Etiquette

Bride in jeans

I just came home from an old friend from college. The bride itself, never saw herself getting married and has had several panic attacks going through the whole process of planning the wedding even though she really wanted it, that they just decided to keep it "low-key and casual", which it also said on the invitation. So all the guests arrived, dressed casually. Yet we were still overdressed compared to the bride who walked down the aisle in jeans and a white top with her hair pulled up. It almost looked as if she had rolled out of bed and dressed up to go to work, instead of getting married. I'm not one to judge over this, I have this opinion that everyone should celebrate their wedding the way they want it to be. It just felt very awkward for me and some other guests to feel overdressed compared to the bride. I was breaking etiquette without wanting it. The rest of the wedding went traditional, ceremony, cocktail hour, diner, first dance... Yet all the time the bride was wearing her jeans and white top.

Re: Bride in jeans

  • It's the walking in front of people that makes me nervous, it wouldn't matter what I was wearing. So not quite sure I understand her reasoning but hey. Her wedding. Wonder how she'll feel about the pictures in 30 years. I give her credit for doing what she needed to, if it helped her.

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

  • She probably should have gotten the point across that her wedding was super casual better. I would have been super uncomfortable in my standard cocktail dress, too. More power to her, I guess.

    grumbledore
  • edited September 2013
    She probably should have gotten the point across that her wedding was super casual better. I would have been super uncomfortable in my standard cocktail dress, too. More power to her, I guess.


    I don't think it matters how casual you tell people it'll be, I doubt anyone would ever expect the bride to wear jeans. I don't think I'd ever wear jeans to a wedding unless I was specifically told it was okay.

    ETA: through word of mouth. I know attire shouldn't be dictated of course

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

  • acove2006 said:
    She probably should have gotten the point across that her wedding was super casual better. I would have been super uncomfortable in my standard cocktail dress, too. More power to her, I guess.


    I don't think it matters how casual you tell people it'll be, I doubt anyone would ever expect the bride to wear jeans. I don't think I'd ever wear jeans to a wedding unless I was specifically told it was okay.

    ETA: through word of mouth. I know attire shouldn't be dictated of course


    **Stuck in damn box***

    I get that. I just think if the bride is wearing jeans, it should have been written somewhere (not the jeans per say, just extremely casual) because I would have felt completely overdressed, like OP. I would guess that many of her guests did. 


  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches the Northern Plains member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    You sound really judgy. And honestly, I don't see how it's the bride's job to make sure everyone knows what she's wearing. She said it was going to be low-key and casual, why is it her job to go beyond that?
    Blue_Birdmelbelleup
  • During this whole wedding planning process, my own attire (clothing/hair/makeup/shoes/jewelry) is the one aspect about which I've been a little "IT'S MY DAAAYYY!" because I figured what I wear/look like seriously affects no one. Guests (hopefully) will not care that my dress is light pink or I'm doing my own makeup or my earrings were $4 at H&M and my nails won't be done. 

    But, I see some guests DO care what the bride looks like. Why do you care so much? Also, why do people always say "I'm not one to judge..." and then do some judging? I'm with you that I would note that it was odd (just because I have never seen a bride not wearing a dress), but I would not bash her to my friends or to a bunch of strangers online.
    [Deleted User]melbelleup
  • edited September 2013
    I wear jeans and sweaters to work a lot, but I work behind the scenes in TV so there is no dress code.

    If this was in a church, inappropriate. Otherwise, you sound a bit judgey. I'm guessing you were just thrown for a loop by everything, which is understandable because, yeah, no one expects the bride to be wearing jeans. Casual is all well and good, but that's taking things a bit far.

    ETA: fix typo
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  • phiraphira Bahstin member
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    All I can think of is that the couple should have let guests know what they meant by "low key and casual." I understand why they might not have said, "For example, the bride will be in jeans," since brides get enough crap about their attire decisions. But I would have loved to know something like, "Low key and casual! Jeans, sneakers, t-shirts are fine by us."
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    Knottie37373131
  • I understand where you're coming from. I definitely don't think it's the worst thing a bride would do, though. Everyone had a good time, though, right? So it wasn't all a loss.

    This does help the case against putting dress code on invitations. It's just always up for interpretations.
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    kmmssg
  • I'm also one that wishes she could wear jeans and a tank top to work.... alas, no. 

