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Bride starting bachelorette planning...

yellowdaisies84yellowdaisies84 member
Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hello all. I am a bridesmaid and the bride has started to get the ball rolling on planning her bachelorette. She messaged her bridesmaids and asked if we had any ideas about where to go or when. She said that she needs lots of notice because of her job (she works weekends) so she gave a couple of suggestions of weekends in May that might work. She wants us to let her know so that she can book it off. 

Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this? I am thinking it is best to just go with the flow and let her do this her own way. It just feels funny to have a bride getting things started. 
"It's always better when we're together." -Jack Johnson
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Re: Bride starting bachelorette planning...

  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited September 2013
    I think that, if you (individually? collectively?) want to throw her a bachelorette party, you could respond by scheduling around her weekends that she can get off work. You're not required to travel if that's too expensive, of course.

    ETA: If you have a way to gently let her know, remind her that she can't throw her own bachelorette party.
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  • svc2014svc2014 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    In MAY and she is already trying to schedule it? Are there a lot of out of towners or something?

    Maybe she doesn't realize the she isn't supposed to plan this and is in bridal excessive planning mode...

    If you and the bridal party are planning on throwing one I think you should talk to them and pick a date since it sounds like it could be an issue for the bride. Other than that I would tell her, "Bride, this is one of the wedding plans that you don't need to organize. Let us take care of it and you just enjoy. We will pick a date soon so that you can schedule"

    Hopefully she doesn't push for details to be planned now because its so early! If she does I would just make it a surprise so that she won't be in the loop and stress over something that she doesn't need to be working on in the first place haha
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  • yellowdaisies84yellowdaisies84 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    There are not a lot of out-of-towners- there are only 3 bridesmaids including me and we all live within a 2 hour drive of each other. She said her reason for planning it early is that she needs to book it off work by the end of September. 

    I do want to throw her a bachelorette party (and a bridal shower) but it's still so early for me to start organizing anything. I'm not the MOH so I usually give it some time for the MOH to get the ball rolling before I start the conversation in case she wants to head it up. I haven't met the other bridesmaids yet so I don't know how they feel about any of this. The wedding is in June. 


    "It's always better when we're together." -Jack Johnson
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    yellowdaisies84 said:
    Hello all. I am a bridesmaid and the bride has started to get the ball rolling on planning her bachelorette. She messaged her bridesmaids and asked if we had any ideas about where to go or when. She said that she needs lots of notice because of her job (she works weekends) so she gave a couple of suggestions of weekends in May that might work. She wants us to let her know so that she can book it off. 

    Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this? I am thinking it is best to just go with the flow and let her do this her own way. It just feels funny to have a bride getting things started. 
    I'd get together with the other BMs, see if they have any interest in throwing it in her honor and then offer to plan it for her. You can phrase it like, "We'd love to throw the party for you - of course you call the shots, but please let us do this for you. You're so busy with wedding planning and we'd love to lighten your load." It's a nice way to offer and if she declines, she declines - not much you can do.

    It's always awkward when people plan pre-wedding parties in their own honor... She probably doesn't realize is faux pas.
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  • misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited September 2013
    What is she trying to plan? Some big weekend away? Are you friends with any BMs? I would talk to them if you are, then I would tell the bride you can agree on the weekend, but you would like to take over the planning from there. It sounds like it could get overboard pretty fast if you don't. 

    ETA: if she persists in planning her own, I would tell her you can't commit yet. 
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  • yellowdaisies84yellowdaisies84 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Yes she is calling it a 'weekend away'. I am not friends with the BMs, yet anyway. We've only met super briefly in the past. I may have to take this one step at a time and come back here to get more advice as it develops! I politely let her know that I am free either of those weekends, other BM said the same, 3rd bridesmaid said she would let us know soon.
    "It's always better when we're together." -Jack Johnson
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I think it is a bit presumptuous of her to assume she is getting a Bach party.  But if you or anyone else wants to throw her one then I would get her list of dates that work for her and then tell her that you (general you) will get back with her before the end of September so that she can take off.  Let her know that besides a guest list you and whoever else will be taking care of the plans.

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  • misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Assuming you're close, I would have to have a conversation with her and make her pump the breaks. She's being super presumptuous that you have time/money/energy to do this, even if she plans it. She is seriously tiptoe-ing the bridezilla line, in my eyes. 
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  • ashleyepashleyep member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary

    yellowdaisies84 said:
    Yes she is calling it a 'weekend away'. I am not friends with the BMs, yet anyway. We've only met super briefly in the past. I may have to take this one step at a time and come back here to get more advice as it develops! I politely let her know that I am free either of those weekends, other BM said the same, 3rd bridesmaid said she would let us know soon.
    I think the best you can do is talk to the other bridesmaids and pick a weekend if she really needs that much notice. You don't need to plan any other details yet. And remind your friend that outside of letting you know her availability and maybe some ideas of things she would like to do, she should have no input.
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  • Bubblegum5586Bubblegum5586 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I think picking a date is no big deal. I helped pick the dates for my bachelorette and shower. After that I knew nothing!
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  • misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    bubblegum1309 said:
    I think picking a date is no big deal. I helped pick the dates for my bachelorette and shower. After that I knew nothing!
    But did you take the lead in thinking about it?
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  • LizM61409LizM61409 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary
    svc2014 said:
    In MAY and she is already trying to schedule it? Are there a lot of out of towners or something?

    Maybe she doesn't realize the she isn't supposed to plan this and is in bridal excessive planning mode...

    If you and the bridal party are planning on throwing one I think you should talk to them and pick a date since it sounds like it could be an issue for the bride. Other than that I would tell her, "Bride, this is one of the wedding plans that you don't need to organize. Let us take care of it and you just enjoy. We will pick a date soon so that you can schedule"

    Hopefully she doesn't push for details to be planned now because its so early! If she does I would just make it a surprise so that she won't be in the loop and stress over something that she doesn't need to be working on in the first place haha
    I'm a resident physician... I work a ton of weekends and my weekend schedule is already set until the end of the academic year in June, so I feel for this girl with needing a ton of advance notice to get a weekend off.

    That being said, my wedding is next July and there are no plans in place for my bachelorette. (I will not be planning it myself, my sisters have mentioned they want to throw one). But I figure we can work around my schedule when it comes to that
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