this is the code for the render ad
Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Party
Wedding Party
New Discussion

bachlorette

munieca0204munieca0204 member
Third Anniversary 10 Comments
in Wedding Party
Hello knotties... im having my bachlorette this weekend and i have two of my bridesmaids planning it and we are having it local we are going to rent a house and then do two nights of fun.  The BM sent all of the guests  a amount of the money that they need to pitch in and i was in that group.. i thought that was a bit rude i thought the bride didnt have to pay for anything unless its like a flight or hotel. What do you guys think
Report Reply to Post

Re: bachlorette

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    munieca0204 said:
    Hello knotties... im having my bachlorette this weekend and i have two of my bridesmaids planning it and we are having it local we are going to rent a house and then do two nights of fun.  The BM sent all of the guests  a amount of the money that they need to pitch in and i was in that group.. i thought that was a bit rude i thought the bride didnt have to pay for anything unless its like a flight or hotel. What do you guys think
    Typically, the bride doesn't pay for a b-party.  Have these BM ever planned these parties before?  Maybe they don't know that the bride doesn't pay?  But if this were me and you were having a local b-party, I don't know why you would need a hotel or rental house, and I would say that it was not necessary.  If my BP wanted to go away, I would have offered them money to help pay too.
    Report Reply
  • saric83saric83 member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper

    Typically the bride doesn't pay, but I wouldn't necessaily assume that would be the case, especially when you are all renting a house for two nights since that's a lot of money to ask of people. 

    In an ideal happy-shiny world, you wouldn't have to pay for anything, but I don't think it's a big deal.  Just chip in the amount and be happy that your friends are all willing to do the same to celebrate with you.   

    Report Reply
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited September 2013
    It was rude of them to ask anyone, not just you, to pay.  If they planned the party, they should be paying.  It's ok to ask if anyone wants to contribute, but you don't plan a party and invoice the guests.  It's one thing for people to pay for their own dinner or drinks at a restaurant at a b-party, but they shouldn't be billed for the cost of the house that these two decided to rent.

    In this situation, I would go to these girls and tell them that you are uncomfortable with asking your friends to pay like that, and ask them to change the plans to something that doesn't involve invoicing the guests.  Suggest using someone's home, or skipping the overnight all together.  
    Report Reply
  • Xstatic3333Xstatic3333 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    Hmmm, my understanding was that bachelorettes are an exception to "the host pays for everything." Any that I've attended (I've never planned one) the cost to attend has been included in the evite, and I've also planned to pay a share of the bride's food and drink. I'll factor cost into my decision to attend, and it doesn't bother me a bit.

    OP, it's not typical that they asked you to pay, assuming the party plan is all theirs, but I'd just do it with a smile. I kept trying to buy rounds of drinks at mine, and nobody would let me. I felt awful! PPs also have good suggestions about suggesting a cheaper plan if the price is too steep.

    Now, if you requested the house rental that's a very different situation, but I'll assume for now you didn't.
    Report Reply
  • munieca0204munieca0204 member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments

    well the girls had asked if i wanted a house in san diego or las vegas or palms springs i said san diego would be cool and they took it upon them selves to book a hotel or house which in this case it turned out to be a house.the guest were aware that they were going to chip in there share as well but i just never expected to get an invoice myself... i have no prob chipping in i was just taken back by it.. Thanks girls for all your inputs 

    Report Reply
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Xstatic3333 said:
    Hmmm, my understanding was that bachelorettes are an exception to "the host pays for everything." Any that I've attended (I've never planned one) the cost to attend has been included in the evite, and I've also planned to pay a share of the bride's food and drink. I'll factor cost into my decision to attend, and it doesn't bother me a bit. 
    The exception is that it's ok to ask guests to pay their own way for dinner/drinks or travel and lodging.  It's still rude to tell people that it costs $X per person to attend the party.  

    I would have been mortified if I found out my MOH had done this.  
    Report Reply
  • munieca0204munieca0204 member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments

    not even that  I think its rude to tell me the (bride ) to pay X amount as well.. I believe that the hosts should pay for the party except for lodging/traveland stuff like that.. We are leaving Friday and now the bm want to know who will drive they asked for volunteers  and if no one volunteers then they said we will draw name out of a hat... Knotties help

     

    Report Reply
  • Xstatic3333Xstatic3333 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    MyNameIsNot said:


    Xstatic3333 said:

    Hmmm, my understanding was that bachelorettes are an exception to "the host pays for everything." Any that I've attended (I've never planned one) the cost to attend has been included in the evite, and I've also planned to pay a share of the bride's food and drink. I'll factor cost into my decision to attend, and it doesn't bother me a bit. 

    The exception is that it's ok to ask guests to pay their own way for dinner/drinks or travel and lodging.  It's still rude to tell people that it costs $X per person to attend the party.  

    I would have been mortified if I found out my MOH had done this.  


