Pre-wedding Parties

Bride being asked for suggestions for shower and bachelorette party

So I love my MOH and she is wonderful. Recently she has asked me for suggestions and what I want for my shower and bachelorette party. I don't mind giving the ideas because it would make it easier on her, but every idea I give her she shoots down. Especially for the bachelorette party. I suggested things that could be done by my BMs because they are too young to go out to a club or bar. I suggested a cooking class- $20 bucks at the adult learning center 10 minutes from my house, I suggested a perfume making kit $10 a person when the price of the kit is split, I tried mini golf, bowling, manicures and pedicures. She doesn't seem like she wants to do it. I even suggested skipping it all together, but she insists she wants to. I think she feels obligated because she had looked up MOH duties online.  At this point its stressing her out especially because she wants to make sure all my BMs can be there whether it be age or that fact that they are in college a couple hours away. I don't want her to stress... A party isn't worth the strain it may have on our friendship. Any advice on how to handle this?

Re: Bride being asked for suggestions for shower and bachelorette party

  • Time to sit down and have an honest, heart to heart with your MOH.  She needs to know that you are not judging her based on silly, invented "duties" for the MOH and that you picked her because you want her standing next to you at the wedding.  Also, how involved is your mom?  I ask this because I really love my daughter's MOH, who was in no way able to afford a shower.  I made the shower, put her name on the invitation as hostess and had her run the show once everybody got there.  I got to enjoy the party.  MOH organized the bachelorette party and took care of all those details, but each guest paid for herself.  She also needs to get help from the other BMs because planning a party can be an overwhelming task.
    Good luck and enjoy the moment. 
  • KD+AR said:
    So I love my MOH and she is wonderful. Recently she has asked me for suggestions and what I want for my shower and bachelorette party. I don't mind giving the ideas because it would make it easier on her, but every idea I give her she shoots down. Especially for the bachelorette party. I suggested things that could be done by my BMs because they are too young to go out to a club or bar. I suggested a cooking class- $20 bucks at the adult learning center 10 minutes from my house, I suggested a perfume making kit $10 a person when the price of the kit is split, I tried mini golf, bowling, manicures and pedicures. She doesn't seem like she wants to do it. I even suggested skipping it all together, but she insists she wants to. I think she feels obligated because she had looked up MOH duties online.  At this point its stressing her out especially because she wants to make sure all my BMs can be there whether it be age or that fact that they are in college a couple hours away. I don't want her to stress... A party isn't worth the strain it may have on our friendship. Any advice on how to handle this?

    The other factor at play here is that your bridesmaids are not required to attend your bachelorette or your bridal shower. It's nice that she's trying to be inclusive...but good grief.

    If she really REALLY wants you to have a party of some sort, why not just suggest something (one thing) that you personally would like to do, regardless of the age of your BP members, and let her make it happen (or not. It's her choice).

    "MOH, I think I would really just like to go out to XYZ restaurant for dinner and a few drinks, if you wanted to plan a bachelorette. It's really not necessary, and it's okay if it doesn't work out, but thank you so much for your efforts thus far!"

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