I've been with my FI since high school (we are now in our mid/late twenties). My dad has always gotten along with FI, but my dad seems to harbor ideas that I should have dated around more. He never articulates anything personally wrong with FI, just that he thinks we were too young when we first started dating and I will eventually get "bored" being with the same guy. I've had some talks with my dad about this-- it's not like we got married straight out of high school. My dad remains fairly lukewarm about the wedding. Not hostile, just lukewarm. Generally I've just tried to accept that this is the way it is and not get too hung up on it. My FIL's are over-the-top enough that I have enough family to juggle when planning!
But I became very upset after our engagement party. Part of me knows this is sort of irrational, but it's how I feel, and I think I just need some help getting past it. My FILs threw us an engagement party at a casual restaurant near our home. My dad was sort of mystified by this; in the weeks before the party, in the presence of my aunt and grandmother, he ridiculed the party and my FILs for throwing it. Meanwhile, my grandmother (his mom) mentioned that she was planning to give a check at the party to "cover" that side of the family attending and a little extra for me and FI as a gift. This was sort of awkward-- why mention you are planning to give a gift? just give it!-- but I just said thank you, that's really sweet, etc. So the whole family lead-up to this party was kind of weird.
But of course my family came to the party and was friendly to everyone. My dad even chipped in with FILs for some drinks and snacks (without even being asked, he just offered). Success! Family harmony!
Then we opened our gifts. We got many sweet and thoughtful cards, some with checks, a few bottles of wine, etc. Normal engagement type gifts. As we reached the end, I realized that I had not one card or gift from my dad, my aunt, or grandmother. Not even a card with well wishes.
I felt completely snubbed and really hurt. This wouldn't have mattered so much if the family was supportive. But after my father's comments before the party, and just in general about the wedding, it really seems like this was intentional. And I'm just confused by my grandmother mentioning a gift and then not even giving a card. At first I told myself maybe they just forgot and would mail a card, but it's been two weeks and nothing. I mentioned it to my sister/MOH who also thinks this is really mean of them. She thinks my dad purposely convinced my aunt and grandmother not to give a card or gift because he thought the engagement party was silly. Maybe or maybe not, but now I just feel like my family is unsupportive. I know all the advice I would give to myself: it's your wedding, whatever they think doesn't matter, at least they came to the party. But there was no need to make mean comments about my FILs and their ideas for the party, and now I feel like the wedding itself is going to come under ridicule. My FILs were so excited about this party, I was excited, and now I just feel like the whole thing is overshadowed. I am having a hard time letting it go and I still feel hurt two weeks later. How should I deal with my family going forward, when it comes to wedding stuff? I want them to be happy for us, but that's like WANTING somebody to WANT to do the dishes. I just don't know what to do.
"I'm not a rude bitch. I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."