    I guess I'm not clear on the difference if the hosts have already decided on an overnight party. Clearly that sort of party excludes more people based on cost, but I think that's just the trade off the hosts make. I'm pretty sure mine wasn't done this way since there would have been nothing to pre-pay, but I can't see a way around it if everyone is splitting a hotel room or getting tickets to a show. I do agree that if the host was charging admission to, say, a girls' night at her own home, that would be tacky.

    OP just pay. There is no other way without risking serious offense and damage to your friendship. I'd imagine what they want is your share for the rental house, which IMO is no different from the hotel you say you would be ok splitting. I would tell them that you're not comfortable with driving if you expect to be drinking. If paying what they've asked is a problem for you, though, it could be for others and I'd (politely) ask them to scale back.
    Report Reply
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    At this point, I would just pay.  Yes, it was rude to assume that you would pay, but your party is coming up quick.  I would say that you do not want to drive at all.

    Is there anyway that you can ask to scale back the event?  Maybe just staying in the house for the weekend instead of also going out on the town or just having one nice dinner out, the rest spent at the house?

    And you didn't ask my original question.  Have any of these girls planned a b-party before?  They may not know that the bride shouldn't pay.  But to a point, you requested this party in San Diego.  This is why desination b-parties can be tough for all parties.  The cost can just be crazy outrageous.

    Report Reply
  • munieca0204munieca0204 member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments
    OliveOilsMom said:

    At this point, I would just pay.  Yes, it was rude to assume that you would pay, but your party is coming up quick.  I would say that you do not want to drive at all.

    Is there anyway that you can ask to scale back the event?  Maybe just staying in the house for the weekend instead of also going out on the town or just having one nice dinner out, the rest spent at the house?

    And you didn't ask my original question.  Have any of these girls planned a b-party before?  They may not know that the bride shouldn't pay.  But to a point, you requested this party in San Diego.  This is why desination b-parties can be tough for all parties.  The cost can just be crazy outrageous.

    Hey Girl one  of the girls have planned one before and the other BM has not.  Well the girls had asked where did I want to go san diego palm springs or las vegas. Um but im with you as well I'm just going to pay my portion  I don't want things to be weird.

    Also I have a question I had told the girl when I first got engaged  which as about a year ago that I would pay for hair and makeup... and now after this I don't feel like paying for it ya know... what are your thoughts wit this

    Thanks girl

    Report Reply
  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    You want to go back on a promise you made a year ago that you would pay for their hair and make up because you have to pay for part of your own bachelorette party?  That in my opinion is petty and immature, and it would be wrong to break your promise.  You should not have assumed that they would pay for the costs of your out of town, destination bachelorette party in the first place. 



    Report Reply
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Viczaesar said:
    You want to go back on a promise you made a year ago that you would pay for their hair and make up because you have to pay for part of your own bachelorette party?  That in my opinion is petty and immature, and it would be wrong to break your promise.  You should not have assumed that they would pay for the costs of your out of town, destination bachelorette party in the first place. 
    All of this.  Seriously, how old are you?  Super immature to renege on a promise because your BMs didn't pay your way for lodging at your OOT bach party.  If you do that it is basically a bit "fuck you" to your BMs.

    Report Reply
  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    If the plan was for everyone to chip in for this vacation, everyone was aware of this and ok with it, I'm a little surprised you (the bride) got an invoice but not completely. If you can't afford it, tell them you can't afford it and that plans need to change. If you can, then just pay for it and go have fun with your friends.

    It's really petty to now tell them you're not going to pay for their hair/make-up. You told them you were going to do this and you should follow through. Even if they said, "We are going to pay for everything in San Diego, dont' even bring your wallet" (I doubt this happened) and then sent you a bill... two wrongs don't make it right for you to go back on your promise to pay. Be the bigger person
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    Report Reply
  • munieca0204munieca0204 member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments
    southernbelle0915 said:
    If the plan was for everyone to chip in for this vacation, everyone was aware of this and ok with it, I'm a little surprised you (the bride) got an invoice but not completely. If you can't afford it, tell them you can't afford it and that plans need to change. If you can, then just pay for it and go have fun with your friends.

    It's really petty to now tell them you're not going to pay for their hair/make-up. You told them you were going to do this and you should follow through. Even if they said, "We are going to pay for everything in San Diego, dont' even bring your wallet" (I doubt this happened) and then sent you a bill... two wrongs don't make it right for you to go back on your promise to pay. Be the bigger person
    Thank you for your input  I appreciate it
    Report Reply
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    southernbelle0915 said:
    If the plan was for everyone to chip in for this vacation, everyone was aware of this and ok with it, I'm a little surprised you (the bride) got an invoice but not completely. If you can't afford it, tell them you can't afford it and that plans need to change. If you can, then just pay for it and go have fun with your friends.

    It's really petty to now tell them you're not going to pay for their hair/make-up. You told them you were going to do this and you should follow through. Even if they said, "We are going to pay for everything in San Diego, dont' even bring your wallet" (I doubt this happened) and then sent you a bill... two wrongs don't make it right for you to go back on your promise to pay. Be the bigger person
    This.  You shouldn't have gotten billed without your consent, but don't use that as an excuse to back out of a promise you made.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards