October 2013 Weddings

bridesmaid problems! (vent)

SO it's just over a month away to the big day and now i got to deal with two of my bridesmaids. one who is one of my longtime friends from when we were kids hasn't replied back to any of my messages texts/ facebook posts to her nothing and its not like she isn't on facebook or hasn't seen the messages because it tells me she has seen the messages and i post when i see she is on or if she just wrote a status i am since working alot so its also hard with one vehichle and both me and FI working full time to get over to the town ver to see her face to face. i thought her being one of my longest good friends (like sisters) she would feel she could talk to me if she was facing problems. Now my other bridesmaid we have been friends for a couple years shes the g of one of FI's groomsmen When i asked her to be a bridesmaid she seemed so excited to be involved talked about the bachlorette party ect was just into wanting to help now since her best friend got engaged (who isn't getting married till 2014) she basically has not care for being in my wedding or coming to hings ect. like they were going to plan my bridal shower they said so i left it at that and waited for them to ask me for a guest list and tell me times well i got nothing so i sent them a message wondering.. how they kinda acted made me seem like they really don't give a crap so i cancelled my bridal shower it was an inconvenience for them. well now my bachlorette party has come out for a date and my bridesmaid has said she might not be able to come because she might have to work. it's not like the date is in two weeks its a month and a half away its the weekend before the wedding i just booked it off work and im sure she could. i'm so frustrated i feel like people arn't caring anymore and it really hurts my feelings. i don't fully wanna say anything to her because i don't wanna seem to come off like she needs to pay attention to me or she can't be excited about her friends wedding its just when you say ur gonna do something why wouldn't you do it. i heard she was talking to her friend negatively about the bridesmaid dresses but when we got them i asked everyone for their honest opinions and if they didn't all like it we would work something out it was unanimous everyone said they loved them so i'm so confused. 

Sorry for spelling mistakes.  
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Re: bridesmaid problems! (vent)

  • You are obviously frustrated and rightfully so. I think the main thing here is to realize the expectations you set for your bridesmaids may not be what they had in mind. If you read through posts on this website they indicate that the only requirement of your bridal party is to buy a dress, show up sober and smile for pictures. Now, while I don't fully agree with that, I think that bridesmaid's should give support for all of the ups and downs with planning one of the biggest celebrations of your life, I do agree that the main thing is that they show up for you and be there for you the day of. Also, no one likes bridesmaid dresses!! It is likely that they will not wear it again and that they don't feel flattered in it. Oh well. They will have to get over that aspect of it. I am hearing a lot of ranting about pre-wedding parties. The fact is no one has to throw you shower or a bachelorette party. You do not plan these things yourself and if you friends/wedding party/parents don't do it for you then that means you don't have one. It isn't that big of a deal. Just know if you ever get asked to be in someone's wedding that you would go above and beyond because that is what you expect. I too expect that and I have been sorely let down. Congratulations on marrying the love of you life, that is what they day is for after all.

     

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  • I second what @vainemerald says :) Understand the fact that no one will be as excited as you are about your own wedding - except your FI.  That's the beauty of the Knot - we are in the same boat that you are so you CAN talk about all of the details with us!

    Congrats on your wedding - we are in the homestretch!
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  • Thanks i understand exactly what you mean i don't set high expectations for them accept what you said get the dress show up have fun. but when they were like wanting to help and be apart of everything at the beginning like going to all the bridal shows with me and talking with me about all the details and then just stopping after we wnt dress fitting.. i wasn't asking for a bridal shower/parties they has mentioned they were planning one and it wasn't till like thr wedding being four months away and me not hearing anything i asked them about it so i can give a guest list/book off work did i find out nothing was planed the said bridesmaid who was all excited to plan it an for everything said she would do it so i left it then again heard nothing and asked my other bridesmaids and even my MOH heard nothing so i said don't worry about doing it. I think im just hurt at how excited she was and invloved with my wedding at the beginning untill her BFF gt engaged and now its like she don't care about mine... And update about my other bridesmaid she finaly messaged me back telling me that she couldn't afford the dress and didn't know ho to tell me? I have the whole time since getting engaged/ asking my girls to be bridesmaids to just be honest with me and tell me if you have a problem im understanding. it hurts me alot that she wouldn't have just talked with me because i have known her since JK/SK. that being said she told me she already paid for her dress back when we ordered them around march/april, and now she has told me she didn't pay for it so she lied. again that hurt.

    You are right the wedding is about marry the love of my life and i have come down to the point of i will not chase after people to do what they said they will do any more i have much more things to worry about :)

    Congrats on you weddings to!
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  • Sgreen19 said:
    SO it's just over a month away to the big day and now i got to deal with two of my bridesmaids. one who is one of my longtime friends from when we were kids hasn't replied back to any of my messages texts/ facebook posts to her nothing and its not like she isn't on facebook or hasn't seen the messages because it tells me she has seen the messages and i post when i see she is on or if she just wrote a status i am since working alot so its also hard with one vehichle and both me and FI working full time to get over to the town ver to see her face to face. i thought her being one of my longest good friends (like sisters) she would feel she could talk to me if she was facing problems. Now my other bridesmaid we have been friends for a couple years shes the g of one of FI's groomsmen When i asked her to be a bridesmaid she seemed so excited to be involved talked about the bachlorette party ect was just into wanting to help now since her best friend got engaged (who isn't getting married till 2014) she basically has not care for being in my wedding or coming to hings ect. like they were going to plan my bridal shower they said so i left it at that and waited for them to ask me for a guest list and tell me times well i got nothing so i sent them a message wondering.. how they kinda acted made me seem like they really don't give a crap so i cancelled my bridal shower it was an inconvenience for them. well now my bachlorette party has come out for a date and my bridesmaid has said she might not be able to come because she might have to work. it's not like the date is in two weeks its a month and a half away its the weekend before the wedding i just booked it off work and im sure she could. i'm so frustrated i feel like people arn't caring anymore and it really hurts my feelings. i don't fully wanna say anything to her because i don't wanna seem to come off like she needs to pay attention to me or she can't be excited about her friends wedding its just when you say ur gonna do something why wouldn't you do it. i heard she was talking to her friend negatively about the bridesmaid dresses but when we got them i asked everyone for their honest opinions and if they didn't all like it we would work something out it was unanimous everyone said they loved them so i'm so confused. 

    Sorry for spelling mistakes.  


    This was really hard to read. Paragraphs are your friend.

    For the first one, why not call her and say "hey how have you been? Whats going on in your life?" make small talk and don't talk about your wedding.

    With regards to the second one. Those parties are not necessary and they don't need to host them. Things come up in people's lives and they cant always do things. If she cant get off work, well she cant get off work. My brother's gf RSVP'd as coming to the wedding, she took off three months ago, just got promoted to a new dept. and now her new boss is telling her she cant have off. Things just happen and you cant let it bother you.

     

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