just found out an ex got engaged

3ringnecklace · July 2013

I am not engaged yet but I will be soon. We have picked out a ring and now I'm just waiting for him to propose. Should be any day now....

In the meantime, I just found out (none of my friends told me and I unfriended him on facebook) that my ex got engaged. What is curious about this is: 1) it happened 18 months after we broke up, and 2) he said he never wanted to get married. It was a long distance relationship, so I suspect that maybe he was seeing her before we broke up, but I have no evidence. No matter; it is what it is. I'm very glad I did not marry him because he wasn't much of a man. I just find it very shocking. And I feel very bad for that poor poor girl.

Has anyone else been in this situation? What was your reaction when you found out? (sorry if this is a replica of an-already-established-thread)

[Deleted User] · July 2013

yes. I dated a guy for 3 years, we broke up. he started dating a woman 15-20 years older than him and was married within a year. it sucked and I was super hurt, especially since I hadn't started dating again. it was 2-2.5 years after our break-up before I dated anyone. it was a really bad break-up, and it really fed my insecurities. he now has a kid with her and as far as I know they are still married.

but, I ended up married to man who is much better to me and for me.

GoldenPenguin · July 2013

CocoBellaF said:

yes. I dated a guy for 3 years, we broke up. he started dating a woman 15-20 years older than him and was married within a year. it sucked and I was super hurt, especially since I hadn't started dating again. it was 2-2.5 years after our break-up before I dated anyone. it was a really bad break-up, and it really fed my insecurities. he now has a kid with her and as far as I know they are still married.

but, I ended up married to man who is much better to me and for me.

Yup.

My ex just got married a couple of weekends ago. We broke up for good last June, he started dating her in July, they were engaged in September, and just got married. He just turned 31, she is 46, and has a 15-year-old son.

I am more than happy in my current relationship - I know that my BF is absolutely the one for me, and he is SO.MUCH.BETTER for me than my ex. However, it still stung a little bit knowing that my ex was getting married. After talking to my BF about it though (he easily figured out that something was up, and asked me to open up to him about it, which was AWESOME) I realized that I was only upset about the fact that ex is a douchecanoe and doesn't deserve to be happy. And now I'm over it.

[Deleted User] · July 2013

I really don't understand why you expected to be told or why you are upset. It sounds like you've both moved on. Why is it OK for you to be (almost) engaged 18 months after the break up, but not him? My advice would be to let the past stay in the past and enjoy the person in your life now. There's no reason to be fixated on what is going on in your ex's life.

3ringnecklace · July 2013

I'm not upset about it or hung up about it at all. I'm extremely happy with my current boyfriend (engaged or not). When we broke up, I told him outright, "If I'm not making you happy, then we shouldn't be together. You deserve to be happy like anyone else." I'm just shocked that he's engaged after he said he would never get married. And not too long after we broke up. Also, I didn't EXPECT to be told, just it would have been nice. But I don't blame anyone for not telling me. That can't be an easy thing. You're right- no one should get hung up about it. I was just curious about others reactions.

3ringnecklace · July 2013

. oops- it posted my reply 5 times! sorry- how do it delete a post? grrrr

3ringnecklace · July 2013

3ringnecklace · July 2013

buddysmom80 · July 2013

allusive007 said:

I really don't understand why you expected to be told or why you are upset. It sounds like you've both moved on. Why is it OK for you to be (almost) engaged 18 months after the break up, but not him? My advice would be to let the past stay in the past and enjoy the person in your life now. There's no reason to be fixated on what is going on in your ex's life.

All of this!

Also, when you break up with someone, they have every right to move on. It does suck, especially when the ex is adamant about not getting married and then ends up....maried. But you have to be the better person and move on and consider it a good thing that you broke up.

[Deleted User] · July 2013

my H told everyone for years that he would never get married. we were friends for a few years, dated briefly, broke up for about a year, got back together in the spring, official in May, engaged in October, and married in July. he swore up and down he didn't want a thing to do with marriage, but people change. and I sure am glad he changed his mind!

minskat30 · July 2013

Ha! I used to have a running joke with my friends that if a guy ever wanted to get married he should date me then break up with me because nearly every ex of mine found their wife after they dated me.

