Wedding Etiquette Forum

Anniversary Party Etiquette

I am hosting an anniversary party for my parents in about a week and a half-- it's a surprise. They will be married 35 years. Both of my mom's brothers are Catholic Priests, and originally I was planning just a brunch. One of my uncles reached out to me, and as this is on a Sunday, he wanted to know if I might like it if he performed an anniversary blessing during the course of a Sunday mass at a nearby church. My mom is very religious/ spiritual, so I knew this would be very meaningful to her. It is NOT a vow renewal, to be clear.

My mom thinks she is coming to my Teacher of the Year brunch, so she is wearing a navy wrap dress and coordinating jacket. My Dad is wearing a simple suit that goes with it. (Not the stuff of wedding-wear). There has been NO mention of gifts, NO registering, and frankly, I do not expect people to come to this party with gifts. This is simply a celebration of my parents' many years together.

I was recently told that I had broken etiquette with this celebration. On the invitation, it simply said that it was an Anniversary mass with a brunch to follow at a local restaurant. I did have to use a flat card with a small card for the brunch when I mailed the invitations, but this was simply because it would not fit on the one card. Do you find this party offensive?
~CaraMia~ Married to my HS sweetheart since 7/2/10 Celebrating 10 years together 6/3/12! Anniversary

Re: Anniversary Party Etiquette

  • Not at all! Sounds like you've planned a fabulous event. How, exactly, did someone say you broke etiquette?
  • Someone on another board said that they *sideeye* anything that resembles a vow renewal and they would not be surprised if some of my guests would feel uncomfortable attending.
    ~CaraMia~ Married to my HS sweetheart since 7/2/10 Celebrating 10 years together 6/3/12! Anniversary
  • loca4pookloca4pook member
    1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited September 2013

    I think it's fine. Vow renewals aren't bad anyway as long as they aren't disguised as a normal wedding. It's not like they are pretending they never got married or something. I think you are totally fine.... Anyway, anyone who knows your brothers are priests, so they definitely get the church aspect, I assume.

     

    Just enjoy the day. Very sweet of you

  • You're fine, that person probably misunderstood what you were doing.  Have a good time!
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    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
  • This sounds like a beautiful event, and I don't see that it breaks etiquette. They've been married a very long time, and they could even have a vow renewal if they wanted to - no one would roll their eyes.
  • Someone on another board said that they *sideeye* anything that resembles a vow renewal and they would not be surprised if some of my guests would feel uncomfortable attending.
    They sound like they have a stick in their ass. It doesn't sound like a vow renewal and even if it did, 35 years should be a big deal!
  • Someone on another board said that they *sideeye* anything that resembles a vow renewal and they would not be surprised if some of my guests would feel uncomfortable attending.
    What?  That is ridiculous.  Why are vow renewals a side eye offense, especially if this vow renewal took place at year 35?  Now PPD, yes they are definitely worth a major side eye.

    What you are planning sounds really nice and something that your parents are going to love.

  • This sounds like a beautiful event! I don't think it should be "side-eyed" by anyone. 35 years of marriage deserves a wonderful celebration and that sounds like exactly what you planned! I hope you and your parents have a great time!
  • I think it sounds lovely. Every 5 years since their 50th we have done this for my grandparents (a blessing at mass, followed by brunch). This summer was their 65th wedding anniversary. It is just family, and people usually bring gifts. But I can tell you no one even considers side-eying it.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Sounds beautiful and very special. I wouldn't side-eye this at all. Even if it was a vow renewal - whatever! Good luck and a very happy, blessed 35 years to your parents!
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  • This type of thing happens often in Catholic churches.  Just last week at mine, the Priest invited a couple celebrating their 25th anniversary up for a blessing in front of the congregation.  He then announced that the couple was inviting everyone over the parish hall for refreshments after Mass.

    I think what the OP is planning sounds wonderful and perfectly appropriate.  A far cry from the recreations some people throw themselves.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • An anniversary blessing at a Catholic church isn't anything similar to a vow renewal at all so I think whoever said that to you simply didn't know what they were talking about. I have attended mass when they did this before and it was very nice.

    Side note: a vow renewal at 35 years would have been perfectly fine also so you really, really did nothing wrong :)
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  • Are you sure they would like a surprise anniversary party?  Sorry, just not everyone is into those kind of things...
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  • I think that what you are doing sounds lovely and in no way breaks etiquette. It is sweet that you are doing this for your parents.
  • I think this is a wonderful thing and I agree with all the PP, even if it was a vow renewal, at 35 years, why not celebrate big? In this day and age when so many people don't make it to even 10 years, why not do something for 35. Enjoy the event, I'm sure your parents will appreciate it.
  • Someone on another board said that they *sideeye* anything that resembles a vow renewal and they would not be surprised if some of my guests would feel uncomfortable attending.
    Unless you're not giving us all the information, I'm not sure what that other person is talking about.

    In my opinion, there isn't anything wrong with this plan even if it was a vow renewal.
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  • doeydo said:
    Are you sure they would like a surprise anniversary party?  Sorry, just not everyone is into those kind of things...
    In my family, anniversary parties tend to be surprises. We have a very large family & I am sure my parents would feel badly on some level if they knew in advance we were doing this for them (they would feel it was too generous and would feel uncomfortable accepting it). However, I think in retrospect, it will be something they will look back on and appreciate, and I know that they will have a beautiful day.
    ~CaraMia~ Married to my HS sweetheart since 7/2/10 Celebrating 10 years together 6/3/12! Anniversary
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