Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Party
Wedding Party
New Discussion
Options

Fiance's Nieces

kriso7773kriso7773 member
First Comment
in Wedding Party
I'm sure this sort of thing happens all the time, but I need some advice.

My fiance has two nieces (at the time of the wedding they will bel 14 & 16).  Yesterday, his sister (the girls aunt) called my fiance crying that she was upset that I hadn't asked the two girls to be BRIDESMAIDS and then followed by send me an email.  I have seven bridesmaids (my sister is my maid of honor), all of which I've known for 20+ years.  When that was explained, it was suggested (by his sister) that the girls br Jr. bridesmaids and stand on his side (they want their family represented in the bridal party).

I do not want them to stand up at all.  It's not that I don't like them, I love them to pieces, it's just not my vision.  While I understand by "giving in" and doing this it may earn me some points with the family, I don't want to budge.  We are having an adult (he and I will both be 41 when we get married) reception (with the exception of the nieces - and I'm letting them each bring a friend), no flower girl, no ring bearer and asked his brother in law to be an usher.  My thought was that the girls would hand out flowers and bubbles for the ceremony (they can wear dresses that match one another) and his sisters would read poems about love, family and friends at the ceremony.  We'd also ask the girls to help our guests find their table card and assist with the guest book.

I'm really hurt that his sister (the girls mother) didn't talk to me directly and had her sister call my fiance (and not me).  Everyone continues to tell me to stand my ground, my groom says he never thought I'd ask them to be in the bridal party...I'd like to hear some opinions, please.  :)

FYI, we're only TEN days into our engagement...is it going to get worse than this?
Report Reply to Post

Re: Fiance's Nieces

  • Options
    KatWAGKatWAG member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I would stand your ground. And bean dip anyone who asks your about your bridal party.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    melbelleupmelbelleup member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    edited September 2013
    I think what you have planned for them to do is lovely. I'd just tell them your idea of how they can be included in the wedding and end it there. If it's not the mother of the girls, I honestly wouldn't play into it too much. It might just be the aunt's opinion and not the mother's.

    ETA: If the girls stand on the groom's side then he'd be the one to ask them to be a part of his party.
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I seriously don't get why people get so butt hurt when their little princesses do not get included in the wedding.

    I would just ignore her and let your FI deal with her.  You have done nothing wrong by not including them in your BP.  If your FI would like them to be on his side and act as groomswomen that is completely up to him but he should not be pressured into it by his sister.

    Also, if you are only 10 days into your engagement do you even have a wedding date and venue picked?  If not you need to put the breaks on the wedding party and focus on finding a date and venue. 

    Report Reply
  • Options
    kriso7773kriso7773 member
    First Comment
    Ladies...thank you!  :)

    My fiance have a unique situation.  We've known one another 20+ years (we met when we were 17), however, I never knew his sisters until we became official.  6 or so months into our relationship, we were living together (we bought a house) and already started talking about our wedding.  We've now been together 18 months and he recently proposed (we're also 40 years old).  We just KNEW we'd be married someday.

    His sister (the girls mother) told him yesterday evening she is very hurt and that they will just come to wedding as guests with the rest of the family (oh the melodrama)...and, she needs to be careful of what she wishes for at this point.  She doesn't have a backbone, so I'm thinking she b*tched to the other sister (the bully) and she's the one that called him and sent me an email.  I'm so ticked off that they didn't call me directly.

    Concerning the hall, yes.  We went this past weekend and looked at a barn that we think we are going to book (it's amazing) and we've settled on a date of 11/1/14.  We asked the wedding party because I'm going to have all the girls in the same dress (and color of dress), but their shoes and bouquets will be different colors...for example, the maid of honor will have dark pink shoes and dark pink bouquet.  The shoes the girls like are being discontinued, so we're ordering them soon.  And, as crazy as it sounds, I needed him to ask his groomsmen so I knew who to pair up with who (and what color shoes/flowers each girl would get).  I also have a friend (whom I've known since kindergarten) coming in from out of state, so we want to give everyone an opportunity to prepage.  Last, we've both (my fiance and I) have been friends with most of these people since we were little.  :)

    Thanks again, ladies!  I love the responses...princesses, bean dip.  LOL!
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Just want to make sure that you are paying for these shoes since you are requiring specific shoes for each girl.

    Report Reply
  • Options
    kriso7773kriso7773 member
    First Comment
    Of course!  :)
    Report Reply
  • Options
    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Ugh. I cannot understand why people think they have some kind of God given right to be in someone else's wedding party. And on top of that, to be "hurt" when it doesn't happen. Attend as a guest and STFU already...

    Rant over.

    Your plan is fine. Do not engage. If you are 10 days into your engagement and there's already family crying over shit like this, it's not going to get better. Your best bet is to make sure you and FI are on the same page on EVERYTHING and have him communicate stuff to his family.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    southernbelle0915 said:
    Ugh. I cannot understand why people think they have some kind of God given right to be in someone else's wedding party. And on top of that, to be "hurt" when it doesn't happen. Attend as a guest and STFU already...

    preach

    Report Reply
  • Options
    HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    You definitely don't have to have them on your side -- each person gets to pick his or her own side. BUT, if your FI decides (for the sake of family harmony or family peace or just to get his sisters to STFU) that he wants them to stand up on his side, you can't say "no." You mention in your OP that it "doesn't fit your vision" -- you build your wedding party based on having your nearest and dearest around you on your wedding day, not slotting people into pre-assigned roles. 

    But yes, I agree with you about this. People need to realize that brides and grooms make up their own bridal parties, and no one else gets a say in who's in it, and your precious little snowflake child won't be forever scarred by *not* being in a wedding, and it's good for her to learn LIFE ISN'T ALWAYS FAIR.

    So you do have my sympathies.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    Report Reply
  • Options
    kriso7773kriso7773 member
    First Comment
    LOVE IT!  Thank you ladies!  BTW, you are all hilarious!  I'm glad I came across this site today!
    Report Reply
  • Options
    NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I feel so sorry for you. Do not engage with those ladies. They are your fiance's family so he needs to deal with them. He can have his nieces be his groomswomen, if he chooses. He can tell them to STFU, as they are his sisters. You shouldn't even ask someone to be in your WP until six months out anyway.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards