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Plus One?

laurenmoyanolaurenmoyano member
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My finace and I are getting married in 2 months and we started getting back our RSVP cards. When we started planning we wanted to stay around the 125 ppl mark. We have a lot of family in the area and had to make cuts on both sides of the family and are kind of tight with our guest list. We each have about 5 friends that were not dating someone when we got engaged and determined what we could afford with a certain guest list and therefore did not include and an guest and the invite went out, however now we are getting lots of questions about if there bf or gf is invited. We unfortunately really do not have a lot of room to just keep adding people and still keep everything within budget. Is it fine to tell them that if we get enough declines that it will be fine but that we can't go too much over our guest count? I'm just not really sure what to do?
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Re: Plus One?

  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If they're in a relationship (if they introduce the other person as boyfriend/girlfriend) then they should have been invited together from the beginning.  You'll need to apologize and tell them their boyfriend or girlfriend is welcome. Cut a little from somewhere else in the budget to cover it.  If they truly don't consider themselves in a relationship, then you don't need to let them bring a date.
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  • melbelleupmelbelleup member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    Since they weren't dating anyone when they were sent out, it is perfectly fine to tell them that unfortunately they won't be able to bring someone. If you want to wait and see how many RSVPs come back declined and make the decision from there, you can do that as well. I wouldn't tell them that is what your doing though.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Did you not check with your friends to see if they were in a relationship before invites went out?  If they were in a relationship before the invites went out apologize and include their SO.  If they started seeing someone after invites went out, I believe it is okay to not include their SO, but it would be a nice gesture to fit them in if possible.

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  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    laurenmoyano said:
    My finace and I are getting married in 2 months and we started getting back our RSVP cards. When we started planning we wanted to stay around the 125 ppl mark. We have a lot of family in the area and had to make cuts on both sides of the family and are kind of tight with our guest list. We each have about 5 friends that were not dating someone when we got engaged and determined what we could afford with a certain guest list and therefore did not include and an guest and the invite went out, however now we are getting lots of questions about if there bf or gf is invited. We unfortunately really do not have a lot of room to just keep adding people and still keep everything within budget. Is it fine to tell them that if we get enough declines that it will be fine but that we can't go too much over our guest count? I'm just not really sure what to do?

    Did you send out the invitaions right when you got engaged?

    If not, if they are dating someone when you sent your invitations, you need to include the SO.

    Someone's relationship status at the time when you got engaged is irrelevant.

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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Ditto itzMS.  Their relationship status at the begining of your engagement is irrelevant.  It's very possible that someone could have met and married during your enagement, does that mean you wouldn't invite their spouse?

    Also, plus ones are only for truly single people.  Anyone in a relationship gets invited with their SO.  Invite the bf/gfs of your friends.  Find other areas to cut from.

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Good advice so far. I also couldn't help but notice - your RSVP date is TWO MONTHS before your wedding? Did I misread this?
    I think, but I could be wrong, that she is just saying that they are starting to get RSVP cards rather then the RSVP deadline being 2 months before the wedding. Like they sent the invites out last week or two weeks ago and have started to get some cards back. KWIM? But then again I could be wrong.

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  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    Maggie0829 said:
    Good advice so far. I also couldn't help but notice - your RSVP date is TWO MONTHS before your wedding? Did I misread this?
    I think, but I could be wrong, that she is just saying that they are starting to get RSVP cards rather then the RSVP deadline being 2 months before the wedding. Like they sent the invites out last week or two weeks ago and have started to get some cards back. KWIM? But then again I could be wrong.

    Nope. I found her wedding website (not difficult, as the OP used her real name as her SN. OP, you might want to change that btw)...and their wedding is, in fact, on November 9th.


     

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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary

    scribe95 said:
    Good advice so far. I also couldn't help but notice - your RSVP date is TWO MONTHS before your wedding? Did I misread this?
    I think she said it's 2 months before their wedding and they're just getting them back - not that the RSVP date is two months before the wedding. We sent out our invites at 8 weeks (etiquette being 6-8 weeks before the wedding) and got a ton back right away.

    OP, if people are in a relationship, it's rude to disrespect that by telling them their SO isn't invited. It's rude because you're more or less asking them to come celebrate your relationship while at the same time disrespecting theirs.

    You can fix this by calling these people up and saying, "Hi Sally! So glad you can come to the wedding. I noticed your RSVP'd for a guest. I didn't realize you had a boyfriend - what's his name so we can (make our escort cards/add him to the list/etc.)?" If Sally says, "I'm excited to be there. My boyfriend's name is Tom Jones." you can say "wonderful. Sorry for the misunderstanding. Looking forward to seeing you." But if Sally says, "oh, I'm not dating anyone, I just want to bring my friend so I don't have to come alone." You can say, "gosh Sally I'm really sorry, but we can't accommodate additional guests. Will you still be able to attend?"
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Maggie0829 said:
    Good advice so far. I also couldn't help but notice - your RSVP date is TWO MONTHS before your wedding? Did I misread this?
    I think, but I could be wrong, that she is just saying that they are starting to get RSVP cards rather then the RSVP deadline being 2 months before the wedding. Like they sent the invites out last week or two weeks ago and have started to get some cards back. KWIM? But then again I could be wrong.

    Nope. I found her wedding website (not difficult, as the OP used her real name as her SN. OP, you might want to change that btw)...and their wedding is, in fact, on November 9th.


     

    But that doesn't mean her RSVP deadline is two months before hand. When I sent out my invites (2 months prior to my wedding) I received a good amount of RSVPs a week later. But my RSVP date was 3 weeks before my wedding date.

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  • WonderRedWonderRed member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Good advice so far.  I sent my adult niece an invitation to her alone.  A week later I noticed on her FB page that she was listed as in a relationship.  I immediately called her and found out she'd been seeing someone for four months and I just didn't know.  I told her on the spot that he was absolutely welcome as well and he will be coming with her.   I don't know this guy at all and we're only having a 30 person wedding with only close friends and family, but it's the right things to do.
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  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    itzMS said:
    Maggie0829 said:
    Good advice so far. I also couldn't help but notice - your RSVP date is TWO MONTHS before your wedding? Did I misread this?
    I think, but I could be wrong, that she is just saying that they are starting to get RSVP cards rather then the RSVP deadline being 2 months before the wedding. Like they sent the invites out last week or two weeks ago and have started to get some cards back. KWIM? But then again I could be wrong.

    Nope. I found her wedding website (not difficult, as the OP used her real name as her SN. OP, you might want to change that btw)...and their wedding is, in fact, on November 9th.


     

    This.



    Anniversary
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    OP, you have 5 registries?



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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    It's more than two months to your wedding; when exactly did you send your invitations? 

    Whether or not these people were in relationships back in January when you got engaged is immaterial; if they were in relationships when you sent invitations you should have invited their SOs as well, and should rectify that ASAP.



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