H, thankfully, thought I was a keeper (he too, however, said he would never get married...before he met me).

ShallowSeas · July 2013

I've had a similar situation, only it was my ex husband and he wasnt engaged, he knocked up the girl he started seeing when we were separated (hence the divorce) even though he said he never wanted kids...then i found out he did it on purpose. Even thought I am 100% happy with my current relationship and SO glad to be out of that marriage, finding that out was like a knife in the chest. I think thats a normal reaction. You spend so much time and invest so much time and love into a person, it makes sense that there would be some sort of emotion there.

[Deleted User] · July 2013

My ex and I broke up in September 2009. He met his future wife that October. I met my fiance that November. He and his wife married last November, 10 days shy of our wedding date. I felt more relief when I heard he had gotten married. We made no sense as a couple and I'm happy he found someone.

radleyboo · July 2013

My exH and I split in August of 2009. I moved out of our old house in September of 2010, and he and his fiancee moved in the next day. Yup. I was still paying for that house, and she was living there. And honestly? I didn't care. My first marriage was a bad one, a REALLY bad one, and I was just so happy to be free and rid of him that it didn't bug me in the least that she was there and he'd moved on. Good riddance in my mind.

I didn't start dating H until 2011, and we just married in June, even though we've known each other since 1989. Timing and circumstances are different for everyone. Be happy that you've both moved on, if you see him or her, wish them the best. You'll feel good for having taken the high road.

phira · July 2013

Eh, I always get irritated when I find out that an ex is dating someone. It's human nature, I think, and as long as you don't DO anything about it, it's okay to feel annoyed or sad.

A lot of people will say things like, "I just don't see myself getting married," or, "I'm not ready for a commitment right now," when they really just mean, "I don't want to be with you." It's not that they're lying; they're often just trying to avoid hurting you. Or they're not really sure how to explain why they don't want to be together, and that's the reason they end up giving. I was kind of fortunate, in that my break-ups were always just, "This relationship is making us both miserable, and we don't enjoy spending time together."

Pepper6 · July 2013

minskat30 said:

Ha! I used to have a running joke with my friends that if a guy ever wanted to get married he should date me then break up with me because nearly every ex of mine found their wife after they dated me. H, thankfully, thought I was a keeper (he too, however, said he would never get married...before he met me).

This is apparently what my ex told one of my friends when he ran into him not too long ago. Apparently every one of his GFs got married to their next serious relationship after him. Granted, sometimes it's not till years later, like me (I was his first GF), but it's still pretty funny.

a13049 · July 2013

I just recently saw my ex, he is a coach at the college I went to and my cousin just signed on a scholarship to play for him. I haven't talked to him in about 5 years but we ended on friendly terms. He told me he was planning on proposing to his girlfriend, I thought it was weird he told me that but didn't give it any thought after that. We broke up for a reason, good or bad. I am so super happy now, I love my job my bf my daughter our beautiful home in the suburbs. I would have none of that if we stayed together. I said my whole life getting married wasn't important to me, it was "an expensive piece of paper." Find the right one and it changes you. If you are ready to be engaged at 18 months, why can't he be?

loves2shop4shoes · July 2013

I think if my most significant ex got engaged/married, I'd be happy for him. Then again, we broke up 7 years ago...

libby2483 · July 2013

My only truly significant ex is in the process of becoming a Catholic priest...so I don't think I need to worry about him getting engaged any time soon

minskat30 · July 2013

Pepper6 said:

minskat30 said:

Ha! I used to have a running joke with my friends that if a guy ever wanted to get married he should date me then break up with me because nearly every ex of mine found their wife after they dated me. H, thankfully, thought I was a keeper (he too, however, said he would never get married...before he met me).
This is apparently what my ex told one of my friends when he ran into him not too long ago. Apparently every one of his GFs got married to their next serious relationship after him. Granted, sometimes it's not till years later, like me (I was his first GF), but it's still pretty funny.

