Beach House Rental and family paying/vacationing for the week

jhuband85 · September 2013

I'm considering having a beach wedding (would be a travel for guests - both my family and his family). I was considering renting a beach house (oceanfront) for OOT immediate family and/or wedding party to stay. Our family has two other homes to which other family could stay if wanted/needed and of course hotel rooms could be blocked off.

The ceremony would be on the beach behind the home and the reception would most likely be at a venue within walking distance (beach walking) to the home. The rehersal dinner may be held at the home or at an outside venue (not sure).

My question is, if discussed up front with family with a great deal of advanced notice, would it be in poor taste to suggest renting the home (ie. family paying their "share" or a "reduced share") to rent to the home for the week and vacation together. Obviously all wedding expenses (reception, wedding, catering, bar, etc would be paid for by me/whoever pays for the wedding). The cost would be for the lodging. And not just for the wedding, but for the week. I would offer maps and suggestions for things to do throughout the week. The cost would likely not exceed $500 per person - in July - oceanfront.

Thoughts?

vk2204 · September 2013

As long as you are giving them a choice I don't see any issue with suggesting it. Let them know all the details and leave it up to them to decide.

STARMOON44 · September 2013

In essence, you're saying - please spend your vacation time and money at the location I have selected for my wedding.

Does your family often rent a big beach house for vacation? If so, your idea could work. If not- who cooks? Who cleans? Who gets the really nice bedroom? Does the bridal party get to shack up with their

misssunshine17 · September 2013

I honestly think it sounds like too much to coordinate before your wedding. If you mom or someone else wants to coordinate your family, then by all means, but I wouldn't be involved.

OliveOilsMom · September 2013

jhuband85 said:

I'm considering having a beach wedding (would be a travel for guests - both my family and his family). I was considering renting a beach house (oceanfront) for OOT immediate family and/or wedding party to stay. Our family has two other homes to which other family could stay if wanted/needed and of course hotel rooms could be blocked off.
The ceremony would be on the beach behind the home and the reception would most likely be at a venue within walking distance (beach walking) to the home. The rehersal dinner may be held at the home or at an outside venue (not sure).
My question is, if discussed up front with family with a great deal of advanced notice, would it be in poor taste to suggest renting the home (ie. family paying their "share" or a "reduced share") to rent to the home for the week and vacation together. Obviously all wedding expenses (reception, wedding, catering, bar, etc would be paid for by me/whoever pays for the wedding). The cost would be for the lodging. And not just for the wedding, but for the week. I would offer maps and suggestions for things to do throughout the week. The cost would likely not exceed $500 per person - in July - oceanfront.
Thoughts?

This idea can be a slippery slope. If it is normal for your family to rent a vacation house together, then this idea could work. But where will you & FI stay the night of your wedding? Will you really want a house full of family on the night of your wedding?

Some other things to think of, can you just have a wedding on the beach? You may need a permit to set up the chairs and anything else you want out there. Can you have a large party (RD) potentially at this house? The owner of the house may not like the idea of more people in the house than can legally sleep there.

jhuband85 · September 2013

To answer some questions: The houses I am looking at are designed and/or willing to accept weddings/large gatherings. Our families have not vacationed together, however the families separately vacation together yearly. The beach wedding is being taken care of with proper permits, etc. I've already looked into all the legalities of that. I have also found a company who sets up the seating, on the beach, etc. Finally, I would assume that we would stay in the house - he and I already live together and have for almost 3 years. For all intensive purposes the wedding is just to celebrate what we already are..... I intend for the ceremony, reception, etc to be very laid back, informal, and to celebrate the two families coming together. We also have a timeshare and can easily go on an 'official honeymoon' at a later date.

I also thought that I could figure out the price of the home based on the room size and length of stay. For example if someone could only stay a few nights, or I had a friend who wanted to come down late to celebrate with us, or if someone had a smaller room - I could adjust the prices accordingly. I'm certainly not wanting anyone to shell out big bucks - which is why I thought a vaca and celebration would be most cost effective since family will be travelling some distance (should they decide to attend). I would intend to 'eat the cost' for any vacancy/etc.

So.... all that being said... any additional thoughts/concerns?

misssunshine17 · September 2013

Again, I say, I think this is far too big of a headache. Let them coordinate if they want to. They might want to get a smaller house just for their immediate family.

ElcaB · September 2013

I don't see anything wrong with suggesting it. They can choose to follow your suggestion or make other plans if they'd like.

Abbyjensen · September 2013

So let me get this straight. You and FI want to rent a large oceanfront house and stay there while preparing for the wedding and while you have the wedding there, but you want to open it up to family in case others want to stay there also during the week.

I would be prepared to pay for the whole thing yourself, but I don't see a problem with offering it as an option, but I would limit it to immediate family and bridal party.

Maggie0829 · September 2013

Abbyjensen said:

So let me get this straight. You and FI want to rent a large oceanfront house and stay there while preparing for the wedding and while you have the wedding there, but you want to open it up to family in case others want to stay there also during the week.