    Side note (and this is kind of unrelated to the post): but all the churches I have gone to, I can (and regularly do) wear jeans to service. So, to say that it's not appropriate to wear jeans to church might not be true. But, that's off topic.
    [Deleted User]+misslisaAlexisA01
  • I would have no problem with a bride wearing jeans to her wedding in a church. I wear jeans to church quite often. God doesn't care what you wear as long as you cover up the necessities. A bride owes me no explaination as to what she wears, but i would appreciate a heads up that I could dress more casually. I don't think this should be a concern for the OP.
    AroundTheBlockmelbelleupBambeez
  • Oscar Wilde said "You can never be overdressed or overeducated."  You went to the wedding in what you felt comfortable wearing and thought was appropriate.  She had HER wedding in what she wanted.  It's her day after all.  Each of you did what you thought best, so all's well that ends well.
    Salsera29
  • Jeans are pretty common in our church as well.  Casual is different to everyone.  And I agree with the PP posters, you sound super judgy.
    melbelleupBambeez
  • image

    I was at one "wedding" celebration- they were married 2 weeks prior in an extremely private ceremony (only parents and siblings) where it was a backyard farmers field BBQ (Not a PPD)with the dress being casual, our "group" came in skirts, (sensible)heels and the men in slacks with a nice shirt, the bride and groom were in their wedding clothes, everyone else was in jeans, we felt so out of place but we were comfortable, other people can do what they want. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

  • I am getting married October 5th and I am wearing BLUE JEANS!  I figure it's my day and I want to wear what I want.  I will bling it up with some rhinestone applique's down the legs and wear a nice feminine lacy top, shoulder lenth veil and blue/white bouquet & round it off with white ankle boots (also blinged up by soon to be step daughters).   I told all my guests it's our "Blue Jean Wedding" and they know it's a casual affair and to "come as they are".   I love the idea of brides in elaborate formal gowns but it's just not "me".  I feel like I'd look like I was trying to be someone other than the down-home casual girl that I am.   My family knows me, my friends know me.  They ALL know who we are and how much we love each other.  Some even seem relieved that they do not need to worry about what to wear. 

    My only question is, "Do I take off my veil before the 'after party'? "  We aren't doing a formal receiption either.  Just calling it the "after party" at restaurant/night club nearby.  We will be doing a lot of dancing..  I am SOOO not the "look at ME!" type of girl so I am leaning towards taking it off but my girlfriends think I should leave it on.

    What do you think?  Leave it on or take it off? 

     

  • Bambeez said:

    I am getting married October 5th and I am wearing BLUE JEANS!  I figure it's my day and I want to wear what I want.  I will bling it up with some rhinestone applique's down the legs and wear a nice feminine lacy top, shoulder lenth veil and blue/white bouquet & round it off with white ankle boots (also blinged up by soon to be step daughters).   I told all my guests it's our "Blue Jean Wedding" and they know it's a casual affair and to "come as they are".   I love the idea of brides in elaborate formal gowns but it's just not "me".  I feel like I'd look like I was trying to be someone other than the down-home casual girl that I am.   My family knows me, my friends know me.  They ALL know who we are and how much we love each other.  Some even seem relieved that they do not need to worry about what to wear. 

    My only question is, "Do I take off my veil before the 'after party'? "  We aren't doing a formal receiption either.  Just calling it the "after party" at restaurant/night club nearby.  We will be doing a lot of dancing..  I am SOOO not the "look at ME!" type of girl so I am leaning towards taking it off but my girlfriends think I should leave it on.

    What do you think?  Leave it on or take it off? 

     

    I'd take it off. I'm not even planning on wearing my veil the whole time during my reception and mine is very formal.
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    Bambeez
  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches the Northern Plains member
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    If you want to take your veil off, take it off! It's your appearance, not your girlfriends'.
    Bambeez
  • I'm so happy to find another bride who is wearing blue jeans!  I know other people think it's weird, but it's my wedding and I want to feel comfortable.  I'm not comfortable in a dress, so I'm not wearing one.  Besides... my butt looks really good in jeans ; )  

    Congratulations on your wedding, and I hope you have a blast!
    Knottie37373131
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    @KnotPorscha another zombie!
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