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MIL at Bachelorette Party

tesgirl123tesgirl123 member
5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
in Moms and Maids
I'll start off by saying that my fiance was married before.  The marriage didn't last very long and I have never been married.   Previously, my fiance's ex had a bachelorette party which included his brother's wife as she was in the bridal party.   His mother was not invited to the BP, but was hurt upon learning that the bride's mother and aunt were invited and attended.   Fast forward to me.   My two sisters are my MOH and my fiance's sister in law is included in the bridal party, but will likely not attend a BP because she will have had a baby 4 weeks before.   My future MIL was hinting at coming to the BP, even though I wasn't planning on my mom attending.    I really love my MIL and want to make sure she's included in things, but this feels weird to me.   The BP is likely going to be my friends and sisters, I honestly don't think anyone from his side is going to attend.   Help
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Re: MIL at Bachelorette Party

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    doeydodoeydo member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Don't invite you MIL to the bachelorette party if you don't want her there.  You are in no way obligated to do so and the fact that she is hinting/inviting herself is kind of rude as it puts you on the spot and in an awkward situation.  
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    KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    She doesn't have to attend your BP if you don't want her to. I'd bean-dip the crap out of her every time the party comes up, and not even mention it myself in her presence.
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    MDbride1012MDbride1012 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    If you don't want her there you don't have to invite her. Just don't bring the party up around her.
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Why do mothers of the groom (or bride for that matter) WANT to go to bachelorette parties? I cannot understand it. To build off KeptInStitches, this is what bean dipping is:

    MIL: "I want to get invited to your bachelorette party."
    You: "It'll just be the bridal party and a couple girlfriends. Have you tried this bean dip? It's really good."
    MIL: "But I wasn't invited to my son's ex's BP and I really want to be invited to yours."
    You: "Do you think they used fresh jalapenos in this? It tastes like they did."
    MIL: "BP, BP, BP!!!!!!!"
    You: "I'm going to try and find out who brought this so I can get the recipe. Please excuse me."
    *********************************************************************************

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    saric83saric83 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    You definitely don't need to invite her and shouldn't feel guilted into it!  However, if you do want to include her (and your mother) in some way, maybe go have lunch with them earlier in the day.  Or if your BP plans include dinner, you could invite them to that part, and then say goodbye as you head out with your ladies for the rest of the night.  
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    HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    There's another thread on this topic somewhere on the boards. I think it depends on (a) what you're doing and (b) what your relationship with your FMIL is and (c) what kind of a person she is. 

    For example, my bachelorette party is dinner at a hibachi restaurant (because I *love* hibachi) and then a vineyard tour with wine tasting because (a) I am boring and (b) I'm not into wild and crazy parties and (c) this is my idea of fun. 

    My mother is coming, because she and I are very close and she'll really enjoy this and because I want her there.

    Conversely, FI's grandmother, who raised him, and I have a very fractured relationship under the best of circumstances and wedding planning certainly isn't the best of circumstances. She hasn't mentioned wanting to be invited, and he certainly hasn't brought it up (smart man!), but if she did, I would politely but firmly tell her that some pre-wedding events aren't open to all wedding guests and that this was a small, private get together. 

    My feeling -- and I have no idea if other people share this -- is that there is a lack of equality in wedding planning. Some things are bride's side only, some are groom's side only, some are age-specific only. It's not fair, but life isn't fair. And having not gotten to go to her son's first wife's b-party isn't at all a reason to think she'll be included this time.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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