I would be prepared to pay for the whole thing yourself, but I don't see a problem with offering it as an option, but I would limit it to immediate family and bridal party.

The bolded 100%. I think it is fine to offer it as an option, but what happens if everyone says no? Are you and your FI prepared to shell out the entire expense yourselves? What is your back up plan if no one wants to stay there?

NYCMercedes · September 2013

It seems to me that you are looking for them to fund your venue. Not a good idea.

kmmssg · September 2013

I agree with NYC. You said it would be 500.00 per person for the week. So if a single comes, they get a room for 500.00, but if a couple comes, they get the same room for 1000.00? No way.

This is the place you have chosen for your wedding venue. I really think you should pay for it.

OliveOilsMom · September 2013

jhuband85 said:

To answer some questions: The houses I am looking at are designed and/or willing to accept weddings/large gatherings. Our families have not vacationed together, however the families separately vacation together yearly. The beach wedding is being taken care of with proper permits, etc. I've already looked into all the legalities of that. I have also found a company who sets up the seating, on the beach, etc. Finally, I would assume that we would stay in the house - he and I already live together and have for almost 3 years. For all intensive purposes the wedding is just to celebrate what we already are..... I intend for the ceremony, reception, etc to be very laid back, informal, and to celebrate the two families coming together. We also have a timeshare and can easily go on an 'official honeymoon' at a later date.

I also thought that I could figure out the price of the home based on the room size and length of stay. For example if someone could only stay a few nights, or I had a friend who wanted to come down late to celebrate with us, or if someone had a smaller room - I could adjust the prices accordingly. I'm certainly not wanting anyone to shell out big bucks - which is why I thought a vaca and celebration would be most cost effective since family will be travelling some distance (should they decide to attend). I would intend to 'eat the cost' for any vacancy/etc.

So.... all that being said... any additional thoughts/concerns?

To the bolded, H & I lived together before marriage too, but our wedding night was still special in its own right - as that's the day we got married. I think you may be feeling a lot differently about the whole - we've been living together for years thing, on your actual wedding night.

happyfor25 · September 2013

It sounds lovely but as PPs have said, you and FI should be prepared to cover the entire cost.

I may be reading more into this than intended but this is what I am thinking....you really, really love the idea of staying at this gorgeous, oceanfront home and having your ceremony on the private beach behind it (awesome photo ops!) However, there is probably a 7 night minimum to rent the home in peak season which may put it out of your price range. Therefore, you are hoping to have family/bridal party help defray the cost of your dream wedding. If I am right, then I think it's rude to do it. Even if I am wrong, it is possible that your family/friends may see it that way too.

Can you rent it for just a long weekend in order to make it more affordable for you and FI to cover the cost and simply invite family/bridal party to stay with you?

Pepper6 · September 2013

If you can afford to cover the entire rental yourselves if no one chooses to stay there, then by all means, you can offer it as a suggestion and determine a flat per room cost. (ie, bedroom #2 should be $500 for the week, regardless how many people actually commit to staying with you).

Personally, I'd prefer to make my own arrangements as I'm not particularly fond of sharing my space with a lot of people. Like one PP mentioned, who would be responsible for cleaning during the week? Are you stocking food and cooking meals, or is everyone responsible for their own? Is there a bathroom for every room? How thin are the walls? (because on your wedding night...) Is there enough parking for everyone to have their own cars there?

itzMS · September 2013

Between DH & I, we both couldn't afford to take off from work for a whole week away for a wedding...nor would I want to. We wouldn't even do this for a sibling.

I'd fly/drive in for the weekend day/night of the wedding, spend $200 on my hotel room, and call it a night.

No thank you to spending $1,000 for us to stay in a house with a bunch of people.

MGP · September 2013

itzMS said:
No thank you to spending $1,000 for us to stay in a house with a bunch of people.

OP - while I don't think your idea is a bad one, just remember that many of your guests cannot or may not want to make a "vacation" out of your wedding. This is one of my frustrations with destination weddings, even beautiful beach locations. They essentially determine where some of someone's few precious vacations days are spent, along with the location and the budget. Additionally, with a mix of families and friends coming together don't be surprised if people aren't crazy on the idea of sharing space with other people they don't know very well.

This is a situation that I am currently experiencing. A very close friend of mine is getting married for the second time and one of her great "ideas" is to rent out the upscale barn venue where she is holding the reception so up to 20 people (including the bride and groom!) can spend the night there. It's BYO air mattress. Totally not something I would do, but apparently some guests are really excited. It's in semi remote Texas and the nearest hotel is about 20 miles away from the venue. She has asked me if I would like to reserve my "space" and I have graciously declined, but inside I am just thinking to myself "um, no I am 35 and have a baby. This is not spring break. You can find me at the hotel". To each his own I guess. . .

