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Wedding night HELP

arieheadariehead member
in Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum
My fiance has told his groomsmen that they/their dates are welcome to stay with us on our wedding night at the ranch house my parents rented. The house was rented for my fiance and I to have as our first night together. He's also told them there will be an "after party" there. I'm NOT okay with this. His groomsmen are from about 15 miles from the venue, and most of my bridesmaids are from out of town. I've already told my bridesmaids they are on their own for lodging the night of the wedding--which they already assumed. I do not want to spend our wedding night with his jerk friends or have an after party. How do I tell him NO negotiating on this or what do I do?
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Re: Wedding night HELP

  • WonderRedWonderRed member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    You need to make it crystal clear to your FI that this is not happening.  PERIOD.  They live near by and they can have a frat party any time.  Your wedding night is not the time and place for it.  Play the card of your parrents rented it just for the two of you and it would be disprespectful, if you have to.   And then he needs to call them and tell them he's sorry, but he was mistaken.  If he's not willing to listen on this one, there's a bigger issue there.    I would be beyond pissed if my FI invited his buddies to spend the night with us.

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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Tell him
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  • jaghdr28jaghdr28 member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments
    I agree with WonderRed. It's one thing to have people stay with you the night before the wedding but its another thing entirely for them to stay with you on your wedding night. When my sister heard that I was tossing around the idea of a cruise for our honeymoon, she wanted to go with us, or have us cruise together thinking it would be fun. My sister and I don't actually get along and the LAST place I'd want her is on my honeymoon... my FI flat out said if any of my family shows up on our honeymoon that he was going to be pissed. The same is true for the wedding night. That is a time meant for the two of you. If they don't live that far, he can hang with them any time that he wants, but you only have one chance at a wedding night... you don't get a do-over. I would be pretty upset too. I would be honest and up front with him telling him that it's not ok. Tell him at a time when you're alone and you have his undivided attention. If his friends are REAL friends, they'd understand. Definitely stick to your guns on this one.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    You need to talk to your FI.  It is not okay that he did not discuss this with you before making these plans.  Time for a sit down at the dinner table to explain your feelings and that in the future things like this need to be discussed before decisions are made.

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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    ariehead said:
    My fiance has told his groomsmen that they/their dates are welcome to stay with us on our wedding night at the ranch house my parents rented. The house was rented for my fiance and I to have as our first night together. He's also told them there will be an "after party" there. I'm NOT okay with this. His groomsmen are from about 15 miles from the venue, and most of my bridesmaids are from out of town. I've already told my bridesmaids they are on their own for lodging the night of the wedding--which they already assumed. I do not want to spend our wedding night with his jerk friends or have an after party. How do I tell him NO negotiating on this or what do I do?
    I would have serious concerns that your FI wants to turn your wedding night into a house party. It's your WEDDING night! 

    You tell him: "I'm sorry, but you didn't discuss this with me. I'm not ok with it and I'm hurt that you would plan something for OUR wedding night without asking me first. You will need to let your GMs and anyone else you may have invited know that we are not hosting anything after the reception."
    *********************************************************************************

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  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    ...maybe he wants to have an orgy?
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
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  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    southernbelle0915 said:
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    I would have serious concerns that your FI wants to turn your wedding night into a house party. It's your WEDDING night! 

    You tell him: "I'm sorry, but you didn't discuss this with me. I'm not ok with it and I'm hurt that you would plan something for OUR wedding night without asking me first. You will need to let your GMs and anyone else you may have invited know that we are not hosting anything after the reception."

    Agreed with this.

    OP, it sounds like your FI is really immature. What new husband to be would essentially prefer to share his wedding night with his buddies versus his new wife?

    DH & I went out to a bar for an hour or so with our WP for an "after party"...but we sent them to stay the night elsewhere ;-)

    Could you do something like that? Your FI could have a few extra drinks with his buddies, and the two of you could still  have your privacy at the end of the night.

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