It is pretty funny...I thought about putting out an ad in Craigslist for moms who wanted their sons to get married.

cwop0123 · July 2013

I dated a man for 6 years who had been married and divorced prior to dating me. He swore he would NEVER get remarried or have children. I thought I could change him. Took 6 years of wasted time before I realized I couldn't. 2 years after our break up he remarried and is now trying to have a child. If it weren't for our break up I would never have met my amazing BF that I have now, but it was extremely hard seeing him move on so quickly and do the exact things he swore he'd never do. It's human nature for that to upset you. I know it upset me quite a bit.

3ringnecklace · July 2013

Thank you everyone for your sympathies. I have totally moved on. I am very grateful that I did not marry that guy and I now have an AMAZING BF (who I can't wait to marry!). I am also happy for my ex- he deserves happiness too. I agree it was shocking how fast he (my ex) moved on, considering that he didn't want to get married, and that he didn't want to break up with me. I appreciate your responses, and I feel better seeing that I'm not the only one with this sort of situation/response!

NYCBruin · July 2013

phira said:

Eh, I always get irritated when I find out that an ex is dating someone. It's human nature, I think, and as long as you don't DO anything about it, it's okay to feel annoyed or sad.

A lot of people will say things like, "I just don't see myself getting married," or, "I'm not ready for a commitment right now," when they really just mean, "I don't want to be with you." It's not that they're lying; they're often just trying to avoid hurting you. Or they're not really sure how to explain why they don't want to be together, and that's the reason they end up giving. I was kind of fortunate, in that my break-ups were always just, "This relationship is making us both miserable, and we don't enjoy spending time together."

I agree with all of this. I think a lot of people fall into this category.

FWIW I was one of those people who used to say that I never wanted to get married. I honestly never saw myself as the marrying type. Then I met FI and eventually realized that I wasn't actually opposed to marriage, I just had never met someone I'd want to be married to.

thejinxchan · August 2013

I agree with the above as well... I think men really do know when they have found "the one" that makes them change their "never getting married" tune, and of course, in hindsight, you two weren't meant to be together because now you have found the guy you need to be with, right?

Of all the exes I actually am still friends with, only one (my ex-fiance and first bf from high school) had married just a year after we had broken up (I was surprised, but happy for him) but now he is divorced... so who knows.

MrsRadke · August 2013

Just to put your mind at ease, my fiancé and I were engaged about 18 months after he broke up with his previous girlfriend. We met about 2 weeks after it happened and started dating about 3 months after it happened. So just because it was a short turnaround, doesn't mean he found her before he broke things off with you.

KateJ16 · August 2013

Ugh - I had a bad experience kind of like this.

I had an ex who broke up with me the day we got home from vacation (lovely). It ended up being a very messy breakup, and not long after he started dating someone that he always said was just his "friend".

Getting ready to board a plane for a girl's trip last year, someone mistakenly thought I knew he was engaged and mentioned it - which felt like a sucker punch to the gut. Why? I couldn't tell you, besides that at that moment I was still single. I know he was the wrong person for me, I know we would've been miserable had we gotten married, but there is something about it that still just unnerved me a bit - I think likely due to the fact that the breakup left such bad feelings.

I also felt like someone should've told me - if for no other reason than I hated the feeling when it got dropped on me in an airport. I didn't want to coddled - but the fact that my ex's and my parents lived in the same town and we would run into them from time to time... I could've been shocked in a worse way!

NicRen17 · August 2013

My ex left me the morning of my wedding after an almost 8.5 year relationship. I found out that he got engaged and married a girl 10 years younger less than 10 month prior to our relationship and after only being with the girl for 5 months. Was I pissed? Yes. Was I hurt? Yes. Mine was more to the fact that there are still a lot of loose ends to tie up and he is being a jerk about it. I felt used and betrayed and I realized afterwards that I was in a semi emotionally abusive relationship. Thankfully, I did find someone much better than my ex who has been very supportive and helpful in helping me to move on and heal my scars. I am still in financial debt because of my ex and I will probably be in more soon since things will probably become legal matters soon.

just found out an ex got engaged

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