Belle0720 · September 2013

My family takes an annual vacation together to Lake Tahoe and rents out a large cabin to share and we always do our best to split up the rooms fairly and it's tons of fun, but I think it would be pretty hard to plan this out for a wedding. It could be doable, but I think you'll find it a lot easier to just find a hotel or b&b nearby your beach location and let people book their rooms on their own. You'll still be able to do group activities if you want and won't have to worry about cooking, cleaning, or coordinating who gets to stay in which room and how people are going to pay their share.

jhuband85 · September 2013

I just wanted to clarify that I would be talking to family about this prior to setting any kind of plans. If they were not on board with it/did not appear interested, then I could simply set aside hotel rooms, find a cottage for he and I, and continue with the beach wedding/etc.

The cooking/cleaning/etc that continues to come up... I'm not sure about your families but ours clean up after ourselves.... if my mom were to cook, for example, my dad cleans. So maybe that's just a difference in families or family styles?

itzMS · September 2013

jhuband85 said:

I just wanted to clarify that I would be talking to family about this prior to setting any kind of plans. If they were not on board with it/did not appear interested, then I could simply set aside hotel rooms, find a cottage for he and I, and continue with the beach wedding/etc.

The cooking/cleaning/etc that continues to come up... I'm not sure about your families but ours clean up after ourselves.... if my mom were to cook, for example, my dad cleans. So maybe that's just a difference in families or family styles?

I think you're missing the point.

Your family and wedding party might say to your face that staying in the beach house is the best idea everrrrrrr because they think it will make you happy. When, in fact, they actually think it's a pain in the ass.

You made it seem like your wedding party, your FI's family, your family, and maybe any other random OOT guests would have the opportunity to stay in the house. That's quite the random collection of people, all with different habits and expectations.

I've stayed at vacation homes and cottages with groups of my friends before. Some (like me) come 110% prepared, and some come only 50% prepared...so those underprepared people are borrowing my toothpaste, complaining that they forgot to bring towels and sheets, drinking my beer, eating my snacks, sleeping in while everyone else is doing housecleaning...you get the drift.

It adds more stress than necessary. Let everyone find their own arrangements.

Maggie0829 · September 2013

jhuband85 said:

I just wanted to clarify that I would be talking to family about this prior to setting any kind of plans. If they were not on board with it/did not appear interested, then I could simply set aside hotel rooms, find a cottage for he and I, and continue with the beach wedding/etc.

The cooking/cleaning/etc that continues to come up... I'm not sure about your families but ours clean up after ourselves.... if my mom were to cook, for example, my dad cleans. So maybe that's just a difference in families or family styles?

I think you're missing the point.
Your family and wedding party might say to your face that staying in the beach house is the best idea everrrrrrr because they think it will make you happy. When, in fact, they actually think it's a pain in the ass.
You made it seem like your wedding party, your FI's family, your family, and maybe any other random OOT guests would have the opportunity to stay in the house. That's quite the random collection of people, all with different habits and expectations.
I've stayed at vacation homes and cottages with groups of my friends before. Some (like me) come 110% prepared, and some come only 50% prepared...so those underprepared people are borrowing my toothpaste, complaining that they forgot to bring towels and sheets, drinking my beer, eating my snacks, sleeping in while everyone else is doing housecleaning...you get the drift.
It adds more stress than necessary. Let everyone find their own arrangements.

Ugh and that is why I hate staying with large groups of people. Yes some people who stay in the house will clean up after themselves but others will not. People have different ways of living and some people's version of clean is not the same as others. Same as some people's version of being prepared is not the same as others.

I would honestly just go with your back up plan. Get a place for just you and your FI and then provide a list of other possible accommodations for everyone else. It really will be easier and then everyone will be comfortable.

rvg22 · September 2013

We are doing something similar for our wedding in 2 weeks. Hotels in the area are $150-200/night, and our families are not super wealthy. So FI and I found a 5 BD/5BA rental house on vrbo.com that is in a good location and is $350/night. Both of our immediate families (10 people total) are staying there for the long weekend. We are also using the large backyard for a RD/welcome BBQ, since FI and I live in a tiny condo (the owner approved of this).

We will see if people have an ok time. FI's family are the sort of people who don't mind crowding into a house with almost-strangers (ie: my family) but my parents are a little unsure how it is going to go. They were reassured that they will get their own bathroom, so maybe look for a large sq. ft./many bathroom house where people can have their own space!

How we dealt w/ $: We asked all family members ahead of time and they seemed to think it was a good idea, were excited to save $, and were ok splitting the cost. Everyone said they would reimburse us for their share, but I do envision us not getting all the $ back for it. If people don't spontaneously give me $, I do not want to bug them for it, you know? It just seems weird... "Thanks for coming! You owe $300!" So I guess my advice would be to be prepared to pay for all of it, worst case scenario. Alternatively, you could just email out a link to a few rental houses and leave it up to the family members to research it and book one (and collect $) if they desire.

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