Guest list question (2 dilemmas)

Re: Guest list question (2 dilemmas)

• itzMS member

  

  September 2013

  kissyourself said:

  So my fiance and I are having 2 issues with our guest list. they are separate but related topics.

  1.) My side of the family has a lot of extended family friends that I have known my whole life. That being said out of each family there are people I really like and people I could really do without. The issue I am having is how do I go about inviting one sibling and their spouse without inviting another sibiling in that same family? These aren't blood relatives but these are people I see every year so it will make for some possible awkward convos later. We have a limited budget but i am not really sure how to explain this and this family has 6 siblings (so 12 guests total) and I only want to invite 1. Any ideas? Should I just not invite anyone in that family?

  2.) Secondly, my fiance and I are both women and while most people we know are supportive we know a few people (mostly older guests/family) who are opposed to marriage equality. If i were marrying a man I would have no qualms about inviting them but should i extend an invitation to someone knowing that they dont support my fully support my relationship? I know everyone is entitled to their opinion but at my wedding i want everyone to fully believe in my rights. Suggestions?

  Im not looking for a discussion on marriage equality just what you would do if you were in my situation. thank you it's much appreciated. happy wedding!

  
  I think the bottom line here is to invite who you want and who you can afford to host. The guests aren't obligated to accept your invitation and you aren't obligated to invite an entire family of people because you want one couple to attend.

  In an ideal scenario, do you want Great Aunt Sally to attend and witness your vows? Invite her, and let her make the choice.

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• delujm0 member

  

  September 2013

  1) I don't think it's odd at all to only invite 1 out of the 6 siblings.  Now, if you wanted to invite 5 out of the 6 siblings, that would be another story.  But only 1 just makes it look like you're only truly close with 1 of them.  Not a big deal.

   

  2) If you would want these people at your wedding invite them.  If they are truly morally aginst what you are doing, they won't come.  But if these are people you love and you want them to be a part of your day, give them the option to attend.  I don't know a lot of people that would go to a wedding for people whose relationship they do not morally support, so you shouldn't wind up with a bunch of people in attendance who don't respect your lifestyle.  (side note: shame on them that they don't approve; and good for you for wanting to give them the opportunity to see that the love you have with your FI is no different than that of a heterosexual couple.)

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  September 2013

  kissyourself said:

  So my fiance and I are having 2 issues with our guest list. they are separate but related topics.

  1.) My side of the family has a lot of extended family friends that I have known my whole life. That being said out of each family there are people I really like and people I could really do without. The issue I am having is how do I go about inviting one sibling and their spouse without inviting another sibiling in that same family? These aren't blood relatives but these are people I see every year so it will make for some possible awkward convos later. We have a limited budget but i am not really sure how to explain this and this family has 6 siblings (so 12 guests total) and I only want to invite 1. Any ideas? Should I just not invite anyone in that family?

  You can invite whoever you want. It can be diplomatic to invite in circles as you're suggesting, but it's not necessary or against etiquette if you don't.

  2.) Secondly, my fiance and I are both women and while most people we know are supportive we know a few people (mostly older guests/family) who are opposed to marriage equality. If i were marrying a man I would have no qualms about inviting them but should i extend an invitation to someone knowing that they dont support my fully support my relationship? I know everyone is entitled to their opinion but at my wedding i want everyone to fully believe in my rights. Suggestions?

  This is completely personal and a choice you'll have to decide on. You may want to post this question on the Gay Weddings board to get some additional opinions. Personally, I would not invite people who weren't supportive of my marriage to my....marriage. To me it doesn't make sense, but everyone is different and this an extremely personal choice you'll have to make.

  Im not looking for a discussion on marriage equality just what you would do if you were in my situation. thank you it's much appreciated. happy wedding!

  
  

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• melbelleup member

  

  September 2013 edited September 2013

  
  

  kissyourself said:

  So my fiance and I are having 2 issues with our guest list. they are separate but related topics.

  1.) My side of the family has a lot of extended family friends that I have known my whole life. That being said out of each family there are people I really like and people I could really do without. The issue I am having is how do I go about inviting one sibling and their spouse without inviting another sibiling in that same family? These aren't blood relatives but these are people I see every year so it will make for some possible awkward convos later. We have a limited budget but i am not really sure how to explain this and this family has 6 siblings (so 12 guests total) and I only want to invite 1. Any ideas? Should I just not invite anyone in that family?

