Memorial Options

beckyk0385 · August 2013

Just wondering what everyone is planning on doing for remember loved ones. We are still tossing around ideas. So far we are set on having bundles of wheat for each loved one that has passed, spread out on different tables.

vainemerald · August 2013

I like that idea! I have read some posters poo-pooing the idea because they say it makes others guests feel uncomfortable or sad. I think if you did it in a tasteful way that you could avoid that. Would you put a picture of your loved one on the bundle of wheat? Do you have something tangible from these loved ones you could wear the day of. Such as a broach or other kind of jewelry.

joellennitsche · August 2013

instead of doing a cake, we are doing a dessert bar of our loved ones favorite desserts. we have cannolis, eclairs, whoopie pies, cupcakes and i think thats it.. but i am thinking of putting a nice picture of them next to it.

[Deleted User] · August 2013

@beckyk0385 just be cautious with the wheat... some of your guests may be allergic to it.

The only idea that I've seen get a "no" response from anyone on TK has been leaving an empty chair for the people who have passed.

Everything else, I think, has been okay.

jessyk1065 · August 2013

We are doing a note on the last page of our program. One of our groomsmen who knew this bridesmaid best will be walking down the aisle alone and holding a yellow rose for my friend/bridesmaid who passed away in April. It was the flower she always wanted at her wedding, and when I asked her parents they approved the idea. I don't want to make a happy occasion somber, but I also wanted a tangible way of showing she is still there in spirit, if that makes sense.

SewInLoveWithDMB · August 2013

I wouldn't worry about what TK says one should or shouldn't do, in this case. (This isn't an etiquette "thing" where you are being blatantly rude to guests or anything of the sort.)

However - as mentioned, do something that you don't think will make guests uncomfortable. Only you know your relationship with the deceased and how you like to honor them. In my situation, there is no way I would want to be remembered by what dessert I liked best, but I can 100% understand how this could be appropriate for someone else and don't think it's a bad idea at all. It just wouldn't work for me.

FI's father is deceased, and as of now, we are planning on mentioning him somehow in the program (not sure how yet), and on our favor we will have an additional tag saying that a donation has been made in his memory to the charity to which he is associated.

For us, this feels right, but that doesn't mean that anyone else's ideas are not right, or that these are better ideas than anything else.

It could also get difficult cause where do you cut off the relatives - we both have no living grandparents, as well as deceased cousins, and great aunts/uncles. Doing something for each and every deceased relative could really be morbid and take over. Obviously, we all remember each of those special people in our lives and don't necessarily need to tell everyone that we are thinking about them...it's very obvious and goes without saying. If we had a table of photographs of them or photos throughout the room, there really could well be more photographs of the deceased than the living. That would be too much, imho.

I have seen bouquet charms as well to add a picture - I might consider doing this. Heck, I really want to do this for my dog who passed away when he was 16 and was there for me my entire life. But that is what is right for me, and might not be right for you.

Good luck, and I'm sorry for your loss. Wedding planning does remind you of those who are not there to share your special day, and it is tough.

beckyk0385 · August 2013

Thanks for the info ladies! The one problem with the who is like mentioned above where do you cut it off? I was very closed to my deceased grandpa's, where as he was only close with one of his. Both of his parents are gone so the idea of the empty chair/spot has crossed my mind, my father has also passed. I don't want to put off his family (1 evil sister of 8 siblings) if mine are right up front. So that is my newest dilemma! His mother collected teapots and so we decided to use one of her teapots as a center piece, instead of the wheat bundle with her name. I have all these "grand" ideas but figuring out what is workable and what isn't is tricky!

Kate McCay · August 2013

We are just doing a table with pictures and candles. FI's dad past when he was a boy and his grandfather past way around Christmas last year. I will also have 3 of my grandparents, but that is it. We also might mention them in the program, not sure yet.

hardlyhannah · August 2013

We're lighting a 'remembrance candle' while our officiant reads a nice poem

ETA: we aren't specifying specific people, just saying 'those we loved' because of the politics. We know in our hearts who we are truly honoring, an everyone will feel the same for those they would like to honor.

kristingregwedding · August 2013

We are doing a mention of our grandparents in our program. At the wedding we are doing pictures of our grandparents on their wedding day, but not really as a memorial because we are also including a picture of our parents on their wedding day too.

Sgreen19 · September 2013

i am having picture frames made by my best friend and they will be hanging on my bouquet with the pictures of my family member in it

h&pmcmillen · September 2013

Since one of my special remembrances is my dad, I plan on taking a photo of him and transferring it to fabric to sew to the inside of my dress on my side, as if he was still here to walk me down the isle. It's not something everyone can see, but I will know its there.

I also have a candle in an iron lantern that I will put by my guest book with a photo frame of my loved ones.

clairok38 · September 2013

My aunt and uncle both passed before they could see me walk down the aisle. My fiance and I had a Memorial Vase created with their names engraved; it will be filled with their favorite flower. That along with a framed 8x10 photo will be placed on a table with the guest book.

shaylagirl · September 2013

We're flouting TK and leaving 2 chairs for his father and mother (who both passed away many, many years ago).

We're also sponsoring the gas lights at our chapel that day "For our family, friends and loved ones who could not be with us today."

libby18bell · September 2013

We are having a Catholic Ceremony so we are doing rose at Mary for our grandparents that have passed away, and mentioning deceased family members in the Prayer to the Faithful. We limited it to grandparents, great grandparents, my mother's sister (my Aunt), one of FI's Uncles who recently passed away and a cousin of mine who just passed away a few months ago. Beyond that we may just mention the family name, such as members of Smith, Jones, and Johnson family that are no longer with us, but are in our hearts forever. Something like that. We are also doing wedding/family photos at the reception that are our parents, grandparents and great grandparents, but that's more playful thing that's more because they said yes to love, not a memory one.

archerstar · September 2013

I *think* we are doing a mention during the ceremony or on the program but like others have said, where do you cut it off? We want to mention our grandparents, but we've both each lost a first cousin. I guess that's not really a lot of people, if we just mention those.

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