our guests. It did not seem important to manage number of spots reserved for each family and we did not have inner envelopes for environmental reasons (our wedding is at an audobon center and so to a certain extent, we felt good stewardship of environment and resources trumped being extremely formal and elaborate with the invites) and so it would have been weird to us to write and guest on the outer envelopes. Essentially, there were only two people- uncle of his and the other one is a family friend who went to college with his parents (and who visits almost every year, we actually see him more than the uncle!) who we thought would possibly want a plus one we didn't know about. We reached out to both by phone and the first is still undecided but can easily write in a name if he chooses to come and bring someone and the latter told fiance's mom he would like to bring his adult daughter and so we got her address to send her an invite of her own. I have a friend who basically never dates and my father who will not be bringing a plus one...we also have some relatives who have significant others who aren't going to be coming because of work or health issues. As long as we aren't lumping all the singletons at one table and being flexible with people who might want to bring someone, I figure we have done the best we can.

I feel like a plus one is needed when an event has a large number of people, like more than 150, and thus there is a good chance that there will be many people there that don't know each other and the potential for entire tables to be made up of people who have never or seldom met. In those situations, you really don't want to have a table of all singles or have friends from high school or college that just don't feel comfortable there. Kids under 18 are unlikely to be coming without their family and so they don't really need the adult buddy system to not be bored or feel lost if they aren't social butterflies. That said, if you have a younger relative who has been seriously dating the same person for a year or more and they have come to family holidays and other events, I think it makes sense to invite them. If someone had the gall to complain to me if that happened that they were not told in advance to plan to bring a random date when they aren't dating anyone we know of, I think I would just explain we are keeping it smaller and more intimate and that's why we chose to invite the people we know and have met. It doesn't seem much different to me than only inviting co-workers that we have socialized with outside of work. This means there are very few co-workers, but it seems a better policy than no coworkers at all or all of them, which could quickly eclipse the number of family or friends at a smaller event and really change the feel of it. I think if there is a reason you are comfortable with explaining to people, it should probably be fine. I think an arbitrary age cut off is going to be harder to explain and justify, in my opinion.

A lot of this was confusing for me. SO's are not plus ones. Plus ones are guests that truly single people can bring with them. They are not one in the same.
1st Bolded: This is correct
2. If these two people aren't in relationships then you don't have to give them a plus one. If you don't mind them bringing a date then yes, it should say "and guest" on their envelope or put their guests' names if you are able to find that info out ahead of time. If you don't put "and guest" how are they supposed to fill in a name? They won't know they can bring someone. If they end up in a relationship before the wedding, then that person needs to be inviting WITH the uncle or friend. Also, you don't send separate invitations to someone's SO or guest. His daughter should have been on his invitation, unless she would have been invited on her own regardless of him bringing her, which doesn't appear the case here.
3. Plus ones are never mandatory but are a very nice gesture if you can afford it. Number of guests doesn't really have an effect on if plus ones should be included or not. You either let them or you don't?
4. No one should complain to you about not being given a plus one because that would be very rude. If they are dating someone, again, that person needs to be invited by name. But you don't have to give them a plus one. So there should be nothing to explain.

The highlighted portion is the way I felt about it initially. I guess what makes it awkward is that no one ever really knows if the uncle is in a relationship and he lives across the country from everyone and is not always on great speaking terms with fiance's parents. Fiance's mom was concerned it would effect their decisions to come when we explained we just weren't doing any plus ones. She did suggest putting and guest on an inner envelope, but we didn't have an inner envelope. Perhaps it would have been okay to put it on the main envelope, but we just didn't know. We did the best we could with the information we had at the time and if preserving family peace means etiquette was breached, there is not much that can be done about it now. The daughter getting an invite on her own IS something we would not have batted an eye about if his mother had included her when we asked who to invite. I don't see this as different than sending an adult child their own invite even if they live with the parents. They may still choose to attend with their parents, but they don't have to. She may be attending with her father, but she does not live with him and being able to see the actual invitation instead of having everything filtered through her dad could be helpful. We had the extra invites and it seemed like a good solution. The uncle knows he can fill in a name because we have told him he can.

And I did not mean to imply that I think plus ones are mandatory, more that I think they need to be a consideration with a higher priority for a larger event. If I am one of 300 wedding guests and I don't know anybody else than the bride or the groom, I am not going to hang around much at that wedding unless I have a plus one and I might decline altogether if it is not on the invitation. It honestly did not occur to me that a family member or close family friend attending a wedding of 60-80 people who will have an entire branch of family or their usual social circle there that day would think of doing the same thing.

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