  2.) Secondly, my fiance and I are both women and while most people we know are supportive we know a few people (mostly older guests/family) who are opposed to marriage equality. If i were marrying a man I would have no qualms about inviting them but should i extend an invitation to someone knowing that they dont support my fully support my relationship? I know everyone is entitled to their opinion but at my wedding i want everyone to fully believe in my rights. Suggestions?

  Im not looking for a discussion on marriage equality just what you would do if you were in my situation. thank you it's much appreciated. happy wedding!

  1. If it's just one person, I say invite them. As long as you're closer to them than the others.
  
   I'm inviting my  mom's second cousin, her daughter, and her mom... but I'm not inviting all of my mom's second cousins. That being said. I'm extremely close with them. My mom's second cousin's daughter is one of my BMs. Her and i went through high school together as well as college. Her mom and I have also always been close through out our friendship. I also know my BM's grandma personally through a massive family gathering, seeing her when my gpa/gma were ill, and on trips to go back to college.. (also to add, it would be totally weird to invite my mom's one second cousin... I dated her nephew...not by blood but by marriage)
  
  2. I would still invite them if you want them to be there. If they don't support it, they won't come. If they're there, I would take it as they support the relationship.
  

  

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• kissyourself member

  

  September 2013

  Thank you for your input! Lots to think about and good advice.

  The sibling I am planning on inviting is the oldest and closest to my parents so it makes the most sense. I think ill go ahead and do it.

   

  Also i think i will invite people who i WISH were supportive. I guess i didnt think that if they really dont want to come they wont haha. :} it's gonna be fun though!

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• phira member

  

  September 2013

  I think that the first question has been answered, so I'll try to tackle the second one.

  
  

  It's really a tough judgment call here. On the one hand, the whole point of inviting people to your wedding and thanking them with your reception is to celebrate your marriage with people who have supported one/both people getting married, and their relationship. So inviting someone who is against your marriage (either ACTUALLY against YOUR marriage specifically, or against two women getting married in general) goes against that idea.

  
  

  On the other hand, though, inviting them anyway is a gesture of love and acceptance, and it also acknowledges that we can still love people who are flawed.

  
  

  It all comes down to what you feel comfortable with, and whether you'll regret INVITING someone or NOT inviting someone. Honestly, I'd invite them on a case-by-case basis (maybe not invite people who have outright been against my actual relationship/marriage) and figure that either they show up and get to see that my wedding is like any other, or they won't show up and I was the bigger person for inviting them in the first place.

  

  now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
  
  

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• mimiphin member

  

  September 2013

  I would advise that you do invite them and if they do or do not come that is their choice. You have extended the wecome invitation, if they don't want to come/support you then tough cookies. They can't come back and say we didn't feel included so we didn't come and our feelings were hurt.

  I am in a similar situation where some person *cough Dad cough* who always uses things against me and I will never turn my back on him. If he choses not to come to see the house my guy and I bought over a year ago, my graduation, call me on christmas thats fine. I invited him, I made the effort.  I will not let him be the victim.

  Be the bigger person, invite who you want to see there, if they dont come.... 

  (Sorry for the big gap below)

  

  

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• NYCMercedes member

  

  September 2013

  delujm0 said:

  1) I don't think it's odd at all to only invite 1 out of the 6 siblings.  Now, if you wanted to invite 5 out of the 6 siblings, that would be another story.  But only 1 just makes it look like you're only truly close with 1 of them.  Not a big deal.

   

  2) If you would want these people at your wedding invite them.  If they are truly morally aginst what you are doing, they won't come.  But if these are people you love and you want them to be a part of your day, give them the option to attend.  I don't know a lot of people that would go to a wedding for people whose relationship they do not morally support, so you shouldn't wind up with a bunch of people in attendance who don't respect your lifestyle.  (side note: shame on them that they don't approve; and good for you for wanting to give them the opportunity to see that the love you have with your FI is no different than that of a heterosexual couple.)

  
  My sentiments exactly.

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